Bashment Page #5

[LAUGHS]

[ORLY]

WHAT'S WRONG?

YOU LOOK SO SAD.

SHUSH.

[ORLY]

ARE YOU FEELING SICK?

I GOT HEADACHE PILLS,

YOU WANT SOME?

OH, MY GOSH!

J.J.,

CAN KEVAN STAY?

ORLY, KEVAN DON' WANT TO STAY, SILLY,

HE'S GOT THINGS TO DO.

OH PLEASE,

PLEASE, PLEASE!

HE CAN SLEEP:

IN OUR BED,

THERE'S, THERE'S

LOADS OF ROOM!

CAN HE, CAN HE,

PLEASE?

KEVAN, DO YOU WAN TO STAY?

SURE.

YEAH!

I'LL GO AND GE MY SPARE PAJAMAS!

HEY, CAREFUL, CAREFUL.

[KEVAN]

YOU ALRIGHT?

YOU MUST HATE THEM

SO MUCH.

NOT ALL OF THEM.

JUST THE ONES:

WHO ARE LIKE THEM.

THE GHETTOEY ONES.

THIS DIDN'T HAPPEN

'CAUSE THEY WERE BLACK, MATE.

BUT THAT'S WHY THEY'RE

GETTING AWAY WITH IT,

ISN'T IT?

THAT'S WHAT'S BEHIND

THE JUDGE'S RULING.

IN THE END,

YOU SHOULD'VE KNOWN

HOW THEY'D REAC TO A PAIR OF BATTY BOYS.

THEY'RE NOT SUPPOSED

TO KNOW BETTER,

AND YOU ARE.

KEVAN, WE CAN' THINK LIKE THIS, MAN.

THEY CAN?

OH, THEY CAN FEEL

WHAT THEY LIKE:

BECAUSE THEY'RE STILL

RECOVERING FROM SLAVERY,

IS THAT IT?

WE'RE NO SLAVE-OWNERS.

WE'RE NOT RACISTS.

DOES THAT MEAN WE

HAVE TO BE F***ING PUNCH-BAGS

JUST BECAUSE WE'RE

LIBERAL WHITE QUEERS?

ALL RIGHT, THEY DON' HAVE TO LOVE US BACK

BUT DO THEY:

HAVE TO HATE US?

ONE OF THEM WAS WHITE,

REMEMBER.

HE WAS WHITE:

ONCE HE GOT TO COURT,

BUT WHEN HE WAS STAMPING

YOUR LOVER'S BRAINS OUT,

WHAT COLOR WAS HE TRYING

TO BE, THEN, EH?

[ORLY]

KEEVIE!

HE'S COMING!

I'LL BE UP

IN A MINUTE, YEAH?

OKAY.

[SOBS]

[CONTINUES]

JUST BE GOOD GIRLS.

[SOBS]

[GRUNTS]

WHATTUP, MY BREDREN?

[THEY LAUGH]

HOW YOU GE SO SKINNY, SON?

GANJA DIET.

BAD BWOY.

[EGGY]

STAYING LEAN,

STAYIN' MEAN!

MY BOYZ!

MY NIGGA!

HOW'S THE RUNNIN'S

OVER IN C WING, MAN?

YOU SOME BUFF NIGGA'S

B*TCH YET?

YO, F*** YOU

AND THE DICK:

YOU RODE IN ON, ALL RIGHT?

I'M IN A CELL WITH

TWO WHITE MUTHAFUCKERS, MAN.

SH*T MAN,

THAT JUST AIN'T RIGHT!

YEAH, YOU FEELIN' MY PAIN?

JUS' WRONG, BRO!

IS THEM DO THA TO YOUR FACE, BLOOD?

YEAH, THEY SEE ME

COME IN WITH YOU LO AND THEY HAD A PROBLEM.

I HAD TO REGULATE, INNIT?

IT'S ALL UNDER CONTROL.

BLACK PEOPLES!

NEGROOOOOO!

[EGGY]

REUNIOOOON!

ILLMANICS IN THE HOUSE!

SO, FANG, ME BREDREN,

IS WHA' THE PLAN, MAN?

PLAN?

FOR THE APPEAL OR WHATEVER.

AIN'T THAT WHY YOU ARRANGE

THIS RENDEZVOUS?

