Bashment Page #4

YOU AIN'T GOTTA

BE POLITICALLY CORREC'.

SO JUST TELL HIM YOU AIN' BATTY, YEAH, DREAD,

AND HE'LL LET YOU GO.

[FANG]

HE CAN'T SAY I 'CAUSE HE IS QUEER.

INNIT WHITE BOY?

YOU ARE A DUTTY RAAS

PUSSYRAAS,

BLOODCLAAT QUEER.

INNIT?

CHI-CHI MAN?

YES.

IS WHA' HIM SAY--

WHAT HE SAID YES?

YES.

AND EVERY NIGHT,

YOU SUCK THAT WIGGA

WANNABE'S COCK, INNIT?

AND YOU F***ING

LOVE IT, INNIT?

SAY IT!

YOU F***ING LOVE IT!

I LOVE...

HIM.

YOU LOVE HIM?

A MAN?

WELL AIN'T THA A F***ING B*TCH?

NAH, MAN.

THAT'S A F***ING B*TCH!

[CHILDREN SINGING]

[YOUNG ORLY]

NANA! NANA!

NANA!

[NANA'S VOICE]

ORLY, MY LOVE.

WHAT'S WRONG?

[CHILDREN]

ORLY KISSES BO-OYS!

THEY WON'T PLAY

WITH ME, NANA.

THEY SAY:

I'M NOT A REAL BOY.

THEY HATE ME.

THEY CAN'T, ORLY.

THEY DON'T KNOW YOU.

THEY'RE JUST LITTLE BOYS

AND GIRLS,

WHO DON'T KNOW BETTER.

BUT WE:

KNOW BETTER, ORLY.

WE KNOW BETTER.

THANK YOU, NANA.

[CROWD CHEERS]

WHOA WHOA WHOA,

YO YO, OKAY.

ALL RIGHT,

SECOND ROUND.

WHITE MAN REACH!

WHOO!

[CROWD CHEERS]

YEAH YEAH,

J.J., J.J., MY BRUDDA,

J.J., MY BRUDDA,

ALL Y'ALL SECKLE DOWN NOW,

YOU ARE THE OFFICIAL WINNER.

THE OFFICIAL WINNER

OF THE URBAN SLAM

M.C. THROWDOWN FINALS!

[CROWD CHEERS]

AND IN YOUR OWN WORDS,

MY FRIEND, TELL ME,

HOW DOES IT FEEL?

I WANT TO THANK MY BREDREN

AND SISTREN THEM,

FOR GIVING A LICKLE WHITE BOY

FROM BRISTOL A SQUEEZE, YEAH?

[GRUNTS]

I WANNA THANK YOU FOR PROVING

THAT ALLA DEM DAT RECKON

RAGGA AND HIP-HOP AIN'T READY

FOR SOMETHING NEW.

DON'T SPEAK FOR ALLA US, YEAH?

[GRUNTS, SCREAMS]

I WANT TO THANK THE LEGENDS

WHO PAVED THE WAY,

BLACK, WHITE, BROWN,

WHATEVER, YEAH?

[ILLMANIACS HOLLER]

ALL RIGHT,

BUT MOST OF ALL,

I WAN TO THANK MY BOY

[ILLMANIACS LAUGH]

AIGHT, MY LOVER,

ORLANDO YEAH,

ORLANDO.

MY BEAUTIFUL LOVER

ORLANDO, YEAH.

FOR BEIN' MY

INSPIRATION.

[CROWD BOOS]

AN' FOR, FOR BEING

MY HEART AND MY SOUL.

[SCREAMS]

[VENOM]

YO, GET OUT THE WAY!

WELL THANK YOU, YEAH?

ONE LOVE!

YO YO YO YO, RELAX.

RELAX PEOPLE, DJ,

DROP SOME BEATS.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,

LET'S CALM DOWN,

PEOPLE, CALM DOWN NOW.

[MUSIC STARTS]

ORLY, I TOLD YOU

TO STAY WHERE I COULD...

[MIC DROP ECHOES]

NO NO NO...

[J.J. WHIMPERS]

WOULD SOMEONE COME

AND HELP ME?

[HOLLERING, LAUGHING]

[ALL]

BOOM GO A GA IN A BATTY BWOY BRAIN!

