Barbershop 2: Back in Business Page #3

Was that...

- That was him!

- It looked like him.

That's a look-alike.

How can they get him?

Turn that mess off.

That little girl is nasty!

Back to work.

Checker Fred, back to checkers.

My boys up in Memphis

go to Nappy Cut.

They said it's off the chain.

They got honeys in bikinis,

be serving wine when they

walk through the door.

That ain't nothin'.

I heard they got fish

in the floor, swimming.

You standin' on top of them.

You could pick a fish out,

get it baked, broiled,

fried, grilled,

fondued, souffld,

- sauted, sushied, all that.

- Fondued?

I like that whole massage thing.

That's tight.

Let me tell you all somethin'.

That's not a real barbershop.

That's a fake, franchise,

corporate version of a barbershop.

That's why they got gimmicks.

They ain't got

no real character up in there.

A real barbershop got real people,

real conversation,

and most of all, real barbers,

and that's what we got here.

Calvin, my man!

Oh, God.

Kenard. Hold up.

Dude, look...

I love you, cuz.

I love you, man.

I finished barber school

on Wednesday,

and now I'm working

in a shop today.

That's how family

supposed to do for each other.

- Did Jennifer call you?

- I spoke to her this morning.

Did she tell you that

maybe I'll try you out? Maybe?

I'm down with trying out.

I'm about to be

Rookie of the Year up in here.

That's me, man?

Baby, you're putting me

in the front chair?

The best chair in the shop.

That's how family

supposed to do.

You right, too much love.

What's up, player?

How you feelin'? All right.

Freddie Douglass!

You old school! Come on.

You can do it.

Come on, now. All right!

What's up, girlfriend?

Okay, okay.

What's up, brother?

Everything cool?

Don't leave me hanging.

Mutombo!

What'd you shave your head for?

I'm with you, brother.

We goin' back to Africa.

Beauties.

Hello.

Mia!

Naomi!

You know you know me.

I know you not gonna let him

put them pictures up,

not when you made me

take Lola Falana down.

Kenard.

It's a probationary period.

You understand probation,

don't you?

Who is this orphan?

All right, all right.

Rich, where you at, man?

Ain't never seen nothin'

like that in your life.

Yeah, that's good.

Tighten myself up.

Yo, Big C, explain him.

Call my wife, man.

That's her people.

Damn.

Who's next?

Come on.

Have a seat right here.

Kenard's chair.

That aroma is

kind of gettin' to me.

What kind of coffee is that?

It's not a coffee.

It's a chai with soy.

Okay, so it's herbal.

Yeah, it's herbal.

You must be a lot like me.

You lactose intolerant.

Yeah, I'm lactose intolerant.

I go near a cow,

and my behind blow up

like Dizzy Gillespie.

Downright flatulent.

And the smell.

Man, the smell that come

out of there,

it's so bad, sometimes

I have to set myself outside.

I'm not lactose intolerant,

all right?

I have a very healthy metabolism.

I tried to have some of them little,

bitty Milky Ways... the small one.

I ate two of them

at a party one night,

and, man, it just got...

I just couldn't control it.

It was the lactose intoleration.

Listen, I'm not lactose intolerant.

Look, man, all that's fine.

I'm trying to help you.

It's just not fair

for your date.

You gotta think about

if you on a date

and you up here

sneakin' 'em off,

and she's trying to wonder,

"He seem like he dressed nice,

he seems clean, but what is that smell?"

And you tryin' to act like

you ain't got no...

Take care of yourself.

Sir, I am very nice

to black people, okay?

Nice to black people?

You better be,

especially me.

I keep my stuff with me, okay?

I cut you.

You can look me up on the Internet,

That's me right there

lookin' at you.

- Hey, watch it!

- Move!

Your precious love

Your precious love

Heaven must have sent you

from above

Must have sent you, baby

Heaven must have sent

your precious love

Your precious love

To find a love like ours

Stop!

- To find

- To find

With your finger.

To find

To find

Your finger goin' up there,

but you not.

I need to find a new tenor.

Man. I wish

my brother Darnell was out.

Eddie, where you goin'?

What the hell's

the matter with you?

Taxi!

- Get out of the way, fool!

- I can't wait for you.

There's a guy

on the other side of the rig!

Get off the truck!

Get off!

You wanna know my name, right?

Yeah.

Loretta.

Yeah.

I'm not saying

we made out of money.

I'm just saying we need

to step it up a little bit.

We're about to get punked

by Nappy Cutz.

If you don't think big,

you'll never be big.

Calvin, you run a family operation.

You do not need to step it up.

Them clowns at Nappy Cutz, they're not

about to take away your business.

Your shop is

a neighborhood institution.

Come on.

People don't care about institutions.

They got fish in the floor.

Just swimmin' around.

You can get it fried, baked,

sauted, sushi...

- Who told you that?

- Little Rodney at the shop.

Little Rodney told you

he sawfish in the floor.

Well, he actually didn't see

the fish in the floor,

but his cousin in Atlanta

sawfish.

You know that's ridiculous.

Little Rodney probably

heard it from somebody

who heard it from somebody else

who was at Nappy Cutz

when they dropped their

Filet-O-Fish on the floor.

That's ridiculous.

I can't believe you said that.

Sun salutation, ladies.

Feet together,

bringing it to prayer pose.

And reach!

Butterfly, butterfly.

Bringing it back to prayer pose.

Deep ujjayi breath.

Breathing in radiance,

beauty, light.

Breathing out

any heavy burdens.

The key to enlightenment

is to work through your anger,

not have your anger

work through you.

First position.

One, two, three.

He ain't sh*t!

He ain't sh*t!

Jimmy! What's the deal?

What's up?

Lookin' good, baby boy!

Always, always.

Still ain't sh*t.

Just a little while ago,

he was cuttin' hair.

- Good morning. Good morning.

- Alderman Brown's office.

- Good morning, Maggie.

- Good morning, sir.

- Any messages?

- Yes, sir. A whole stack.

- Good morning, Alderman.

- Good morning.

- Good morning, sir.

- Good morning, Jimmy.

- I'd like a moment if you have it.

- I don't. This faithful constituent

is in need of counsel,

and I have to provide it.

Reach one, teach one.

Remember that.

It's an issue of vital importance

and it'll only take a minute.

- You have 59 seconds.

- Thank you.

- Have a seat.

- Thank you, sir.

Not you.

I wanted to bring to your attention

a particular concern of mine.

Are you familiar with Calvin's Barbershop

on 79th and Exchange?

Yeah, I'm aware of it.

They're opening a Nappy Cutz

across the street.

Yeah, I know all about it.

Shouldn't we do something

about that?

Why should we?

Competition is

a cornerstone of democracy.

The future is not what it used to be.

Remember that.

But you did say you wanted

to keep that particular area fertile

for small-business interests.

Fertile.

I did say that, didn't I?

This boy is gonna be the governor

of the state of Illinois one day

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