Barely Lethal

1

I never knew my parents.

The only thing I ever knew was Prescott.

It was a top-secret

government-run school

that turned little girls

into killing machines.

Not bad. Run it again.

Back of the line, grandma.

97, you're up!

Move! Time trial starts

in three, two, one...

Hardman, the head of Prescott,

had some unique ideas about education.

It's all about putting holes

in the subject.

- See what I mean?

- Ladies, prepare to spring some leaks.

Engage. It's all about

vulnerability. Eyes...

Now, we may have all been orphans,

but we were never allowed

to become a family.

Carotid arteries.

Pens up!

To be a Prescott is to be an island.

It is you and you alone out there.

- What do we say, ladies?

- No attachments!

No... attachments.

Yeah, that part never

sounded right to me.

- Engage!

- But I was good at everything else.

The best, actually.

As much as I wanted to make friends,

that was just never gonna happen here.

Begin.

Bad intentions, ladies. Bad intentions.

Every punch has a purpose.

Strike and move. Strike and move.

Flow.

Elbows, knees. React.

Hammer fist, ladies.

You're not training to save your lives.

You're training to take someone else's.

B*tch.

I was the first one

in my class to be activated.

As usual, 84 didn't take it well.

It takes a certain mindset

to do this kind of work.

That's why they get to us so young.

Plus, who would ever suspect a kid?

Not this guy.

What can I say? He trained us well.

Sure, I got to see the world...

but what I couldn't help notice

was this whole other world

I was missing.

I wanted to know what normal kids did,

so I started gathering Intel.

Meet Victoria Knox:

American expat turned arms dealer.

If you're a terrorist

and you want to kill some folk,

this is the person you call.

Don't let her good looks fool you.

She has an I.Q. of 140,

and she will use it to kill you.

She was last seen in Corsica

three years ago,

until she resurfaced eight hours ago,

and will probably be gone in eight more,

unless we bring her in.

Correction:

Unless you catch her, Agent 83,

- and bring her in, alive.

- Wait, what?

- Simmer down. You're B-team, 84.

- B-team? This should be my mission.

I studied the case file. She's over there

sniffing Kesha, the new fragrance by Kesha.

I said simmer...

You need to get your head

in the game, Agent 83,

because Victoria Knox will take it off.

If we follow the profile,

everyone will come home safely.

- And remember, we're not in...

- In the rescue business.

What she said.

Gear up. We're wheels up in one hour.

Knox was a legend.

Ruthless, vindictive...

and she had a thing

for taking out Prescotts.

Got some bad news: You're dead.

Hey, guys.

- You make them comfortable?

- 36 hours alone in the box.

Oh, good. Good, good, good.

Copenhagen? Hi, peek-a-boo.

Copenhagen's mine.

Johannesburg, remember me?

Like having a gun to your face?

Feels good, doesn't it?

And you... finally got you.

- Gotcha.

- You got nothing, kid.

What do you plan to do with that?

Still playing dress-up

with 007-year-olds?

- Where is she?

- You missing someone?

- You mad at me?

- Let's just say

I'm a little disappointed

with your life choices.

Sit her ass down somewhere.

- Hi. What's your name?

- 83, come back.

83, come in if you hear me.

Give us a visual, anything.

Sign me, come in.

83, come in. Give us a sign

you're down there.

I didn't plan for it

to turn out like this,

but there was no turning back now.

This was my chance to escape.

83, this is your last chance.

Sir, no visual, no audio.

She's not responding.

Mark it.

83... inactive.

I couldn't believe it.

Mission high school was a go.

Last chance to back out.

- Foreign exchange student was your idea.

- Yeah, six years ago.

- Hi.

- Hi.

Hi, I'm Megan.

- Do we hug?

- What do you do in your family?

- It's different there.

- Hugs are good.

- Okay.

- Hi. I'm Penny.

- Hi.

- This is Parker.

Hey, Parker.

- This is Liz.

- Of course.

No, don't touch me

till I've seen your papers.

- Elizabeth.

- What?

- Mr. Larson, hey!

- Oh, my good...

Oh, no, I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry. Excuse us.

Oh, is he... I... I saw in the profile,

the picture of all of you.

No, no, no, it's okay. It's just

the three of us. I'm divorced.

- Sorry.

- But I'm fine. I'm fine.

We are fine. You know,

even better, actually, you know.

Some people make it work. Others, you know,

they run off with a pharmaceutical rep

and spend your life savings

on a pontoon boat.

But we're good, so...

are your parents still together?

Mine are dead.

I'll get the car.

Well, I think what you're doing

is very brave.

Adjusting to a new culture is hard.

You know what else is hard?

Ninja training. But I do it anyway.

- Is that how you hurt your arm?

- Nope, fell off his bike.

It was ninja training.

Okay, and I guess Dad's just gonna

pontoon back any day now too?

Okay, Elizabeth...

let's not ruin dinner.

- I'm a shadow warrior.

- Yeah? That's cool.

I'm a secret agent.

Well, if there's anything

that's special that you'd like to do,

you know, you can just make a list,

and I'm sure Lizzy would be thrilled,

thrilled to show you.

Isn't that right, sweetheart?

I would love to take the school bus.

- Peter Dinardo pooped on the bus.

- Okay, Parker.

- What?

- No poop.

I know a poop when I see one.

You can't fight with that.

One, that's disgusting.

Two, I am not riding the bus.

But it's a quintessential

high school experience.

So is mono.

What is mono?

Kids get it from kissing.

It's like mouth aids.

You seriously just ruined my appetite.

Hey. You have everything you need?

Yeah, just prepping.

Is transpo still at zero seven hundred?

- Transpo?

- The bus, sorry.

Oh, yeah, no,

it usually rolls by at 7:00.

Okay, got it.

You know, we're really glad you're here.

- Thanks. Me too.

- Okay.

Good night.

Okay.

Normal 16-year-old, normal 16-year-old.

Fresh meat.

Oh, my God.

Jeez...

Freak show! What do you want from me?

- I thought we could walk together.

- Are you on bath salts?

It's like you have social herpes and you

want to... spit it back in my mouth.

- That's... that's really gross.

- So is your makeup.

God, you look like you had

a one-night stand with Mr. Potato Head.

Look, I have nine months, three weeks,

and five days until I escape

this post-pubescent psych ward,

and you are not gonna mess this up.

Just...

wipe all that off,

put these on, and just...

try not to talk to me. Okay?

Welcome, Vikings. Hey, everyone.

Now, let's see some school spirit.

Come on, spell it with me.

Come on, V-I-K-I... okay.

- Okay.

- I'm gonna spell it by myself?

All right, well, I have great news.

Our campus is now a nut-free zone.

- Yeah, finally!

- Absolutely, Gooch. That's right.

As long as I'm principal,

you will never see another student

- with nuts in their mouth.

- No promises!

It's gonna be a long year, I see.

I'm also excited because,

for the first time,

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