Barry Munday Page #7

he pees out of his anus.

Now that's

just bragging.

Sometimes

you remind me

of Joey from

the first season of "Friends."

Was he awesome?

No.

I mean, kind of.

I liked it.

I liked him on that.

He was funny.

Were you really a virgin

before our sex?

Did you think

I was lying to you?

You don't remember

that night at all?

That sucks.

Hey, why me?

I mean, that night,

why... why with...

with me?

M-most of my life,

I think, you know,

people never really

paid much

attention to me.

They kinda

just forgot about me.

I mean, they would think

like, "What's the point?"

Or they would just look at me and think,

"Why bother?" You know?

And people

I work with,

my family,

and, um, so...

I don't know, I found

kind of a safety in that...

like, that there was

no judgment then.

No overt judgment.

You mean, you...

you dress like this

on purpose, and you know.

Well, I don't expect you

to understand it,

but there is

kind of a...

a power

in being...

undesirable.

But then I almost got

in this car accident that day...

the day of the night...

and this guy yelled

out his window...

Watch where you're going,

you ugly b*tch!

And, um, and it just

took it all away,

just that one sentence.

And I just felt really...

like an ugly b*tch.

So, that night...

- Night will follow day...

I just really needed

to feel desirable.

Well, I'm glad he called you

an ugly b*tch.

Thanks, Barry.

Can you still...?

Oh, yeah, the doctor said I can...

have what's called

a "dry orgasm."

- Oh, gross.

- Yeah, it's gross.

Ginger, this is

the first time l...

When I'm ready

When I'm able...

I cut the night

and grease the sky

You said that you were

tired of feeling down

It's a story...

What's that?

Oh, I got it

in college.

- It's dumb.

- Naw.

I thought

it would cheer me up.

You never thought

your feet would touch the ground...

I just want

to break the ice

Can't we still

meet up tonight?

We jumped so low,

we fell so high...

Oh, Debbie

When will you

make up your mind?

No one said

that love is kind

We had a laugh,

we had a cry...

- I did it!

- Almost!

- She's mine!

- Yes!

- Is it mine?

- Yes! Yours!

Mine!

Cornelia!

I didn't mean it like...

I just said it 'cause...

Who says their baby's

name during sex?

I was happy.

Yeah, we could still...

Another time, Barry.

Hey.

What's this?

A little appreciation.

I just talked to Tom Farley

this morning.

He wanted you

to handle it personally.

Oh.

Yes. Thank you.

Oh, by the way,

I need you to stay late tonight.

Martin Lefleur

is supposed to call

around about

I need you to walk him through

the proposal. Cool?

Sure. Yeah.

Cool.

Hello?

Ginger?

What the hell?

Surprise!

Happy birthday!

Happy birthday, Barry.

Your mom and I wanted to organize

something special for you.

- Are you surprised?

- Yeah, I forgot it was my birthday.

- Happy birthday, bro.

- Hey, man!

Got you

a little somethin'.

Your mom said

it's the good stuff,

so I went ahead

and had a little sip.

Yes, you did.

Dr. Habib.

- Hey, Barry, how are you?

- I'm doing great.

How's it all feelin' down there?

Everything workin'?

- Yeah, it's workin'.

- Really?

- Only kidding, Barry. Happy birthday!

- Hey, thanks.

I can't believe you fell for that

late-phone-call trick.

- What?

- I mean, come on, Martin Lefleur?

That son of a b*tch

never calls.

Happy birthday, Barry.

Happy birthday!

Thanks.

Could believe, do...

And share in what was true, I said...

Hey, sexy.

No.

You know, I thought a lot

about what you said.

And you're right.

Which part?

I was bored

and jealous.

Not that you're not

a sexy man, Barry.

Come on, that was you at the Beaver Tree.

Come on, wasn't it?

Just say it.

Nobody'll believe me anyway.

Happy birthday, pervert.

- You want a lime?

- No.

- Cubes for your wine?

- No thanks.

When I, you

And everyone we knew

Could believe, do

And share in what was true,

I said...

Dance hall days, love

Dance hall days, love

Dance hall days

Dance hall days, love

- Happy birthday.

- Dance hall days

Dude, you know Dreamer

from the Beaver Tree?

And you need her

and she needs you

And you need her...

I impregnated one of

the last random women I conquered

before my testicles vanished

from the face of this earth.

I never stopped

to consider

whether she would be

a good mother for my child,

or even whether I'd be able

to sit in the same room

with the woman

after the sex act was complete.

And yet somehow,

through this disconnected

senselessness,

I set in motion

a chain reaction of happiness.

Now it's hard

for me to believe

I never would've

chosen this life.

And I sometimes think

of the days

I was buried in my cave,

feeling sorry for myself,

letting my hand

drift between my legs

to make sure

I wasn't dreaming.

But I also remember getting that letter

from Newton Creech

and reading

every word twice.

Before I could even

think about it,

before I could even

poison the reaction,

I was overjoyed...

overjoyed at the idea

of a new life,

part of me

somewhere in the world,

waiting on the verge

of possibility.

- Barry, there you go.

- Thanks, sir.

I guess one man's burden

can really be

another man's happiness.

Let's go. Oh!

- Sorry, sir.

- Oh, no problem.

Of course I still think

it would be pretty rad

to be an architect.

Or a triathlete.

Or a yoga instructor.

Can you tell me,

I want to believe

That you want to be with me

forever

I need to know

that you won't ever leave

And you won't run away

from me never

I've been waiting

for a long time

For the one

who would be mine

I think it's time

Everything's all right

The way

that you believe in me

It takes me

through the night

I fall beside you

softly singing

That I've been waiting

for a long time

For the one

who would be mine

I think it's time

In the morning,

I see what you mean

'Cause I don't want

to make it without you

You've got me dreaming,

and after you leave

When you're gone

I'm still thinking about you

I've been waiting

for a long time

For the one

who would be mine

I think it's time

I think everything's

all right

The way that you

believe in me

And it takes me

through the night

I fall beside you

softly singing

Na na-na na-na

Tomorrow

is another morning

Na na-na na-na

Tomorrow

is another morning

If you say

you will be mine

I think it's time

I think it's time...

It's time. It's time!

I like to make it

With my baby

every night

Everything's all right

Every morning

when I wake

I fall into your eyes

I want to go

I believe

we're gonna make it

Na na-na na-na

Tomorrow

is another morning

Na na-na na-na

Tomorrow

is another morning

If you're alone tonight

Believe me,

I've been waiting for you

Everything's all right

Yeah!

Who's the coolest guy

in the world?

His name is Barry

Barry the man

Who's the baddest dude

of all time?

I just said Barry

Can't you understand?

That he's fighting

his way to the top

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