GO ON PULL THE TRIGGER

IN A N*GGER BRUTHAS NAME

[SIRENS WAIL]

HEY, PULL OVER, MAN!

F***.

WHAT'S UP, BLOOD?

I SAID PULL OVER, MAN.

DO IT!

YO SISTA,

GIMME A TWIX, YEAH?

PLEASE?

HE WAS WHITE.

WHAT?

MY MOTHER:

WAS THE BLACK ONE.

HE WORKED IN A TANNERY

SKINNING SHEEP.

HE WASN'T A NIGGA,

NOR WAS SHE,

AND NOR AM I.

'WAS?'

WHEN THEY WERE ALIVE.

MAYBE WE SHOULD SPLIT UP.

[SIREN WAILS]

[CAR DOORS SLAM]

[SIRENS CONTINUE]

I'LL SEE YOU ROUND, YEAH?

AND TURN OVER, PLEASE.

T-SHIRT, PLEASE SIR.

STRAIGHTEN UP.

SEE ANYTHING YOU FANCY,

BATTYMAN?

[THUD]

[ORLANDO]

THIS IS A MISTAKE,

RUDE BOY.

ORLY.

I'VE BLOWN A MONTH'S BUDGE ON DRESSING LIKE BEENIE MAN,

AND I'M MINCING

OUT OF THE HOUSE

LOOKING LIKE:

QUEENIE MAN.

I'M A LIABILITY.

YOU'RE NOT A LIABILITY.

THEN...

WHY'VE YOU NEVER

BROUGHT ME ALONG BEFORE?

'CAUSE EVERYONE

ON THE URBAN SCENE

HATES BOTTYBOYS:

AND CHA-CHA MEN.

BATTYBOYS:

AND CHI-CHI MEN.

IT'S JUST MUSIC, ORLY.

ONCE THEY GET TO KNOW YOU,

THEY'LL LOVE YOU

JUST AS MUCH AS I DO.

[PHONE RINGING]

BLOODY HELL, ORLY,

IT'S THREE IN THE MORNING.

HEY, UM, UM--

HELLO?

HELLO?

I'M SORRY,

SORRY TO BOTHER YOU,

SO LATE, UM...

FOR CHRIST'S SAKES,

DON'T YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS?

UH, YEAH, I'M SORRY.

WHO IS THIS?

WHERE DID YOU GET THIS PHONE?

IT'S-- IT'S J.J.

ORLANDO'S BOYFRIEND?

[DIAL TONE]

HELLO?

HELLO?

[DIAL TONE CONTINUES]

[PHONE VIBRATES]

[PHONE VIBRATES]

[CONTINUES]

HELLO?

[DOOR OPENS]

MISTER...

WOLFAVITZ?

DANIEL PEARL.

I'VE BEEN ASSIGNED BY LEGAL AID

TO DEFEND YOUR CASE.

YOU'RE FIRED.

WELL, THAT WAS

NICE AND QUICK.

TELL 'EM I WANT A BRUTHA

ON MY CASE, ALL RIGHT?

AND MAKE HIM STRAIGH WHILE YOU'RE AT IT.

AH.

WHAT?

WHAT?

THAT MAY PROVE IRKSOME.

I'M AFRAID THERE'S ONLY ONE

HETEROSEXUAL BLACK MAN

ON LEGAL AID:

IN THIS CATCHMENT AREA,

AND HE'S SNOWED UNDER WITH CASES

FOR A LEAST A YEAR.

THERE ARE:

A COUPLE OF BLACK WOMEN.

I THINK ONE OF THEM MIGHT BE

STRAIGHT OR AT LEAST...

BISEXUAL.

WOULD YOU LIKE ME

TO MAKE ENQUIRIES?

SO WHY AIN'T YOU

BOOKED UP?

YOU THE DREGS OR WHAT?

I AM THAT RARE BREED--

THE BRIGHT-EYED,

BUSHY-TAILED IDEALIS BURDENED WITH ENOUGH

WHITE LIBERAL GUIL TO PRESENT YOUR CASE

WITH THE UTMOST COMMITMEN TO THE RULE OF LAW WITHOU PERSONAL PREJUDICE.

