Barbershop

She a ho. I said, she a ho.

No, Billy! What the hell you doin'?

Billy, stop this car!

- JD, where you at?

- What the hell's wrong with you?

What's wrong with you, fool?

Get that flashlight outta my face!

Hey! What the hell's wrong with you?

- I thought I heard you say go.

- I did not say go!

The last thing we was talkin' about

was Linda, and you said she...

Ho! I said Linda is a ho!

Get the goddamn chain. Come on, man.

Let's go. Come on, pull it!

Pull the chain, fool!

- Take this money.

- We about to get paid, baby!

We're about to get paid!

This ain't Christian, but it's gonna do.

Throw it up in there! Go! Go! Go!

What the hell?

Where's it tied to? Get out and get it.

Go. Get out. Get it.

Hey, Billy? The future's behind us, baby.

That is our future behind us.

- Calvin, what are you doing?

- Hey, baby.

Tryin' to get this studio together

so we can finally make some money.

That's what you said about

the T-shirt company. And those vitamins.

Why you gotta bring that up? That's in the

past. This is a whole new venture for us.

- Really?

- Let me show you something.

- Can I show you something?

- Yes.

- You got a picture.

- Yes. Look. See that?

That right there is Oprah's guesthouse.

That's just the guesthouse.

So if Stedman act up,

this is where he gotta sleep.

OK. Why do you have this?

Cos that's what

I'm gonna buy for my baby.

Both my babies.

Soon as I get somebody to rent the studio,

make a platinum CD, we get paid.

You don't like strangers

coming in and out of the shop.

You gonna have 'em

coming in and out of the house?

OK. It's seven o'clock.

You gonna be late for work.

I got some eggs for you.

You better come on and get 'em.

That damn shop.

Boy, they sure know how

to kill a man's dreams.

Come on, Stedman.

Calvin. Come here.

What was that for?

It has been a whole two years

since you took over the barbershop.

I mean, look at you.

You have hung in there.

Baby, you have no idea

how proud I am of you.

Your father would have been

proud of you, too. Come here.

- Go.

- All right, I'm goin'.

Stay off your feet, OK?

My store! Look at my store. It is destroyed.

Get away from my shop! Get away!

No! God, no! No! Get away from my store.

Hey, yo, bro! Bro!

- Stay strong, bro.

- Yeah, stay strong.

Calvin. Always somethin'

on a Saturday, isn't it?

- What's up, Janelle?

- Hey.

Tanesha Jenkins' boy got a drug problem.

You think he did that?

Damn, you gossiping already? First

get your shop open, then start rumours.

You are not talkin' to me

about how to run my shop.

I don't tell you how to run your business.

Anyway, did you hear...

You're too damn nosey.

Hey, did you hear about Clarinda?

Her husband caught her in

a hootchie-kootchie with another man.

How you doin'?

Fine. How you doin'?

What happened across the street?

You know this neighbourhood.

It's getting worse.

- How's Jennifer?

- She gettin' big. Mean, too.

So, got some good news for me?

Calvin, I need a cut.

Like how you did Ronnie last week.

Little off the top, long in the back, but

not quite no shag. Hook that up for me.

- You got any money, Lamar?

- I'll pay you back. I got a job interview.

- When you get that job...

- Calvin, don't do me like that.

No. I don't cut hairs for free.

- Your father would have hooked me up.

- Go get hooked up.

Come on, dog.

Don't do me like that, Calvin.

See what I got to deal with every day?

No. Get outta here. Go.

- So what'd they say?

- Bank's not gonna give you another loan.

We've already given you a loan, and

a grant that you used on other businesses.

You know I wanna help you,

but if you don't pay the property taxes,

the bank is gonna foreclose

on the shop. I'm sorry.

Is there nobody you can talk to?

Calvin, it's not gonna happen.

All right. What can you do?

I appreciate your coming by. I really do.

Don't worry about it.

How'd you do this for 40 years?

I gotta do my own thing.

Hey. How you doin', Mr Wallace?

This is Calvin.

You know, over at the shop? Yeah.

I was wonderin', was you still interested

in what we talked about the other day?

I'll see you then. All right.

Thank you, Mr Wallace. OK.

- You got it?

- Yeah.

We gonna get paid.

I never knew money could be so heavy.

Slow down.

- You all right?

- Yeah. I got it now.

- Hell, no, man.

- What?

What's up, big guy?

This is my grandmama's oxygen machine.

She can't breathe without it.

You see us carryin' this thing.

Move out the way.

Come on, man. This thing heavy.

You do this all the time.

- Billy.

- He do this all the time.

All right, big man.

My mama be tryin' to come back

and he be doin' that.

It's cool. Just take it down.

Just take it down.

Kevin, come open this door. Kevin!

What is wrong with you?

Why didn't you answer the door?

I worked a double.

I just got home two hours ago.

Don't play with me, Kevin. Where is she?

- Let's not do this again.

- Where is she?

You ain't finished in here yet.

Look under the bed.

Look under the bed. I bet you

I would hide a woman under that bed.

If you gonna look...

I'm sorry.

Terri, I even look like I'm thinkin'

about somebody else?

I don't know.

You wanna know how I really feel about

you? Just think about that Babyface song.

Which one?

There are a lot of Babyface songs.

All of 'em, baby. You know I do.

Come on, I got some time. Real quick.

Real quick. Come on. OK.

- Like that.

- Let me take my jacket off.

- What are you doing?

- Helping you get your jacket off, baby.

Who is she?!

I don't know.

I'll make you remember. I can't believe

you got somebody here! Where you goin'?

- Nowhere.

- Get up. Get up.

Cover your face, girl.

How can I help you today?

OK. I want a grande, triple, nonfat,

half decaf, soya milk,

French-roast caramel cappuccino.

OK? Now, with just a splash,

just a splash, of hazelnut.

Orange extract.

With the extra foam in a separate cup.

I'll spoon it on myself

cos y'all never get it right.

You understand? Thank you.

A**hole.

You have to find the guys.

We'll take you inside and get your

information. We'll be right with you.

Then I walked in. Like, pa-dow! Ass so big

it look like two midgets in a sleeping bag.

Tyrone, can we talk about somethin'

other than big fat juicy asses, please?

We could talk about somethin' else.

But why?

When does a woman

just have too much ass?

- Hey, Rick.

- You can never have too much.

Hey, Rick. Yo. School these boys

on your philosophy about ass.

They can't distinguish between a woman

with a big ass and a big-ass woman.

It's mathematics. It's the ratio. A'ight?

If you measure around a woman's waist

and then you measure around that ass,

you come up with

a ratio about three, five.

That means that a 24-inch waist

is gonna yield a 40-inch ass.

- The mathematics is correct.

- That's good, right?

So give me an example. Break it down.

All right.

Jennifer Lopez.

- Right?

- Woman with a big ass.

Now, on the other side,

we got Mother Love.

Big-ass woman.

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