Barbershop Page #2

Good mornin'.

What's up?

- Know who poked that hole in Samir's?

- No.

Sure about that?

Just playing with you, man. Relax.

How you doin'?

What's going on across the street?

They got me on this convenience-store

thing, so somebody gettin' locked up.

- Ricky here?

- No.

He'll be in later. You don't think

he had nothin' to do with that?

Ricky's been keepin' his nose clean

since he's been working here.

Hey, Rick. You come in the back?

Is this chair free? I figured not.

You mind just trimmin' me up a little bit?

Why you come over here?

Why you sweatin' me?

Are you sweating, Richard?

You're a two-time felon.

One more, it's all over for you, brother.

I mean, Calvin went out on a limb

for you with this job.

Why you wanna play him like that?

We got a surveillance tape from

the cheque-cashin' place next door.

By the end of the day,

I will know something.

Do you understand?

- Later, Calvin.

- All right.

I gotta go. I can't hear you. All right.

I love you, boo.

I'll see you later, baby.

What's up, man?

A'ight, then.

- What you singin'?

- What?

- What are you singin' at?

- Mind your business.

Here come Jumbo Mutumbo.

Where I come from,

to have girth is a sign of opulence.

- What'd he just say?

- In Africa, fat people got loot.

- I heard they circumcise the women, too.

- How?

Anything that's extra, they just clip it off.

- A'ight, fellers, I'm free. Who's next?

- Not me.

Not me.

- I'm cool.

- Forget you.

Thought you had

a Negro membership card, huh?

Shut up. Calvin wouldn't gimme

a chair if I couldn't cut hair.

Three days, front chair, no customers.

Cut that noise. Everybody starts out in

the first chair. That's where you started.

Listen up. I don't want no trouble.

Give me your wallet and your jewellery,

and there won't be no problems.

Don't you make me.

You one of them rappers?

You got a Rolex? A platinum chain?

- Eddie.

- What?

Leave them boys alone.

Sit your old ass down.

See him? That boy almost turned over the

money. You all right, brother. You all right.

He was shaking like booty meat,

wasn't he? I had him.

I had him shaking like Don Knotts.

We tryin' to raise money for Johnnie

Brown's shoes. Scout will be here.

I need $20. $20, give it up.

Just give it up. Come on.

You smell good. Is that Obsession?

Five minutes.

Hey, man. Where you goin'?

You see that attitude?

She can't cut my hair like that.

- It's OK. I'm free. I'll cut your hair.

- No. I'm straight.

Who drank my apple juice?

- Y'all don't hear me?

- Hey.

- Who drank my goddamn apple juice?

- Terri.

- Stop cussin'. This ain't Def Comedy Jam.

- I put a big-ass red...

Terri. Stop cussin'.

I put a big red sign that said

"Do not drink me."

Maybe no one drank it.

Maybe it evaporated.

Maybe I'm about to slap you. Don't get

on my bad side. You been here a minute...

It ain't like a bottle of Hennessey.

This is funky-ass apple juice.

This is my funky-ass apple juice.

I don't touch nobody else's stuff.

- Terri.

- What?

Jimmy drank your apple juice.

- Hold up.

- Why'd you touch my juice?

You touched my apple juice?

- Did you see me drink it?

- You asked about it.

- Do you have the ocular proof?

- Ocular?

- I said I didn't have to see you.

- Sh*t.

- What did you see?

- Say you ain't drink it.

Knock his college ass out.

Hey, hey. C'mon.

No, Calvin. Let 'em go.

This ain't the projects.

It's a place of business.

Your father wouldn't

put up with this mess.

Checker Fred, just play checkers.

Do I look like my father?

Yeah.

Pretty much. In the nose, here.

- DVDs, CDs.

- Not today, man.

Whatever you want.

Got that new DMX, baby.

- Go now. Go.

- You always puttin' somebody out.

Look, it's a possibility that Jimmy drank

your apple juice. A small possibility.

You didn't see him,

so all you can do is ask.

That's not right. You takin' his side.

I'm not. Ask him. If he say yeah,

kick his ass. If he say no, then squash it.

Ask him.

Did you drink my apple juice?

Did you? Inquiring minds wanna know.

- Did you?!

- Nope.

Pa-yah. Answer. Done deal. C'mon.

Case closed.

One of y'all MFs drank it. I'm tired of y'all.

Y'all better not touch my stuff no more.

Stop slammin' them doors.

I know it wasn't me. I'm lactose intolerant.

- It's cool.

- She messed up your arrangement.

How much them roses cost? $2, $3?

Topping the news - last night,

someone stole the new ATM machine...

That's cos people don't know

how to raise their kids right. Gabby!

The first thing I'm gonna do...

- Did you lock your door?

- Yeah. I ain't stupid.

- Then why your sister in the room?

- Ooh! I'm gonna tell Mama. Mama!

Ooh, what? Close the door, dog.

Close the door!

- This ain't nothing but a big video game.

- No. It looks like a cash machine to me.

And this ain't no supermarket,

so I'm gonna tell Mama.

No, no. You can't tell nobody

about this. You hear me?

- Why not?

- Cos I said so.

Think about it. Who'll take care of you?

My mama.

- She got you on that one.

- How do I keep your mouth shut?

- Pay me.

- Pay you?!

I gettin' a headache. I just paid you $10.

- I don't care!

- Hey, whup her ass.

- You ain't gonna touch me.

- I'll whup her.

- You gonna gimme my money back.

- I'll give it back.

Take it, girl. That's all I got.

Go on. Get out the room there, girl.

Go on, get out. Get on.

That's how you lock a door, dog.

That's how you lock a door.

- What?

- This is your fault.

We gotta take this someplace else.

I gotta think of a way to do that.

The same way we stole it - the truck.

I won't mess with my crazy-ass cousin.

He too violent.

He come from a broken home.

He don't even know his mama.

After last night,

I ain't messing with that fool no more.

- You should have locked the door.

- I did.

Your sister's a demon child.

How your mom ain't got no real silverware

so we could get in here?

Whatever.

Come on, man. Let's just take it up.

Hey, Billy? Take it down, dog.

Take it down.

We goin' down. Take it down, Billy.

C'mon, big man.

We're gonna get you this time.

Push it through.

My finger!

My hand! My hand!

My hand!

You got it, Billy?

This is good chicken, too.

How you gonna sit here with

all that chicken and not offer us any?

I paid for this.

Put a quarter on the counter,

I might give you some mashed potatoes.

- How come he gets to eat out front?

- Cos Eddie old.

You see this? Know what that means?

That mean I got senorority.

- Se... who?

- Senorority.

- Don't you mean "seniority"?

- Whatever.

That ain't nothing but grey hair poking up

out your follicle. It means nothing.

Don't mean nothin'?

I was here in '68 when they robbed and

burned everything but this barbershop.

I was here in '74 when

desegregation started,

and they were bussin' in white kids

and bussin' out black kids.

I remember that.

And then I was here in '77,

when Walter Payton came in here

the day after he had rushed

for 275 yards against Minnesota.

I lined him up here in this chair.

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