Barbershop 2: Back in Business Page #6

- Watch your mouth.

All of them skanky as hell.

"Ooh, I met Shaniqua

in the strip club last night. "

Those are nice girls?

- You don't know everything.

- I know enough.

Hidin' behind some tattoos

and a prison record.

- Grow up, be a real man.

- Why you even care?!

Showyou what to do with this.

Take this right up here,

put it on the door,

twist it... pop!

It'll put you in like Flynn.

You know what else you could do?

You get a half pound of C-4,

put a little timer on it...

tick, tick, tick, boom!

Blow up the whole block.

I got some at the crib.

What's goin' on?

- No.

- What?

- Don't even think about it.

- That's what I told 'em.

I said the same thing.

It's killin' me, man.

I just gotta know for myself.

We not breakin' in

to Nappy Cutz.

You want to know

what's in there.

No. The answer's no.

We're not breakin' in.

I will not allow it.

Hurry up.

Five minutes.

We in, we out.

This is like Ocean's Eleven.

This is my kind of stuff.

Check this out.

- It's huge!

- Size isn't everything.

Keep telling yourself that.

Eddie, what you doin'?

Didn't we come over here

to see it?

I can't see diddly.

This is the joint, B!

Look at this.

I don't see no fish in the floor.

Where the fish at?

That's crazy!

What?

You can say that again.

- Goodness!

- What?

You can't fry

none of that, though.

You can play ball

up in here, man.

No, you can play ball

down the street.

Like a brother can't get a haircut

without trying to play some ball.

They got the Wall Street Journal.

Top of the line.

This is what a barbershop's

supposed to look like.

- This is leather.

- Word?

- That's pleather.

- It's leather.

It's ugly.

Lookin' around, it's a nice shop,

but it don't have no character.

Exactly.

What we got across the street

is character.

We got character,

we got conversation, and we got...

We ain't got one of these.

Lord have mercy!

This is pillow top!

Come on, City Hall,

show me what you got.

You're startin' to get on my nerves.

You're startin' to get on my nerves.

Let's crack it.

I checked it already.

Let's crack it.

You got me.

Put the ball down.

Oh, sh*t.

Hey, y'all open?

No, bro, we closed.

Look at all the people.

Let me in.

Hey, bro, we're closed.

- Help a brother out.

- We goin' to jail.

Two seconds, two seconds.

- Just let him in, Big C.

- Don't let him in.

- We can't leave him out there.

- Then let him in.

I'm trying.

Kenard, let him in.

Put that paper back up.

Yes!

Hey, y'all!

This place is nice!

We closed. Go across the street

and get your hair cut.

Kind of raggedy over there.

Just a quick touch-up.

I'm flying back to L.A. Tonight.

How about it?

- Who can do me?

- Not me, I got carpal tunnel.

I got you.

You got me? My man.

We got Nappy Cutz on Crenshaw.

Love it.

Everybody loves it.

Hey, man,

get these clippers goin', player.

These ain't supposed to be out yet.

This is German-engineered,

titanium teeth,

silent-whisper engine.

Listen.

- King sh*t.

- They just clippers.

This would double,

triple your business.

You know what?

I'm gone. Have fun.

Y'all hurry up.

Don't steal nothin'

and don't break nothin'.

Just close the back door

when you leave.

Hey, Detective.

We was just lookin' for you.

What the hell's going on here?

We heard something...

You broke into Nappy Cutz?

- You take anything?

- No.

- Damage anything?

- No.

Kind of nice in there?

No.

Oh, man, they got

a basketball court!

He's beautiful, isn't he?

I just want him to have

everything I never had.

I know you do.

And he will.

So you coming to bed?

Yeah.

You tryin' to get

something started?

I was hoping so,

but you better catch me

before the rollers go in.

Looks like you gonna have

a little brother or sister.

Put them rollers in.

I might like that.

I got contact lenses... blue, green,

bloodshot red... left ones only.

Ray!

Just the man I wanted to see.

Come back and talk to me.

- I didn't know you was workin'.

- Come holler at me.

How's life been treating you?

It's been cool.

Me and my girlfriend's husband

got in a fight.

He only won

'cause she helped him.

Good to see you.

Come on back.

- In the back-back?

- Yeah, in the back-back.

With the scissors and everything?

How you been, Cal?

You been going to church

and living your life right

and everything?

- What you jumping for?

- I ain't know what you was comin' with.

My nerves bad.

I'm light-skinned.

Can you get this stuff

on this list?

I'm looking to get high-end stuff

at low-end prices.

- You know I can.

- Legally.

You mean like with a receipt legally?

Like I ain't steal it.

If the police walk up,

do I gotta drop it and run?

I can get anything you need.

Nappy Cutz won't know

what hit 'em.

This is not about Nappy Cutz.

This is about personal enhancement,

personal growth.

Expansion.

Not Nappy Cutz.

Right.

They won't know what hit 'em.

Come on over here

and get your hair cut.

I'm working at Calvin Jr's.

Come be my first customer.

What you mean, "Uh-uh"?

Can you hook me up with Isaac?

The one with the "I"

cut in the back?

You got a 'fro! You can't be gettin'

the "I" cut in the back.

Condoleezza. With all that

White House money she makin',

you'd think she could

afford herself a makeover.

If I was in the White House,

I'd be fly all the time.

If you was in the White House,

you'd be ghetto as hell.

She'd have the president

all corn-rowed out,

talking about,

"U.S., fool. U.S., fool. "

The president would be a thug.

She think a head of state's

a sexual position.

"I'm inviting heads of state today. "

Oh, my God.

Please stop.

Gina, do I look like Beyonc?

Just like her.

I knew you was gonna say that.

Give me some.

This is like the world

coming together,

like all the gangs

coming together.

There's beauty in there.

You gotta love it, man.

This came

from my grandmama church.

They might want that back.

Who's been chewing on this thing?

It look like Holyfield's ear.

Picture and picture.

This one get channels 2 through 5,

and this one get 9 through 13.

Give me the big one.

Take the little one, too.

You got to take the little one.

- You keep it.

- Cal, you gotta get this little one.

Come on, Cal!

Thought I'd add

a little style to the place.

That's that Picassio stuff

right there.

Yeah, yeah.

Beautiful.

What is it, a uterus?

Calvin, I hooked you up

with the alderman.

What'd you do,

get me some handicapped plates?

Better. You're gonna be

on the news.

The news?

The alderman's taking

a walking tour of the block

before Friday's

city council meeting

to let the constituency know

that he's concerned.

Concerned?

About November, right?

I talked him into

talking to you... good publicity.

- You could've asked me first.

- I know.

But it was

a spur-of-the-moment thing.

We don't do politics in here.

It's a place of business.

This ain't no community center.

You know what?

You sound just like

your daddy right now.

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