AW MAN, YOU GOTTA BE

F***IN' KIDDIN' ME!

WELCOME TO:

'MEET THE VICTIM'!

F*** THIS, MAN.

SIT DOWN!

PLEASE.

[EGGY]

SO WHA' Y' WANNA HEAR,

WIGGA BOY?

APOLOGIES?

YOU WANT US TO BREAK DOWN

IN TEARS:

AND BEG:

FOR FORGIVENESS?

YOU WAN' SEE NIGGAS

ON THEIR KNEES?

[FANG]

HE WANTS US TO TURN BACK TIME

AND CURE HIS B*TCH, INNIT?

NAH, MAN.

HE WANTS TO HEAR

THE S-WORD.

HE WANTS US TO FEEL

THE S-WORD.

HE WANTS US TO RESTORE

HIS FAITH IN 'UMANITY.

WANTS TO BELIEVE AGAIN

THAT THE BLACK FOLK

AIN'T ALL BAD.

WANTS TO FEEL OKAY

FOR LOVING US:

DESPITE EVERYTHING,

FOR STILL WANTING

TO BE US.

HE DON'T WANT TO FACE THE FAC THAT HE AIN'T A REAL NIGGA,

AND HE'S JUST A TOURIST.

WANTS TO LIVE:

IN HIS DREAM WORLD,

AND FOR IT ALL:

TO ALL MAKE SENSE.

INNIT, WIGGABOY?

[EGGY]

IS THAT IT, WHITE BOY?

IS THAT THE MIRACLE

YOU'RE HERE FOR?

I JUST WANTED:

A LOOK AT YOU.

THANKS.

G'WAN, G'WAN,

THAT'S MY BATTY BWOY!

GWAN WIT' YOUR NASTY-RAASTY,

DIRTY STINKIN'...

[MUFFLED]

AHH!

[ILLMANIACS LAUGH]

WELL, THAT WAS FUN.

[SAM]

TEN.

[GIGGLES]

NINE.

EIGHT.

[GIGGLING CONTINUES]

SEVEN.

SIX.

FIVE, FOUR,

THREE, TWO,

ONE!

WHERE IS THA WILY LITTLE ORLY?

I TELL YOU,

HE'S FAR TOO CLEVER

FOR ME.

MAYBE I'LL JUST HAVE TO...

BOO!

OW!

OOH!

COME HERE, SILLY!

POOR ORLY!

KISS IT UP TO HEAVEN!

OH, YOU'RE A TOUCH DAMP

IN THE RUMP.

COME ON, IT'S WIPING TIME,

PANTIES OFF, PRINCIPISSA.

AWWW, FLIP, HAVE I...

SAT IN SOMETHING AGAIN?

NO, LOVE,

YOU'VE PISSED YOURSELF.

COME ON, CHOP CHOP,

YOU DON'T WANNA GET NAPPY RASH.

I LOVE YOU, SAMMY.

SAM.

AND YOU LIKE ME.

YOU LOVE J.J.

YES.

BUT WHEN I TELL J.J.,

HE LOOKS SAD.

WELL, THAT'S MEN FOR YOU.

THEY CAN'T HANDLE COMMITMENT.

JUST KEEP TELLING HIM ANYWAY,

'TIL HE SMILES.

YOU HAVE TO WEAR 'IM DOWN.

[ORLY]

EXCUSE ME.

YES?

ORLANDO?

WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?

YOU'VE HAD

AN ACCIDENT, LOVE.

OH, YEAH.

[ORLY]

IS IT SUMMER NOW?

I LOVE THE SUMMER,

DON'T I?

THEY'RE NEVER LONG ENOUGH

IN LONDON.

WHEN YOU SEE J.J.,

WILL YOU TELL HIM

THAT I MISS HIM?

JUST IN CASE I FORGET?

I WILL,

BUT YOU TRY AND REMEMBER, YEAH?

[ORLY]

AAH,

I STINK.

OH, I'LL FETCH YOU

SOME CLEAN KNICKERS.

[GROANS]

MY BUM'S SORE!

ORLANDO?

SAMMY, MY BUM'S SORE!

WHAT YOU DOING:

ON THE FLOOR BABY?

COME ON!

J.J.!

SAM!

ORLY.

I LOVE YOU J.J.

