Barbershop 2: Back in Business Page #4

if he learns to do what I say

when I say it.

Now, I'm not one for explanations,

explanatory things explained.

Write a report and have it

on my desk by the end of the month.

Sir, I think we should move

faster than that.

Think need, not speed.

It's better to measure

a thing ten times and cut once

than to measure once

and cut ten times.

Your minute is up, son.

This is gonna be great

for the neighborhood.

We'll see.

Here he comes.

- What's up, Samir?

- Not much.

- How are you doing?

- All right.

Very nice shirt on you.

We need to talk to you, Calvin.

What's going on?

We've been approached

by Quality Land Development.

They're building a cineplex there

and they're making us an offer.

We're thinking

about taking that offer.

The money isn't bad.

Plus, the money isn't bad.

Stew sold him his cleaners and took

his Viagra-popping ass to Miami.

I ain't mad at the brother.

What's that got to do with me?

You got your mind made up.

No, we haven't.

But I bet if you came on board

and sold them the barbershop,

they'd probably pay us double.

- That would change my mind.

- Absolutely.

- Y'all know I can't do that.

- Why not?

We've been there since '58.

So if y'all wanna sell

and go down to Florida

with them funky-ass voting booths,

you can go ahead.

But I've gotta keep mine.

You're making a mistake, bro.

No, my friend, you're thinking

about this all the wrong way.

Calvin, there's a lot of money

to be made here, son.

Go talk to your boy.

Come on, babies.

Today is the day.

We came a long road

to get here.

Pay attention.

Lighten up.

You come in here some days

looking like Joe Frazier

in Jamaica.

People don't like that.

You're too pretty.

Learn how to cook.

I know how to cook.

Make him hush puppies

or a Spanish omelet.

- Hey there, Calvin.

- Hey, Calvin.

- What's up, Cal?

- Yo, Isaac.

What's up, boss man?

You all know

why I called this meeting.

Nappy Necks, whatever they want

to call theyself across the street,

is openin' up in three weeks,

and they're tryin' to get

our ass out of here,

like it or not,

and we ain't havin' it.

- You know what I mean?

- Damn straight.

So my plan is this.

Fire up the barbecue in the back,

have a little

customer-appreciation cookout.

That's smart.

That's good thinking.

Just burgers and dogs,

free haircuts for the kids.

Show the people

we care about 'em.

Show them that

whatever they goin' through,

we down with them.

- You feel me?

- I feel you, Calvin.

Definitely.

Man, I feel all of that.

It all makes sense.

That's why I got to raise

your booth rent.

What?

You can't do that.

- It's my first day.

- Why, Calvin?

We got to pay

for this somehow.

Forget about it. We in a crisis,

and you can double my rent.

- You don't even pay no rent.

- What?

In that case, triple it, then.

Not to throw salt, but why

you don't pay no booth rent?

I don't pay rent

'cause I don't pay rent. Okay?

So pour out your cup of haterade

and sop it up off the floor

and get some business.

Also, I want to institute

a couple of new rules.

You comin' at me with too much.

That's all for one day.

Take baby steps.

Rule number one...

no more profanity.

I know you about to say something.

Don't even say it.

I ain't sayin' nothin'.

I'm thinkin' it.

Rule number two...

don't be late.

Who was it that said, "Be on

time for something other than... "

- "... before 11:00 at the club. "

- That's what it was.

Y'all got jokes.

My bad.

Kenard, them Jet beauties,

they got to go, man.

Good.

They're my inspiration,

my muses.

He made me take down

my picture of Lola Falana.

I can't cut without the butt.

That's perfect for me

'cause maybe you'll quit.

That's what I thought.

We're going to be more

family friendly around here,

and I want everybody to start

greeting the customers by name.

How are we supposed to know

everybody's name?

That's ridiculous.

He's not even showing up.

Yap! Yap! Yap! Yap!

All that yapping leads me

to rule number three...

no more loud talking.

What?!

Watch it.

Thank you, Calvin.

Horace, thanks, man.

I appreciate your coming through.

All right, Calvin.

- Take care, man.

- No problem.

- Appreciate your business.

- All right, Calvin.

God bless.

All right, Calvin.

Bye, Horace.

You're next.

What's up, Cal?

Thanks for what you're doing.

We appreciate it.

- Hi, Jimmy!

- Hey, everybody.

This is not happening.

We got an appointment.

You gotta get out of the chair.

Eight Mile gave me this time exactly.

We're almost done.

I'll be right with you.

I'm terribly sorry

about the inconvenience.

Calvin, this is why

black business does not succeed.

We're never on time.

You're always coming in late.

You leave early.

Giving to the needy and the greedy

instead of the deserving.

And double-booking our clients!

Why do you have a schedule

if you ain't gonna use it?

It is 11:
02. That means your man

has to get out of the chair.

That means it's my time,

and I'm not havin' it.

Come on, man, you gotta bounce.

This is ridiculous.

Vamoose.

Come on, let's go.

- Get him.

- Sit your ass down!

Come on, have a seat.

Enough of it already.

Sit on down, West Wing.

Up in here like you're from

Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous.

Only reason you're in here is 'cause

your daddy didn't use a Life Style.

I'll tell y'all one thing...

all y'all are doomed to fail.

It was nice and quiet in here,

the way I like it.

Just hush.

Everything was hush.

Free barbecue... food, fun,

and free haircuts for the kids.

Bring 'em on down.

Bring all the kids.

Here you go, girl.

We should have kids

so we can bring 'em down

to this barbecue Friday.

I think we can squeeze four

out of that ass.

I didn't mean to insult you.

We could probably get five.

What's up, Tyson?

Free barbecue this Friday.

Don't be eyeballin' me.

You ain't hard. I'm just playin'.

Boy, it's hot out here.

I'm tired of handing out these fliers,

but my cousin say I gotta do it.

Before they got his ass,

they was all over there together...

Saddam, Osama, all of them

livin' in a big old beach house

just kickin' it.

Got all the money in the world

and some of them ho's

from the Snoop video.

They just freakin' 'em.

Freakin' em all, boy.

- And Idi Amin over there, too.

- I thought he...

No, no, he ain't dead.

No, he ain't dead.

You can't kill no big

Yaphet Kotto-looking Zulu nigga.

- You know better than that.

- Eddie, you need to quit it.

Let me get some ribs!

- Can I fix you a plate, Dinka?

- No, I'm trying to watch it.

You don't need to watch it.

She throwin' it at you, dawg.

What's up with that?

Shawna is a nice woman,

but I don't know if she's the one for me.

Who the one for you? Terri?

You need to let that go.

That's not gonna happen.

That's the good news.

You don't need a loud, evil,

neck-rollin' chicken-head like Terri.

That's what you need.

Go on.

Go on over there.

Go on.

Isaac, run to the store

and grab me some ice.

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