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Barbershop: The Next Cut Page #3
Smart phone, dumb girls!
Learn how to cook a decent
meal, for goodness' sake.
Look, some of them don't
even know how to microwave.
Had a girl come over
to my house last week,
went into my kitchen,
thought mine was a safe.
I bet that sh*t was empty.
And I can't
believe you, Eddie.
I can't believe that you
expect your visual fantasy
to actually mop and iron
for your old ass?
You come to my house, you better
know how to clean and iron.
wrinkling around my house
is my forehead when I say,
"B*tch, what?"
You need manners.
Yeah, Angie.
Please!
It doesn't matter how much a woman
tries to live up to your fantasies.
Doesn't matter if a woman tries to wash
your crusty ass drawers every night.
Doesn't matter if she fixes him
a special batch of vegan chili,
supposed to have meat in it!
Everybody knows that
chili has meat in it!
That's what it is,
it doesn't matter,
because he's still gonna
wake up one morning
and leave your ass
for some chick on Instagram!
Who had sex with you
and didn't appreciate it?
Vegan chili is delicious.
Trust me on this, ladies.
The only man that you can
trust is the one up above.
Come on, Bree.
That dude, Ronnie,
he was just a bad apple.
If you and your man
had something real,
it wouldn't have mattered
how bad the Instagram ho was.
She wouldn't have been able
to come between y'all.
Not even for
Jamaicanthickthighs24?
Jerrod.
Ass so fat you can see
it from the front.
-Let me see.
-Send me that.
-Yeah, right there.
-There is a God.
-Smell that.
-It's not scratch-and-sniff.
Ass cheeks
so separated...
You know what, ladies?
For years it has
been a war,
with the good girls
and the hoes,
and the hoes
have officially won.
Go, hoes!
Love me some hoes.
I can't live without hoes.
I gotta have them.
Hoes know
what to do and when to do it!
Wait. Wait. Hold up!
You girls keep complaining about
the chauvinistic talk in the shop,
but y'all do the same
thing in reverse.
Each one of y'all
want a super thug
that can hold his own on the
yard at the Cook County jail,
Harvard and making six figures.
You know it.
Meanwhile, you pass up corny
Exactly.
Don't no woman want no moist
Duncan Hines ass
dude like Jerrod.
No.
Jerrod's like boiled okra.
He's just green and stringy, just completely
unappetizing to the human palate.
Such kind words, you guys.
I really appreciate it.
A couple things.
First of all,
I can hear you.
And second of all...
Baller alert!
No, he did not just pull up
in a Maserati, girl!
Is that L. Rock
from the Bears? My God.
He just got
a $47 million contract.
35 guaranteed and
four with incentives.
Craig came by here 20 minutes
ago looking for you.
Okay, thanks, Cal.
I'll text him.
Hey, babe.
I need you to pick up Maya
from school today, too.
I just squeezed in another last-minute
appointment and I can't do it.
Yeah, I see.
Come on, babe, please.
I got an
appointment, too.
-Can't Kenny do it?
-I asked Kenny.
He said he was too busy,
which is really funny,
because I don't know what a
15-year-old could be busy doing
other than drinking up all my goddamn
apple juice and dirtying up the house.
That's easy,
they masturbate a lot.
What? They do.
I mean, I was 15.
I was 15 this morning.
Am I right, Raja?
Don't touch me with that hand,
don't touch me in general.
Come here,
let me get your beard.
That's all? Really?
So you playing celebrity
barber and I'm Mr. Mom now?
You're the one who said you wanted to
spend more time with Maya and Kenny,
-so what's the problem?
-Some time.
Half your clients
was mine to start.
You
complaining now?
When Kenny's mom
asked if he can spend
the remainder of
high school with us,
I was cool with it.
But since he's been with us,
he's done nothing to help out.
Yeah, come on.
It's like we have two
toddlers in the house.
-It's a new situation.
-It's not a new situation.
It's been a year!
You're being too soft on him!
You know how long
he was with his mother.
I understand that.
All right, y'all.
Yo, Terri and Rashad! Yo!
Do y'all need a minute?
Because we'll all leave.
You know what?
I'm gonna leave.
It's like Love & Hip Hop
reunion in here.
Momma Dee
and Lil Scrappy.
Terri, girl, I couldn't
help but overhear.
I mean, girl,
everybody could hear.
But, I wanted to tell
you, and I told Rashad,
I could pick up Maya, like,
whenever you need me to.
So let me know
if I can help out, girl.
In any... In any way.
I don't need nothing but
for you to back up a few feet.
This is a private discussion
between me and my husband.
I mean, I didn't realize
it was so private
'cause, like I said,
everybody can hear y'all.
But y'all been
a little bit overwhelmed,
and let me release
some of that stress.
Why don't you help yourself
back to your station, Draya?
Look, Terri. I got you.
I got you, baby. Come here.
My bad, girl.
Don't even get riled up
like that, Terri.
It's all good.
Stay in your lane.
Come on. Baby,
come here, I got you.
I'll go get Maya,
you do what you gotta do.
I know we need
the money, so...
Thank you.
Well, you know,
when I get home later,
I'll make it up to you.
I'll do that thing you like.
Yeah, okay.
Sure you gonna be
burnt out by tonight.
It's all right, though. I'll wait for
the morning for that lazy side booty.
Terri, just
out of curiosity,
what is that thing
that you do?
Is it something
that I can Google?
Yo, Calvin, what's
the Wi-Fi password?
Let me get that Lupita.
Excellent choice.
You wanna act grown?
Well, now you got
a grown-man haircut.
Yeah, this gotta be
some of my best work.
Your friends at school
gonna love this.
That's the information
Let's go.
So you learned your
lesson today, didn't you?
You look good, man!
Nothin' can stop you now.
Tell Weezy I said
"hey!"
Eddie...
Tell me that ain't
child abuse.
I bet you he won't be talking
back to his mama no more.
Gave him
the George Jefferson.
All right,
looking good.
Hi. Who are you here to see?
Yeah, I'm here
to see One-Stop.
Take a number.
They all here
to see One-Stop.
-Everybody?
-Yeah.
Right, right.
That's what I said.
Give me a minute, brother.
I need eight 32-inch TVs.
No plasma, man.
Just LCDs, brotha.
You know what I mean?
I got the watches,
I got the rings.
I'm doing tailoring, I'm doing a
little bit of everything now, brotha.
Right,
right, right, right.
No, I just do
the measurements.
who puts the suit together.
She sews. I don't sew.
Calvin, you really just gonna let
this fool come slidin' up in here
like he run the place?
Eddie, worry about
your section.
Pardon me.
Look here,
Truck-Stop, One-Stop.
Come here, son.
This the barber shop.
You gotta get people in and out.
That's what we do.
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"Barbershop: The Next Cut" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 1 Sep. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/barbershop:_the_next_cut_3592>.
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