YOU WANT TO PLAY

MUMMIES AND DADDIES?

ORLY!

YOU CAN BE DADDY!

ORLY--

[KNOCK AT DOOR]

WELL, SEEING

AS I DON'T LIVE HERE,

I'M GUESSING

THAT MUST BE FOR YOU.

SAM, TAKE ORLY

TO THE BATHROOM, PLEASE.

COME ON, SKUNKY BUM.

LOCK THE DOOR, YEAH?

YEAH?

MR. JOHANNSON?

I'M DANIEL PEARL.

I REPRESENTED THE DEFENSE

AT THE RECENT TRIAL.

DANIEL PEARL?

I'M SORRY TO HAVE

BOTHERED YOU AT HOME.

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

JUSTICE.

I KNOW THAT YOU BELIEVE

THAT IF YOUR PARTNER'S ATTACKERS

HAD BEEN JAILED FOR LIFE,

THAT WOULD BE JUSTICE.

IT WOULD NOT.

AS REPELLENT AND DEPRESSING

AS THEY ARE,

THOSE IGNORANT BULLIES

ARE NOT WHAT HAS CAUSED

YOUR UNSPEAKABLE SUFFERING.

THEY ARE MERELY THE CARRIERS

OF THE DISEASE:

THAT STRUCK YOUR LOVER DOWN.

I USED TO THINK:

THIS DISEASE WAS SOCIETY.

STRUGGLING TO MAKE SENSE

OF THIS SENSELESSNESS,

TO FATHOM THIS BRUTALITY,

UNTIL YESTERDAY,

[RADIO PLAYS]

I CAME ACROSS THIS...

EXTRAORDINARY SOUND.

BASS, DRUMS.

HYPNOTIC.

SEDUCTIVE.

SEXY.

HIJACKING THE VERY BEA OF MY CORRUPTIBLE HEART.

UNTIL I FOUND MYSELF

CHANTING TOO.

BOOM GO A GA IN A BATTY BWOY'S BRAIN

GO ON PULL A TRIGGER

IN A N*GGER BROTHA'S NAME

SEND A CHI-CHI MAN TO HELL

WITH A SPIKE IN HIS EYE

CHI-CHI MAN DIE,

CHI-CHI MAN DIE.

I'VE GOOGLED CHI-CHI

ON THE NET.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT MEANS?

TERMITE.

COCKROACH.

VERMIN.

VERMIN.

AND I WAS SINGING ALONG.

AND THEN I LOOKED

TO MY RIGHT.

BOOM GO A GA IN A BATTY BWOY'S BRAIN

OUR BRAINS WERE BEING

COLONISED, INFECTED.

GWAN PULL THE TRIGGA

IN A N*GGER BRUTHA'S NAME

I THINK YOU SHOULD TAKE OU A CIVIL CASE

AGAINST THE COMPOSERS,

PRODUCERS,

AND PERFORMERS RESPONSIBLE

FOR THIS MUSIC.

THEY ARE THE DISEASE.

WE CAN BE THE CURE.

AND THAT, PERHAPS,

MIGHT BE SOMETHING

LIKE JUSTICE.

[ORLY]

J.J.?

STAY IN THE BATHROOM, BABE,

I'LL BE THERE IN A MINUTE.

[ORLY]

J.J.,

LOOK AT MY FOOTSTEPS,

I'M ROBINSON CRUSOE!

MAN FRIDAY, ORLY.

[SAM]

MORE OF A WET WEEKEND, I'D SAY.

COME ON, SOGGY,

WE NEED TO SORT OUT YOUR TOES

BEFORE YOU GET TRENCH-FOO AND F*** UP MY CV.

OH, HELLO.

HELLO, SAM.

HELLO!

OH, HELLO ORLANDO.

[KEVAN]

HEY YOU!

HOW'D IT GO?

WHO'S THIS?

[SAM]

THIS IS DANIEL.

HE WAS THE DEFENSE LAWYER

IN THE--

I KNOW WHAT HE IS,

WHAT'S HE DOING HERE?

I JUST WANTED:

TO HAVE A QUICK WORD.

HOW ABOUT C*NT?

THAT'S A QUICK WORD.

KEVAN.

COME TO GLOAT, HAVE YA,

F***ING C*NT!

KEVAN!

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