Barely Lethal Page #2

Newton High School is participating

in a brand-new foreign

student exchange program.

You know we need more diversity. We only

have two Cambodians and one Mexican.

I take it this is your first assembly.

Yeah. Isn't this awesome?

Not usually. But okay.

Are you a member of the band?

No, I'm actually more

on the engineering side.

I do the lighting board and design.

Oh, look at that.

So that's your thing, then.

A/V geek. I got it, I got it.

I saw "10 Things I Hate About You".

Right, yeah. No, it's just like that.

- Right, I figured.

- Only not the '90s.

You know, just...

whatever happens out there,

- don't let 'em get to you.

- Right.

All right, well, please join me

in welcoming

our foreign exchange student,

all the way from exotic...

Oh, come on, man. Canada? For real?

Please put your hands together

for Megan Walsh.

- That's you.

- Yeah, that's me.

Show her some love, Megan Walsh.

Come on, Vikings, make some noise.

- Yeah!

- Come on, people.

Thank you.

Hey, guys, I'm Megan.

I'm from Regina, Saskatchewan.

I'm really psyched to join the long

and proud legacy of Viking alumni.

- Hey, did you say Regina?

- Yeah, Saskatchewan.

- Go back to Regina!

- Okay, Gooch.

- Canada sucks a dick!

- What are your pajamas all "aboot"?

- Why are you here? Go home!

- No, no, guys... please.

Take back Bieber. Take back Bieber!

- Take back Bieber!

- Stop, stop, stop.

Megan from Canada

I'm just a simple...

man-ada

Cash!

I could change all my plan-adas

If your smile walked in on me

Megan from Canada, everyone.

Hey, they can be a tough crowd.

Don't worry about it;

You're gonna be nickel.

- Thanks.

- Totem pole.

Totem pole.

Thank you. What an entrance.

What an entrance.

Okay, let's give it up

for a little rock group

that was number 24 on the iTunes

download list back in March,

Newton High's own... Emotacon!

Dark day, I can't get no sleep

Because something's got a hold over me

Voices in my head racing through my head

Keep me up

I don't know which one to believe

This water fell for miles

But there's still so far I have to go...

- There she is.

- Hey, Megan. Hi, I'm Missy.

I am so sorry about that behavior

at assembly. Kids can be so cruel.

- Want to join us?

- Come sit, come sit.

Sure. Thanks, I...

Pom-poms?

- You're cheerleaders, aren't you?

- Oh, absolutely.

- I know what angle you're running.

- Angle?

- Oh, I've seen "Mean Girls", twice.

- Okay.

You're gonna invite me to sit, then weaken

my defenses, and then embarrass me

in some elaborate prank

to assert your social dominance.

- What?

- Nice try.

I thought we were nice.

Gooch, enough with the paper airplanes.

Welcome back, welcome back.

First day blues, I get it.

All right, take your seats.

Put your books on your tables

and open them up to the first page.

- No, no, Gooch!

- Yeah.

- Gooch.

- Sorry.

Why can't you be more like Cash?

See? He's got his book out, right?

- Hi.

- You need a seat?

- Look at my beautiful boy.

- Megan from Canada, right?

- Love that mouth.

- A/V geek?

Yeah, well, it's Roger.

All right, here.

- You hungry?

- Nope.

- Sit down.

- Thanks.

- I guess you didn't need that.

- Yeah.

Oh, no. I hope

he didn't "Kermit" suicide.

I heard this class is "ribbiting."

Well, I wouldn't "leap" to conclusions.

Mr. Drumm can be pretty rough.

Hey! New girl! Focus!

Told you so.

Okay, hey...

I know everybody got to sit

with their buddies today,

but I'm the one

who chooses the lab partners.

So tomorrow the seating chart

shall be up,

and we'll have a wonderful time.

Now, get out of here!

I'm not kidding. Get out of here. Go.

It was nice knowing you.

Hold on there, mister. Hold on there.

I know what you're doing after school.

- What?

- You're jammin' with me.

You know, I play a little slide trombone.

You know slide trombone.

Yeah. Let's jam.

- Sure.

- Let's have a sesh. All right.

- Cool.

- I like your spunk.

- Okay.

- Get out of here.

Oh, Canada...

Okay, I'll be here at 4:00

to pick you up.

I'll text you if I'm running late.

You do the same, okay?

- Yep.

- I want to know your 20 every 20.

But no 4:
20.

I'm serious.

What am I talking about?

You're talking about weed?

How do you know that?

- What do you mean? Because...

- What are you, Harold and Kumar?

No, I'm a teenager,

and I go to high school, so...

- I'm not saying that I smoke weed...

- Don't. It's a gateway drug.

It is a gateway drug. You smoke

weed, and then, guess what,

meth... equals death.

Crack is whack. Coke's no joke.

So how it all rhymes like that?

It's like a poem about dying from drugs.

Hey, I got to go, okay?

Also, hash is very bad for you,

'cause it's more intense than weed.

It's, like, really compact, and you'll

freak out. I had a major freak-out.

Okay, hey, hello.

- Hey.

- Hey.

It's so funny we ended up together.

Yeah, biology's kind of tricky,

and you seem really smart.

Yeah, it's definitely a good match.

Hi. I think you're in my seat. Hi, Cash.

You're in her seat. Hi, Cash.

Trust me. I'm at station six.

Yeah, no. I'm pretty sure I'm there.

Did everybody find their seats okay?

Come on, Canada, out of my seat.

Every year, I pick a very special

someone to be my lab assistant.

And guess what, who's it gonna be?

Eenie, meenie, miney... Cash.

Come this way, brother.

Struttin' like a rock star.

And you two females,

you can be partners.

Have fun with Regina.

Cold, hard Cash. Get over here, mister.

Megan, hi.

I couldn't help noticing

you're into Cash?

I don't blame you. If I wasn't such a

strict vegan, I'd be, like, all over that.

Tell me about it.

So ironic, though,

all of those groupies and sluts

- that constantly hang all over him.

- Yeah, they're not even his type.

- What is his type?

- Girls who like dressing up.

Like models?

Not even close.

Mascots.

All my high school research suggests

that they're awkward loners,

not musical enough for the band,

too uncoordinated for track.

I know it sounds weird, but school spirit,

it's, like, really big here.

And Cash loves school spirit.

Yeah, why do you think Emotacon

performs at, like, every pep rally?

- School spirit.

- Yeah, I mean, who wants to be

some rando screaming at him

from the audience?

- I wouldn't.

- But mascots, they go backstage.

- They go backstage.

- You would have him all to yourself.

- Mano a mano.

- Mano a mascot.

But you should hurry 'cause you don't

want somebody else to get that spot.

- Yeah, like, totem pole.

- Totem pole.

Great, thanks.

Yeah.

- How'd I do?

- Yeah, that's great, kid.

- A lot of spirit. Job's all yours.

- Yes.

95, 96, 97, 98, 99...

1,000.

"Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

and sorry I could not travel both..."

Megan. Care to join us?

Two paths in the woods.

Probably an ambush.

I'd wait until nightfall when they're

asleep and vulnerable,

then advance inside a tree line,

maybe rig a trip wire in case

he's trying to double back.

Okay. Well, Liz... I'd be locking

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes