Barry Munday Page #2

- Stop.

I had an accident.

Barry, I don't know

what all of this is,

but Peaches and I have no sympathy

for cheating a**holes.

And if you think

the love I give you

is all fun

and games,

well...

you had better sleep

with one eye open, mister.

Can you untie me?

Come, Peaches.

Barry honey, it's Mom.

I picked up your hormone pills

at the pharmacy.

Honey?

Barry, I hope it's okay,

but I brought Janice with me

- from my Latin dance symposium.

- Hi, Barry.

Excuse me, Lonnie?

Talk to you later.

Hey, um...

I was wondering

if I could take a leave of absence.

Um, I had a...

with a...

and um...

just wonderin'

if I could take a few days off.

It's all I'm thinkin'...

just time to get, you know.

Basically,

I have some family issues.

Now, first of all Barry,

you're lying.

I've been in this business

for 40 years

and I can always

tell the difference.

You don't have

any family issues, do you?

Well, I have...

Well, you're just lazy.

You know, you sit

in your office

pretending to be

on the telephone,

shuffling papers all day,

and every hour or so

you get up and walk

around Lucy's desk

like a four-balled tomcat.

And what's worse,

you don't even care enough

to cover it up.

Also,

it's just my

opinion, but...

I don't think men

should wear makeup.

See you tomorrow,

Barry.

Okay.

You have one message.

- Yo, Mundo,

you know who it is.

Where the hell you been?

Sh*t, bro, listen,

you'll never guess

where I am right now.

Regional Air Guitar Semifinals.

So, I was thinkin',

if I make it onto the finals,

maybe you could use

a little ta-da,

we raise a glass

down at the Beaver Tree.

Titty bar bush, baby.

Be there,

or be a f***in' tool.

Later!

- End of messages.

"Dear Mr. Munday,

I have been retained

to represent the interests

of Miss Ginger Farley.

Miss Farley believes

that you are the father

of her unborn child conceived

on or about February 11th.

I have been retained

to establish paternity,

and to obtain

a child support order

consistent with our state's

rules ofjudicial administration.

If you wish

to admit paternity,

I can draft

all necessary documents.

If you wish

to deny paternity,

I will seek an order

of the court for DNA testing.

Please contact me

within 10 days.

Sincerely, Newton Creech,

Attorney at Law."

Ginger Farley?

Who the f***

is Ginger Farley?

Mr. Munday,

Newton Creech here.

Hi.

Yes sir, um,

well, I got

your letter.

Yes you did.

First off,

this Ginger Farley,

how does she know

that I'm the father of the baby?

I mean...

well, yeah,

how does she know?

That's an easy question.

According to Miss Farley,

she has had intercourse

one time

in her entire life...

with you, on February 11th

of this year.

It wasn't hard for her

to figure it out.

Wow. Okay.

Where did we meet,

me and Miss Farley?

Let's not

play games, Barry.

If you want to play games,

please, go hire a lawyer.

No, sir,

I'm not playing games.

I just...

Hey, just wanna make sure

the baby's mine, right?

Um, I mean, I'll take

a blood test voluntarily.

Do you really have

no recollection

of your sexual encounter

with Ginger Farley?

Because Mr. Munday,

I find that really hard to believe.

Ah, so...

could we meet,

Ginger Farley and I?

Maybe coffee, or pastry?

Wow. You know

what I'm gonna do?

I'm gonna tell Ginger

you'd like to meet her somewhere

and she can call you.

How's that?

That'd be great.

Okay.

You know, Mr. Munday,

they say one man's burden

can be another man's happiness.

Thank you.

It's strange, I honestly can't explain

why it only occurred

to me just now,

I end with me.

No more Mundays.

I'm it, the very last.

That thought rose slowly

to the surface of my mind,

and on top

of everything else.

I guess it never seemed

important before.

Marriage?

No thank you.

Children?

They smell,

and grow up to hate you

and take your money.

Sure, I grew up

without a father.

Maybe that colored my outlook

on life, I don't know.

All I know is

I once had options.

My balls were great.

I was great.

I'm pretty sure

I was great.

Line 1, a Ginger Farley.

Good luck.

What does that mean?

Shee-ee...

Why'd you want

to meet me, Barry?

Ginger.

It's good to see you.

Is it?

Yes.

This is familiar.

This is where we met, Barry.

Right over there.

- You want to sit down?

- No.

Yeah.

So, how far along

are you?

Well, on February 11th,

a few moments

before midnight,

your little sperm army

stormed my pink beach.

So, you count the days.

Newton said you had

no memory of our sex.

He did?

What an a**hole.

Right.

No, you...

you're an a**hole.

Ginger, I don't

mean to offend,

but are you totally,

positivo sure

that the baby's mine?

You little sh*t-eater.

I am weak one night,

one night, and with

a sh*t-eater like you.

God knows why,

and now you want

to sit here

at Snatchers

and ask me crap?

Yes, Barry, I'm "positivo"

the baby is yours.

And you're not going to run away

from your responsibility.

Do you mind

if I touch it?

I don't know why I said that.

Touch what?

Your belly,

touch where the baby is.

Ooh!

I'll have Newton call you,

and he'll go over

the paternity test,

and the paternity

acknowledgement forms.

That is, if you decide

to sign them.

Goodbye, Barry.

- Goodbye.

- A**hole sh*t-eater.

It's great

seeing you again.

Night will follow day

Sure as the sun

and moon

Remember

I will always

Be with you

If I'm out of words to say

And I understand you

When you see

a darkness coming through...

- Remember to keep warm

- Take shelter from the storm...

- Newton Creech's office.

The night will not last

for much more

I wrote in a small note

"Put on your winter coat

A cold wind will blow

through your door"...

Hi.

Newton Creech, please.

Night will follow day...

- Why did you play this?

- Oh. What?

Oh, right, I'm supposed to believe

it's just a coincidence

that they're playing our song

right when I walk in?

Remember I will always

be with you...

What's this?

The paternity agreement forms.

All signed.

- You're not gonna take the...

- Yeah, I don't need to take a test.

Why not?

Because I know.

You know?

Yeah.

I feel it.

You feel it?

Yes.

I got you a drink.

It's virgin.

Very funny, Barry.

What do you want from me?

I don't kn...

nothing, I just...

What did you want

from me?

- Do you think I'm after money?

- No.

You don't think that if you were there

for the passion of our sex

that you should be accountable

and take responsibility

for this little miracle

that we made?

No, I'm saying I want to take

responsibility here.

- This isn't all my fault!

- Why are you yelling at me?

Sh*t-eater.

Ginger, I'm saying

I want to be a part of this,

like a real dad,

you know?

With dedication...

financially, spiritually, morally.

Look, I don't have

to be in your life.

You and I don't have

to be, you know...

ahh...

but for the baby,

I think we should be

friendly, friends.

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