Basmati Blues Page #4

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okay?

That's beside the point.

I, a farmer

from your own village am here.

I'm trying to help you.

Rice Number Nine

It's made by design a'

You're ahead of your time 4'

With Rice Number Nine a'

[farmer] Learn something.

The farmers like Rice Nine, Dad.

They just needed to know

there was someone behind it

-they could trust.

- Dr. Linda, hi.

- Dr. Linda, hello.

-[laughs] Hi.

Sounds like you made

some friends today.

[sighs] Now to win over

the rest of the country.

[groans]

Our little rice is all grown up.

[chuckles]

This harvest we're exchanging

our old, crappy rice

for shiny, new, high-yield

Rice Nine.

Hm.

[farmer]

They're having an event.

"Rice Exchange Day".

Right here, in the hallowed

cradle of Basmati rice.

Hallowed cradle?

What are you talking about?

- It's catchy.

-[all laugh]

Listen, if you think

some big agro-business

is gonna look out for your best

interests, you're crazy.

Move your cloud of doom

out of my sunlight.

I can't see my cards.

[men laugh]

[chatter in foreign language]

And I was not on vacation!

[all laughing]

Oh, hey, guys. Great news.

I survived my presentation.

You guys should stop by

and check it out

before I take this show

on the road.

[lows]

So, any questions about rice,

just let me know.

Did you know we've been farming

for over 5,000 years?

[laughs] It just feels that way.

-[animal grunts]

- That came out wrong.

I'm just here to help.

- Which is a great opportunity.

- Sure.

Did you know in today's India

we're worth more

than just, I don't know,

tech support

for some screaming,

sobbing American

who's erased their hard drives?

- Mogil sent me here--

- Oh, the benevolent Mogil.

You ever heard the phrase

a wolf in sheep's clothing?

Yeah. It's a lot like a person

who pretends to be helpful

and really they're just

screwing with somebody.

You thought we ate monkeys.

Because you lied to me.

If you weren't so self-involved

you would have remembered me

from the train and you wouldn't

have fallen for it.

Maybe you're not as memorable

as you think.

Because so many men

are falling at your feet

that you can't even remember

who they are.

How can you be so vain?

Wow, you're mad at me

because I don't remember you

and I'm the one who's vain?

Well...

You thought we ate monkeys!

[grunts]

[grunts]

[thunder rumbles]

Aman, could you stop the car?

[Linda] I feel like walking.

[Aman] Walking?

[Linda] I just want to look

at the stars.

[Aman] Sure, sure.

I know enough about biology r

To know that love

Is not some mystery 4'

It's chemicals I

It's only chemicals 4'

Maybe you're funny

And maybe you're smart r

Maybe your whole exceeds

The sum of your parts a'

Maybe your eyes

They're gonna break my heart a'

But don't you even think

I'm ever gonna start r

Getting physical r

You may be kissable a'

You see that oxytocin

Is released in a dream r

Seratonin's

Mixed with dopamine a'

Combined together

With adrenaline r

Your body starts singing

Like a violin I'

It's not magical r

Or mystical a'

Love, don't knock at my door a'

Don't come here no more a'

Love isn't what

I'm looking for now a'

Forget the sun

It's in the love poetry a'

That stuff has never meant

A damn to me I'

It's trivial 4'

Though understandable 4'

Remember they're sowing poison

In the food that we grow a'

It's terrifying

What the data shows r

Destroy our planet

And we'll reap what we sow I

And nobody in power

Seems to want to know a'

It's cataclysmical I'

But she's very beautiful x

Love, don't knock at my door a'

Don't come here no more a'

Love isn't what

I'm looking for now a'

Love, don't knock

At my door r

Don't come here no more a'

Love isn't what

I'm looking for now a'

She'd look wonderful beside me

At an embassy ball r

A lovely set of antlers

On my library wall a'

I'll teach her how to talk

With a superior drawl r

To London, Manhattan

To hell with them all a'

I feel masterful a'

A' So powerful a'

It's wonderful 4'

And she's very beautiful a'

Love, come knock at my door a'

You've missed me before I

Don't want to be alone

No more now I

Don't knock at my door a'

Don't come here

No more I'

Love isn't what

I'm looking for now a'

-a' Love r

-4' Love a'

Don't knock at my door a'

Don't come here no more a'

Love isn't what

I'm looking for now a'

[farmer] Rajit, why is it

when you tell me

not to sign the Mogil contract

I want to sign it more?

-[all laughing]

-[Rajit] You're not listening.

Look, with stinkweed my

rice harvest is gonna outweigh

anything you've ever grown.

You do know we've grown rice

for 5,000 years

-around here, young man.

- Ha-ha-ha!

We're talking about

a contest here, all right?

At harvest time,

take equal sections

of Linda's paddy field

and Rajit's field

and weigh them

against each other.

Biggest harvest wins.

Look, you're gonna forget about

Rice Exchange Day,

or Rice Nine or whatever,

and you're gonna line up

to buy my stinkweed.

Just keep your gossipy mouths

shut, okay?

Oh, you're gonna keep it

a secret from your girlfriend?

She's not his girlfriend.

Okay, look, I'm gonna tell her,

all right?

It's just, uh,

scientific protocol.

- Oh.

- Scientific-- [laughs]

- Just shut up about it, okay?

-[farmer] Yeah, yeah, right.

And if William pressures you

to sign...

Tell him the stars aren't lucky

until after Diwali.

Maybe he really did

learn something on vacation.

Hmm, no point signing

the Mogil contracts

until we see how this turns out.

Ooh. An epic battle

for our affections.

Let's spread the word. [laughs]

[Pop song plays]

[Raiit] It's me again.

Did anybody sign anything yet?

[man]

Dr. Watt is making sense.

And she speaks from the heart.

[Rajit] Please, I'm telling you

my stinkweed's gonna work.

Just give me until the harvest,

and I'll prove it.

Don't sign those contracts.

[Linda] It's nothing

to worry about, right?

There's always the anomaly.

Just one bad day.

Congratulations, Rajit.

Rice Paddy Radio

says nobody's signing.

[Evelyn] 12 cities and bupkis.

Not a single contract signed.

This is bad.

Are you hearing anything

on Rice Paddy Radio?

Rice Paddy what?

[pop song continues]

It's Linda's office,

they have her on the line.

Dr. Linda Watt.

I was just thinking about you.

Sorry, it's William J. Patel.

But I had to get through.

[Gurgon] Lapel.

It's Patel.

You're even handsomer

than I'd imagined.

What's up?

Actually, it's about

that wonder rice of yours,

the rice that produces no seed.

- La pel .

- Pa tel.

Rice is a seed.

About that contract of yours...

I had to read the fine print

three times

before I could understand

the implications.

Implications?

Once you take their rice,

they're trapped... by yours.

And you have the farmers

lining up for it,

thanks to Linda's passion.

- Now Lapel...

- My name is Patel.

I know it's your instinct

to shout those implications

from the top of

the tallest pagoda.

Linda has no idea, does she?

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