[HISSES]

HOWEVER, AS YOU

SEEM SO SURE:

THAT A HETEROSEXUAL

BLACK SOLICITOR:

WILL BE MORE SYMPATHETIC

TO YOUR POSITION,

I HUMBLY BOW TO YOUR

DECISION, GOOD DAY.

[VENOM]

HE CALLED US N*GGERS.

[GAVEL SLAMS]

HE THOUGH WE WAS DRUG DEALERS.

AND WHEN WE SAID WE'RE WEREN'T,

HE CALLED US:

THE N-WORD.

AND WE OVERREACTED.

I'M USUALLY A PEACEFUL MAN,

YOUR HONOR,

I SWEAR ON MY BIBLE,

I DON'T KNOW WHAT CAME OVER ME.

BUT I KNOW THIS, MA'AM.

I'M REALLY, REALLY...

SORRY.

[DANIEL]

IMAGINE YOU ARE ONE OF THESE

FOUR HARD-WORKING,

FOCUSED YOUNG MEN,

AT THE STAR OF YOUR DREAM CAREER,

A CAREER THAT WILL

TAKE YOU AWAY:

FROM YOUR HUMBLE BEGINNINGS,

AND TO A WORLD OF INFINITE

POSSIBILITIES.

YOU ARE HYPED UP.

BLOOD FILLED:

WITH A HEALTHY SURGE

OF MID-COMPETITION TESTOSTERONE,

WHEN YOU ARE SUDDENLY CONFRONTED

WITH A DRUNK, ANGRY SUPPORTER

OF THE COMPETITION,

TRYING TO PSYCHE YOU OU WITH A TORREN OF THE MOST SHOCKING

AND PAINFUL RACIST ABUSE.

IMAGINE SOMEONE:

LOOKS YOU IN THE EYE

ON THE BEST NIGHT OF YOUR LIFE

AND CALLS YOU A N*GGER.

AND TELL ME THAT YOUR RESPONSE,

HOWEVER MILD,

HOWEVER IMPASSIONED...

IS UNPROVOKED.

[GAVEL SLAMS]

WOULD THE DEFENDANTS

PLEASE RISE?

I HEREBY SENTENCE

HUNTER, CAMPBELL, AND LAWRENCE

TO TWO YEARS:

IN HER MAJESTY'S PRISON.

AS FOR YOU, WOLFAVITZ,

I HAVE TAKEN:

INTO ADDITIONAL CONSIDERATION

THE SUBMISSION:

FROM YOUR SOLICITOR,

THAT CONSIDERING

YOUR BACKGROUND AND EDUCATION,

THIS SITUATION WAS NOT TYPICAL

OF YOUR PREVIOUS CHARACTER,

AND THAT YOU WERE

TO A GREATER EXTEN PLAYING THE NAIVE GAME

OF FOLLOW-MY-LEADER.

YOU ARE SENTENCED

TO EIGHTEEN MONTHS.

BAILIFF, TAKE THEM DOWN.

[GAVEL SLAMS]

TEN MONTHS ALREADY SERVED

ON REMAND.

THEY'LL BE OUT IN, LIKE,

SIX MONTHS:

WITH TAGS ON THEIR ANKLES.

[GROANS]

IT'S ENOUGH TO MAKE A BOY

VOTE TORY.

[ORLY]

J.J.?

[J.J.]

ORLY?

[ORLY]

J.J.!

HEY, HEY, BABY.

WHAT YOU DOING UP AGAIN

SO SOON?

I HAD ANOTHER DREAM.

MY HEAD WAS ICE CREAM,

AND YOU WAS AN ALSATIAN,

AND, AND, YOU--

YOU KEPT LICKING

MY FACE:

AND SWALLOWING ME!

BIT BY BIT, MY,

SHH, SHH.

MY EYES, MY EARS,

MY EYEBROWS, MY NOSE

I WAS A DOG'S DINNER.

HEY, HEY HEY HEY,

SHUSH...

SHUSH.

HEY.

THIS IS REAL.

SEE?

I'M ME AND YOU'RE YOU.

WE'RE REAL.

[WATER DRIPS]

ORLY.

WHAT?

[J.J.]

YOU KNOW WHAT,

WE'VE DISCUSSED THIS.

[ORLY]

KEEVIE!

[CHUCKLES]

HEY YOU.

KEEVIE, KEEVIE, KEEVIE!

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes