Barbershop: The Next Cut Page #4

sitting around here all day,

like it's an

unemployment office.

Hey, Eddie, man, look. I pay booth

rent like everybody else does in here.

Besides,

barbers don't provide the full

menu of services that I do.

Off-market

medicinal remedies,

alternative documentation,

little emotional

service doggies

that lick your face and make

you feel good about yourself.

And they

tinkle all over your shirt.

They so happy to see you. And

it makes you feel good inside.

I've been around

a long time here, son.

And what all you do

is sell fake ID,

nickel bags of weed,

and pit bull puppies.

Talking about a little puppy

gonna lick on somebody's face.

It sounds

too freaky for me.

I don't want no puppy

licking on me.

It's just not at all

African-American.

Sounds very,

very Caucasian.

Calvin, you really gonna

let him be up in the shop?

Like, I can't believe

he let you up in here.

Calvin, my man.

You're my man, right?

Please tell this man,

this ancient being,

this old fogey,

this dinosaur

of some sorts.

Keep them coming.

This negro-saurus of a man

walking around here giving us

the damn trailer

to Jurassic Park,

every time we

walk up in here.

Okay, that was a good

one right there.

Please tell this 50 Shades

of Grey... looking ass,

am I or am I not

a intricate part of

this damn shop?

He got a point, Eddie.

He got...

You know what?

That's it for me.

Hey. But this

ain't no free clinic.

I understand. And I did stop doing

the VD screenings last week.

It's done, okay?

It's over.

What can I do

for you, brotha?

I got a itch

down there.

It's a itch that burns.

Come over here.

This the last one.

This boy burning bad,

I smell it. Come on.

Hey, everybody!

Hey, girl.

Rashad, I got your

sheen spray for you.

Appreciate that.

Angie, this conditioner should

last you for the next two weeks.

Thank you, baby!

Can you help me put

these away in the back?

Hey, who's winning over

here, now? What's goin' on?

By a show of hands,

who got a itch?

Who got a burn?

Damn.

So did you hear,

Mr. Harris got shot?

What?

Are you serious?

Is he okay?

I mean, he got shot,

so he's not great.

But he's gonna make it.

No.

I was just in there last

week talking to his wife.

Man. She was so excited they

was getting a second location.

Was she with him?

No, thank God.

You know, he was in there by

himself closing up for the night.

Wouldn't open up the

register, so they shot him.

I don't know what's

happening out there, Calvin.

These kids have lost

their damn minds.

Meanwhile, we gotta

raise Jalen in this mess.

It's not cool.

We gotta revisit

that conversation.

What conversation?

About moving the shop.

You know, One-Stop found some cool

locations over there on the north side.

Does One-Stop even know

what escrow means?

You'd be surprised

what One-Stop know.

And have you discussed

it with Angie?

You can't make a

decision about the shop

without at least

talking to her first.

I wanted to talk to you first because

you know what you're gonna tell me?

"Why

did you talk to her first?"

I do not sound

like that.

I don't know, Calvin.

Uprooting the shop

is a big decision.

You don't think

I know that?

But what else

we supposed to do?

Just sit here and wait

for somethin' to happen?

We gotta explore

all of our options.

Yeah.

I ain't got no money.

Let me talk to you.

No, I'm good.

Come on, baby.

Let's holler at you

for a little bit.

You hollerin'

right now,

I can hear you. I'm good.

Yo, who that?

Hey, what up, J.D.?

Hey!

Hey, I got that tater

salad for your mama!

Come get it!

All right.

What's going on,

hungry black folks?

Who wants some

non-profit Gangsta Grub?

All right. Soul food

to save fools' souls.

Every delicious

piece of beef

helps keep a bullet

off the street.

I know that's right because

that "Who Smoked Your Okra"

was poppin' on

fleek last time.

There you go, Draya.

Did she just say "fleek"?

Don't... Don't just

make up words.

There's a whole

dictionary full of words.

There's a library

down the street.

Webster's Dictionary. Go

in there and flip through it.

You won't see "fleek"

in there, nowhere.

Draya, don't worry

about that. I got some

"Don't Be So Mean" greens

in there for you today, too.

You gonna love it.

Thank you, boo-boo.

They so good,

they're gonna make

a Vice Lord give

a GD a foot massage.

Nigga!

You are like the Al

Sharpton of the fat back.

Okay. Okay.

When are you gonna get

your own show on VH1?

Who knows, man?

You know, right now,

I'm just happy being the

pillar of the community,

trying to do something good.

I mean, so, you

want us to believe

that you cooked

all that food yourself?

My kitchen workforce is

made up of ex-gangbangers,

who, if they didn't

have this job,

would be on the

street bangin'.

And you donating

all the profit?

What's so hard

to believe about that?

What is it, Eddie?

What is it?

Rashad, you might have

to shut your mouth.

This pie got me

dancing a jig over here.

Don't be no sucker, Eddie.

What's that, Rashad?

I got the little peanut

butter and poverty sandwich.

Did Terri cut the edges

off the bread

like she does

for the baby, too?

Yo, J.D., man. This

is on the up and up.

-I'm proud of you, bro.

-Thanks, Calvin.

-But the name...

-What?

I'm a little concerned, man. The name

seems like you're promoting something.

Man, I'm just

promoting food.

Remember the words of Maya

Angelou, man. "Words is power."

Maya Ange-who?

I know who you're

talking about.

That big booty b*tch

we went to high school with,

with the lopsided

titties, I remember.

Calvin, come on, man.

You know I'm just joking, man.

You know I know

who Maya Angelou is.

"Still I rise."

I Know Why

the Caged Bird Sings.

Who is this on the cover?

It looks like Mike Tyson.

Gonna be

a double-breasted suit.

Can't win for losing.

Well, there he goes!

Harold Washington, Junior.

-What up, Jimmy?

-What's up, man?

-You're lookin' good.

-Good to see you.

You know, you're the only

one that comes in here

with a suit on that

ain't goin' to court.

Everybody ain't tryin' to wear one

of them granny sofa suits you got.

-Guess who's back?

-Hey, Jimmy.

What up, bro?

What bring

you around here?

I know you didn't come all the

way over here to the South Side

just for a line up.

Yeah. Where's your

camera crew, Jimmy?

Doing a little press opp

for the mayor's office?

What, a man can't check out his old

stomping grounds on his lunch break?

-Hell, nah.

-No.

No.

Hell no.

All right, you got me.

I do want to talk to you all about this

Council vote that's coming up next week.

What vote?

The one about the enclosure.

-Closure?

-What enclosure?

What kind of enclosure?

The city plans to

gate off 20 blocks,

with this shop essentially

right in the middle of it.

See, the idea is that

if it can control traffic,

you know, one way

in, one way out,

it'll help decrease violence

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