Barbershop 2: Back in Business Page #5

We're running short on ice.

Kenard ain't doin' nothin'.

Yeah, man, but I asked you.

Don't do me like that, man.

Can you get me

some ice or not?

No disrespect, Cal, but I've been

bustin' my ass in there for you.

I've been bringin' in

a lot of business.

- I see you.

- So why you treatin' me like a scrub?

I treat you like

everybody else around here.

I'm happy you got it goin' on now,

but I need some ice.

Can you handle that for me?

- Yeah.

- Get the ice.

Two bags.

Thank you, Isaac.

Where you goin'?

Cal wants me

to handle some business.

Store run.

Can you bring back

some toothpicks?

The minty kind.

Minty freshness.

Right on.

Oh, yeah. She want

one of Uncle Eddie's burgers.

That is one right there.

That's delicious.

This is burnt.

No, baby, that ain't burnt.

That's barbecue.

See that brother over there?

That's burnt.

Well, why can't I have

another one?

'Cause you can't.

Now, look, it's free, ain't it?

There's people over

in Ethiopia starvin',

and you sittin'

over here complainin'.

- I'm not gonna eat it.

- You sure ain't.

I hate you!

I'm gonna tell my auntie.

Go to the crack house and tell her.

Ain't nobody scared!

Tell your auntie!

This is Eddie.

I ain't scared of nothin'.

You can tell whoever you want to.

- What'd you do to that little girl?

- I ain't do nothin' to her.

Little Moesha tryin' to criticize

my culinary skill.

I ain't scared!

Get your auntie!

Eddie, man, don't be so crazy.

I should've known your old ass

was startin' trouble.

- Hold on, Gina.

- Oh, sh*t.

- It was just a misunderstanding.

- Ain't no misunderstanding.

I should've known

you was out here actin' a fool.

I'm tryin' to teach little

Sister Souljah here some discipline.

Now, it's obvious

the way she bein' raised,

she headed

straight for the peniten-sherary.

Raised? Maybe if you stopped

raising your hand to your mouth,

you wouldn't look like Shamu

of the South Side.

Okay. I see where you're

trying to go with it.

What kind of man

treat a little girl that way?

I wouldn't expect you

to know what a man is.

But I'm gonna give you a clue.

Give you a hint,

Throw you a lifeline.

It's one of them things

you can't keep!

Oh, I can keep a man.

I can keep a man.

No, you can't.

I ain't want you, Calvin.

What about you?

The last woman you slept with

was battery-operated.

So? And she was white, too.

I had a black one, but the b*tch

didn't knowwhen to keep her mouth shut.

- Why's she gotta be a b*tch?

- Why you gotta get up on me?

- Be cool, now.

- Shut up, Calvin.

- Who you tellin' to shut up?

- You.

Everybody get out of here,

little kids and big kids.

I'm gonna tell you

what the problem is.

What's the problem?

What's the problem?

- You don't know your role.

- Know your role. Speak on.

Is you living

in the dark ages or something?

- Do I look like Gina Cleaver?

- Hell, no.

What's your role, watching ESPN

and holding your sh*t all day?

Ain't nothin' wrong with that.

Nothin' wrong with that.

What you tryin' to say?

Get your lazy ass

off my couch and get a job.

Get a damn job.

Y'all got all the jobs.

- That's kind of true.

- Shut up, Calvin.

You got one more time

to tell me to shut up.

You got a lot of nerve

charging these sisters out here

money to get their hair did,

and you lookin' like Chewbacca.

Don't listen to him.

You look good, girl.

What about you?

Look at that damn 'fro.

What you be doin',

sweepin' up the shop with it?

I do what Calvin

need me to do every now and then.

What Calvin needs you to do is get

off your fat ass and cut some heads.

How you gonna talk about size

when you one Reese's Pieces away

from Jenny Craig yourself?

What you doin'?

I know you ain't...

Don't get in my pool.

I'm in your pool.

Let me tell you something,

you old negro spiritual.

Wadin' in the water

The next time you snatch some food

out of my niece's hand,

I'm gonna kick your ass,

and then I'm gonna burn

your freedom papers.

And trust me,

I'm just big enough to do it.

Can't nobody argue with that.

Don't worry.

She ain't about to do nothin'.

I got a reputation

to keep up around here.

And that little girl

is a devil child, now.

Look, I know she bad.

That's why you come to me.

She got to snappin'

her neck around,

I got to get back at her.

I'm sorry. You make sure

she get that, okay?

Put one of them links on.

- You think she want a link?

- She want a link.

Which one? Right here?

Give me that one right there.

Okay. You give her that, now.

You make sure she get that

and tell her Uncle Eddie's sorry.

- Me and you cool, all right?

- Yeah, we cool.

You got a little somethin'

right there. Get that.

Now get your elbow.

I ain't got nothin'

on my elbow.

Look like a gingerbread man.

I bet that link

don't make it on the inside.

How'd you get with a girl like that?

Get that door

for little Calvin, Junior.

I got what they call

that savoir faire.

She fine.

Now, I know you ain't payin'

that nappy negro no heed.

- Why you even sweatin' it, Cal?

- That Web site's been in my head.

That Web site don't

mean nothin', Cal, man.

Don't even tell you what

it might be like on the inside.

Come on, let's get ready

for our customers.

- Jimmy, hold it there.

- All right.

Yeah, yeah.

What the hell goin' on?

Since y'all wanna be funny,

no rap before 12:00 now.

Come on, man.

Y'all just clownin' up in here.

- Eddie, where the hot wings?

- I tried to tell 'em.

You need a man

that's gonna take care of you.

I'm talkin' about a good man.

A Muslim man.

- And you that man?

- Could be.

Sorry. Once you a customer,

can't have no relations.

Bad for business.

She just had a pork chop.

She ain't tryin' to hear nothin'

about no Nation of Islam.

- Shut up.

- I heard that.

That pork be callin' me, too.

Let me tell you somethin'.

Nation of Islam is more

than a pork-free diet.

It is the word of Allah

as told to the Prophet Muhammad.

Look, all I know

is I'm down with Jesus.

Watch what you say

'cause I'm holdin' the clippers.

- Change the subject.

- Exactly.

I got a question.

You don't find it odd,

as a black woman,

to have a savior

who looks like Kenny G?

- Kenny G?

- That's right.

Now, his Christmas album

was tight.

Look, Jesus is not white.

He's Caublinasian,

like Tiger Woods.

And you just about workin'

my last nerve.

Pay Calvin.

Speaking of Muslims,

is Ahmad Rashad Muslim?

I don't ever see him wear

one of those bowties.

Sorry. Did I wake you?

Late night of creepin'?

You don't know jack

about me, girl.

You know what your problem is?

You know what one

of your problems is?

- You're bitter.

- I'm through, is what I am.

That nice Terri routine?

Ain't nobody fallin' for that.

A nice woman wouldn't

be doggin' my man Dinka.

Dinka?

Ain't nobody doggin' him.

That boy's in love with you, girl.

But you don't want

a good man, right?

What you want, a roughneck

to cheat on you

and slap you around?

- What about them b*tches you roll with?

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