Barry Munday Page #3

Friends.

Cheers.

So, do we know

if it's a boy or a girl

from the x-ray?

We call that a sonogram,

and no, I haven't found out.

I don't want to know.

How's the drink?

It's awful.

This straw is ridiculous.

So, can I touch the baby?

Can I touch

your belly now?

Can I go to the doctor

with you?

Don't get

the wrong idea, Barry.

You're still a sh*t-eater.

Hey.

Green Insurance,

Barry Munday speaking.

Why don't you ask her if you

can have a squirt?

Ginger Farley?

Come on back.

Yeah.

So, don't ask me why,

but my parents want to meet you.

They want you to come

to dinner tomorrow night.

Oh.

It's stupid, so...

I mean, it's not my idea.

If you don't want to go,

I'll just tell them

that you don't want to go

and that'll be the end of it.

No, I'll go.

My parents won't like you.

Why not?

They just won't.

Knock-knock.

- Hi.

- Hey, Ginger, how're we feeling?

Well, my feet

are swollen,

I pee 2,000 times a day,

I haven't taken

a sh*t since Tuesday,

and my nipples

are like black.

Okay. Good, let's see here

what we have.

Oh, we have a possible

due date of December 10th.

Sweet.

Yeah.

So, you still thinking

of having the water birth at home?

- Yeah.

- What's a water birth at home?

I want to have the baby

submerged in water,

naturally,

and beautifully.

Do you mean like

in your tub?

Actually, we use a little wading pool

with warm water.

The midwife is in there

for natural childbirth.

I think it's great.

It's beautiful, and Dr. Shriver

thinks it's great.

Yeah, okay.

Um, Dr. Shriver,

I'm Barry Munday.

I'm the father.

I was... basically,

I was just hoping

I could ask a few questions,

if you don't mind.

Okay, ask away.

All right,

um, well,

will I be allowed

to participate in the birth?

I'd like to be there to help with

the baby when it comes out.

Absolutely. You and the midwife

will be side by side.

Just listen to her,

watch the videos,

and take the classes.

Okay, awesome.

Um, are there any foods

that Ginger shouldn't eat?

I read somewhere that pregnant women

shouldn't eat bleu cheese.

Are you retarded?

I never heard the one

about the bleu cheese.

I heard that

sometimes women poop,

like during the birth.

It's natural.

Um... oh!

I read online

that it was possible

for doctors to identiry patients

by their vaginas.

Did you hear that?

I was just curious.

Good luck to you, son.

- Yeah, it's not important.

- No.

Ginger,

I'll see you next week.

Okay, well,

I guess, uh...

So, tomorrow night.

For what?

Dinner

with my parents.

- Right.

- Jesus!

No...

it's awesome.

So, hey...

Good night, Barry.

That's cool.

I'm really tired.

Hi.

Okay.

This is our second child,

and while my wife knows

that she won't fit

into her old clothes,

she's still beautiful.

And it's my job to tell her

that she looks amazing

all the time.

Hi, beautiful.

Hi.

Which I try to do

as regularly as possible.

Hi.

You're early.

What?

Uh, I don't want you

to take this the wrong way,

but that dress

doesn't do you justice.

That's interesting,

Barry.

You didn't seem to have

a problem with this dress

the night you pulled it

off my body and had sex with me.

So, I've been

kickin' around some names.

The baby

already has a name.

What is it?

If it's a boy, Haywood.

- Haywood?

- Mm-hmm.

Haywood Munday?

- Don't be stupid.

- What?

The baby's last name

won't be Munday.

Why not?

Because we're not

married, idiot.

L-l...

but I'm the father.

- So?

- So...

Come on,

I mean, l...

I stepped up

to the responsibility.

One trip to my doctor

to ask him

about his other patients'

vaginas is not stepping up.

Yeah, but it's

our baby, right?

It's yours and mine,

right?

I mean I'm here,

Ginger. I'm the father.

Fine, fine!

Fine.

The baby won't have

a last name.

It'll just be Haywood.

No, that...

just Haywood?

I don't think you can do that

legally, can you?

Why not? Lots of famous people

in history only have one name.

Moses.

Cleopatra.

Calvin.

- Who's Calvin?

- Jesus.

So, if the baby

only gets one name,

why do you get

to decide?

Why?

'Cause this baby's

in me, not you.

Because every minute

I'm making a human being, not you.

And because my tits

feel like two ziplock bags

full of dried-up oatmeal.

Do yours?

I don't think

it's fair

to use my biological

disadvantages against me.

You know I'd switch places

with you if I could.

I would, seriously.

I go to work alone,

I sleep alone,

but you get to experience

a connection to this baby

I am completely

excluded from.

Just so you know, my parents think

that you put drugs in my drink

and had intercourse

with me while I was unconscious.

Honey, well...

This is for you.

Come with me, son.

- I want you to see a few of these trophies.

- Wonderful.

- Who's this?

- This is our youngest, Jennifer.

Any pictures of Ginger?

Yeah...

No.

She doesn't

like pictures.

Sit down, son.

So, Mr. Munday,

we've got ourselves a bit

of a situation here, don't we?

Yes, sir.

Um...

l... I'm not sure

what you've been told

concerning my actions.

Wait a minute.

Did you not tell my daughter

that you would accept

full responsibility for being

father of this baby, you sh*t-eater?

- Yes, um...

- Financially, morally?

- L...

- I'm sorry, but did you not say

that all these things

would be your actions, Mr. Munday?

I thought

you-you were...

Nah, that's... I thought

you were talking about...

About what? Talking about what?

What are you talking about?

Uh, nothing.

Nothing?

Mr. Munday,

Ginger is hardheaded,

and yes, unappreciative

at times

of her family's love,

but she is my daughter.

Remember that.

Yes sir.

Good.

Oh, pumpkin farm!

Dinner's ready.

I expect you'll be

looking forward

to continuing this

later on, Mr. Munday.

Yes sir.

So, you're Barry

the rapist.

Tell us about yourself, Barry.

This is the first time

Ginger has ever

brought a man home to meet us.

Our Jennifer brings

fellas home all the time.

But that's Jennifer.

I'm a slut.

You stop that.

She is not a slut.

She's graduating

from business school

and she plays

three instruments.

Jennifer is very

very special... ed.

Ow.

Personally, I think

this is nice for Ginger,

even though I don't approve of the way

the two of you did your business.

- Mom...

- I blame myself.

I tell her it's not natural

to be by herself all the time.

I've told her this

since she was 14,

"You need to put on makeup,

nice dresses,

show some pride,

like Jennifer."

Leave her alone, Mom.

Let's ask Barry.

You like makeup,

don't you?

- L...

- She does it for attention.

- I can't believe this.

- Calm down.

All I'm saying is,

it's great to have Barry here.

He gets that.

I think Ginger's beautiful.

And personally,

as the father,

I feel it's my role

to tell her she looks

amazing all the time,

which I try

to do regularly.

So, Barry, um, you were

telling my wife

about yourself.

Oh, well, not much

to tell, really.

I flirted with architecture

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