Barbershop 2: Back in Business Page #2

usually the broker they are.

I like hanging with you.

You know, this is gonna

be yours one day... all of this.

Hey, Calvin, you goin'

over to Emma's?

Tell her my niece sent her

a graduation picture Friday.

- Bring me back a sweet potato pie.

- I ain't bringing you back nothin'.

Hey, Keisha.

Where Janelle at?

She's not here yet.

Hey, boo.

Now, why you even go there?

You can read a calendar.

You know she called in sick.

I need my rent money.

The bank want they money on the first.

I need my money on the first,

not the second and not the 15th.

Come here, Coley.

Come here. Your mommy

leave you with this crazy man?

Crazy? I'm about to

drop him off at Miss Emma's.

Ain't that right?

You know, your daddy used to like

to play with those, too.

- And this.

- Watch your mouth, girl.

They can remember that sh*t...

I mean stuff.

- Y'all see Calvin baby boy?

- Hey, Coley.

You know that should have

been your baby.

I know.

After Calvin and I stopped dating,

he started thinkin' small.

He opted for the Happy Meal

instead of the Super Size.

No, he opted for less drama.

- It's her six-foot Pocahontas weave.

- That's what it is.

She ain't weavin' it up

like most of y'all in here.

Y'all just mad 'cause she got

a little Indian in her family.

Please. That girl got

perm in her family.

Why every time I come in here,

you start up with me?

You know I got love for you.

If you got that much love for me,

tell Janelle to give me my rent

before I turn off the power in here

and have all you ladies

runnin' out screaming.

Bye, Gina.

How come you not

playing with Coley?

You're just my baby.

Yes, he is.

Stop. Say grace first.

Jesus wept.

Why?

Why what?

Why did Jesus weep?

- 'Cause he was sad.

- Why was he sad?

'Cause they didn't let him

eat his biscuit.

Now, you know I helped

raise you better than that.

Raised you like you was

my own son.

Okay. I gotta go, Miss Emma.

When you get back here,

you better tell me why Jesus wept.

You know what?

He probably was mad

'cause they wouldn't let him put

jelly on his biscuit before he left.

I ain't seen you in two days.

And why you look so damn tired?

Ricky, just be a man

and let me know.

I'm being a man.

If you got somebody else,

then just say it.

You don't need to be slippin'

and slidin' and hidin'.

Nobody hidin'.

This ain't no subterfuge.

- I just been busy.

- Doin' what?

'Cause you sure ain't doin' me.

Who you doin'?

And what the hell

is a subter-fudge?

Listen, you know how it is,

all right?

When we together,

we together.

And when we not, we not.

That Ricky, he's the man.

Please. He's a clown.

Be like Mike,

not like Rick.

If I was like Mike,

would you like me?

- Brad Pitt.

- Mel Gibson.

- Bill Clinton.

- Bill Clinton?

He's a freak,

and I likes me a freaky man.

If I had to choose me

a white boy to sleep with,

- I'd have to say Mini-Me.

- Mini-Me?

Use your head.

- What?

- What?

Use your head.

You bad girl!

Excuse me, Miss Watson.

I'm sorry.

Hey, Dinka.

- Good morning.

- What's up, D?

Thank you, Dinka.

They look great.

- Beautiful shoes.

- Thank you, Dinka.

Damn a Mini-Me.

I'll take me one of those.

All I'm saying is we need

to keep our eye on Trent Lott.

We need to know where

his ass is at all times. He racist!

He's the poster child

for stupid white men.

I don't know about that.

Dan Quayle couldn't spell "potato. "

You know what?

You right about that, Checkers.

You know what?

You can be a stupid white man

and get elected president. Twice!

All I'm saying is

if you're gonna have oral relations

with an ugly, fat white girl

with low self-esteem, lock the door.

Lock the door! Click.

Handle your business.

There it is.

Calvin, come look.

They're gonna lock your ass up

for talkin' like that.

When did they put that up?

Guess it ain't no titty bar.

Hold up.

I can't believe this.

- Quentin!

- Hey, Calvin.

You like our sign?

Not too flashy, I hope.

I don't want it to fight

the funk of the neighborhood.

I thought this was a club.

What is Nappy Cutz?

You never heard of us?

It's a franchise, the black man's

answer to Supercuts.

Got ten locations nationwide.

This'll be the first one

in Chicago.

Ten chairs with every amenity

the African-American male desires.

- On my block?

- It's just an alternative.

You the man.

Your shop is legendary.

Only business on the block

to survive the riots of '68.

We can't compete with you.

I gotta go.

Listen, when 24/7 opens,

I'd love to buy you a latte.

I can buy

my own damn latte.

I know what this is.

You're tryin' to compete with us.

It's not a competition.

It's a rout.

Your business will be closed

in six months, seven at the most.

When the bank forecloses,

I'm gonna buy your shop

and turn it

into a more viable cash cow,

like a Bally's

or a Jamba Juice.

We could bypass all the stress

if you would sell it to me now.

But of course you wouldn't

do that... too much pride.

And I respect that.

I respect that, too.

You be safe out there.

I was gonna say

the same thing to you.

What did slick-head negro want?

These guys fittin'

to open a shop on our block?

They're gonna take

all our customers.

Quality Land Development

buyin' up everything.

We just gotta

step up our game.

Hey, Rick, you handled

that deposit for me?

You gonna have to cool it

on these extra activities.

I don't care about your vampire hours

as long as you do what I ask.

It's not what you think.

- I had some...

- Some bullshit to do.

You should've asked me,

someone more dependable.

Both of you can kiss my ass.

Hold up, don't fall apart.

Don't fall apart.

Not right now, okay?

We got competition on the block.

And I guess change,

that's a good thing, right?

Well, it's free enterprise.

This is America.

Shut up, Dinka.

- Survival of the fittest.

- Says the privileged white boy.

The privileged white boy

do a better job on that fade.

You're starting to cross the line.

Relax yourself.

Quit it. Quit it.

Don't sweat it, Cal.

We got your back no matter what.

Come on, everybody, let's go back.

This ain't nothin'.

I've seen this many times.

They come and they go.

We gonna be all right.

We gonna be fine.

- Man, why you trippin' back there?

- Why you frontin', man?

I know you're

supposed to be the superstar,

but don't you ever

roll up on my customers.

- What was you thinkin'?

- You're right, man.

Okay, it's my bad.

It's my bad.

His fade was

a little crooked, though.

It's hard being that good, ain't it?

Look, Cal,

it's nappy-cutz. Com.

It's the professionalism

that is bestowed upon me

when I come into Nappy Cutz

that I appreciate.

Did that boy say

"bestowed upon me"?

That's what it sounded like.

It's the bikini waxes

that I love...

Look at the couches, man,

and the lighting.

Look at that.

Last week

I had me a milk bath.

What?

Oh, baby.

They dippin' sisters

in milk over there?

Give me some cookies.

I'll go over there myself.

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