Barry Munday Page #4

for a while.

I thought about getting

into triathlons,

or relay races.

Been in insurance...

about a year.

Um...

it's good.

It's really good.

- Where?

- It's on Moorpark.

Green Insurance.

Lonnie Green's

a great friend of mine.

I'll call him,

arrange to have lunch,

the three of us.

That would be great.

Get to know the new

father a little bit.

That sounds good.

Well...

we're gonna

have a baby.

That's wonderful.

Anyone like

a gin and tonic?

So, where'd

you two meet?

Snatchers.

I see.

I guess you knew Barry

before the operation.

I guess so.

So, Ginger,

mother to mother,

what is it that you want

for this baby?

Besides healthy?

I guess I just want

my child to feel

loved and appreciated,

even if it's 180 degrees

different from me.

I would be very proud

to have a gay child.

So, where are we having

this wonderful new addition?

St. Joseph's?

I'm having

a water birth at home.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Yeah, the doctor

thought it was a great idea.

And it's natural

and beautiful.

So...

Well, I'd like to do whatever

I can to help out.

You're gonna need

a baby bed, and bottles,

and lots and lots

of diapers.

That's great, Mom.

Thanks.

I appreciate it, but my baby

won't be wearing diapers.

I mean, why is it

we can teach a kitten

just a few months old

to use a sandbox,

but a child,

infinitely more intelligent,

walks around shitting in their pants

for two years?

Ginger read that.

This doctor... what's his name?

Plus, all the harmful

pathogens in human feces,

just smushed in there

in that hot incubator

of a diaper.

Ugh!

She comes from

a really nice family...

wealthy, nice house.

Her sister plays

three instruments.

Honey, I don't care

if she's a Kennedy.

A cat box?

She wants to train your baby

to use a cat box.

Can you imagine?

There she is!

Where is your bathroom?

Oh, go around

this corner

and through

the living room,

just on your right,

past the zebra.

A cat box.

You want to maybe

tell me about this operation

in case I get placed

in that situation again, "honey"?

Um...

I went to a matinee

a few months ago,

um... one second

I was watching a movie...

No!

...and six hours later

I woke up

in a hospital

where they had removed

my testicles.

What happened

in the matinee?

I wish I knew.

I actually have no memory

due to the trauma.

Are you serious?

Well, the doctor said

it may come back eventually,

um, maybe not,

but I hope so.

You have no testicles.

I don't know why

I never told you about...

about it before,

but with the baby,

you being pregnant

was a real miracle

in a lot of ways.

- Shut up.

- No, come on, I'm serious.

I don't know,

I just...

you came,

and there's

purpose now.

Direction.

- Morning, Hoss.

- Oh, hey.

- Free for lunch?

- Uh, sure.

Good, an old buddy of mine, Tom,

asked for you specifically.

- Tom...?

- Tom Farley.

Asked for my number one

sh*t-eater.

Aw, man, I'd love to get a piece

of that business.

How do you know Tom,

anyway?

I'm, uh... I'm friends

with his daughter.

- Ah, Tom!

- Ah, Lon! How're you doin'?

- Nice to see you, man!

- You look spectacular!

You've

lost weight, man.

You don't mind if my daughter

joins us, do you?

I was downtown shopping, so...

No no, not at all.

Nice to see you again.

You too.

Hi, Barry.

- Hi, Jennifer.

- Oh, I think our table's ready.

Thank God, I thought you were talking

about the other daughter.

- Menu, sir?

- Thank you.

Well, anyway,

I'm really glad

we were able to do this,

my old friend

and my...

uh...

Yeah, Barry

is quite a guy.

Yeah.

- So, what's good here?

- I'm a red sauce man, myself.

- Best in town.

- Oh!

Hey-yy...

Jen.

Hey, Barry.

The calamari gets good reviews.

Whitefish...

my favorite

are the chops.

- Specials somewhere.

- Ah.

Hi, lover.

So, this

your little kitty cat?

Oh no, Lida. Look, this is not

the time or the place...

Oof!

Gentlemen.

Ooh.

She's an old girlfriend.

Before Ginger.

A long time ago.

Ginger?

My other daughter.

So, I heard you had

an interesting lunch yesterday.

She's an old girlfriend.

She's crazy.

What old girlfriend?

They didn't...

I thought...

I'm kidding.

Of course they told me.

You're such an idiot.

Why do you

do that...

all the "idiot,

sh*t-eater" stuff all the time?

Oh, I'm sorry, Barry,

am I hurting

your feelings?

No, I mean, ahem...

I'm trying to be nice.

See, I can't win.

It's like you constantly

expect me

to disappoint you.

And why would I

expect that?

All right,

I'm an idiot sh*t-eater.

But for the record,

you should know

expectation

is nothing but planned

resentment.

Do you have that written

on a poster on the wall of your office?

No, it's a book,

a good book,

and I think it's true.

And if you want to carry that around

with you all the time,

hey, that's your bag.

But remember,

you called me.

And I'm here.

Whatever. It doesn't matter.

I don't blame you

for a goddamn thing.

Well, I want it

to matter.

I want you to like me.

Ginger, the doctor

will see you now.

Liking people

is easy, Barry.

Oh Mama,

I'm in fear for my life...

Hey, man, honestly,

thanks for comin'.

Of course.

You look great.

Like a red car wash.

I figured if I make it,

and keep goin' on,

then we could

keep partying,

then we'll take it down

to the Beaver Tree.

Yeah, strip joint.

You in?

The jig is up

the news is out

They've finally

found me...

Heavy Metal Greg is the sh*t!

Cups!

Whoo-oo!

Hey, by the way,

I'm gonna have a baby.

- A what?!

- Yeah, a baby!

No, no,

he just looks young.

- No...

- It's his song selection. That's the key.

Up!

Oh Mama,

I'm in fear for my life...

- Up!

- From the long arm of the law...

I can't believe you won!

Whoo!

The area finals!

- And beavers!

- Yeah!

Hey, Donald,

you know somethin'?

What?

I think you might be

my only friend.

- Gentlemen and gentlemen, please welcome...

- What?!

...the exotic and spectacular Dreamer.

- Nothin'.

Good talent tonight.

No, not Italian.

I think she's Spanish.

Exactly.

Here I go again

on my own...

Going down the only road

I've ever known...

Like a drifter

I was born to walk alone...

And I've made up

my mind...

Hey, Barry.

I ain't wastin'

no more time

But here I go again...

- Hey, hey!

- It's army style! Army style!

Why don't you give us

that sweet little p*ssy, baby?

Whoo!

Here I go...

Yeah!

Get off of her!

Hey, man! Hey!

Barry!

Hey, break it up!

Come here!

- You know who I am?!

- Knock it off!

Area finals!

Don't break it!

Don't break it!

Be cool, dude.

I'm just comin' for the trophy.

- What the hell, dude?

My night.

What?

Barry,

what are you doing here?

- What's that?

- What?

Nothing! Shut up!

What do you want?

No, uh, sorry, I just...

I just...

wanted to make sure

the baby was okay.

- Don't be stupid.

- I'm not being stupid.

I'm not being stupid.

The baby's fine.

I just...

Can I come in?

Go home, Barry.

It's 2:
00

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