Bathing Beauty

Hey, Carlos. Did you learn this song

I wrote for Miss Brooks?

She'll be here in a couple minutes.

When you sing,

put your heart and soul into it.

Don't let her get away from you.

Don't worry.

When I sing, they never get away.

Good.

On second thought, you better

put my heart and soul into it, huh?

Okay.

Ladies and gentlemen...

...the famous Colombian baritone,

Seor Carlos Ramirez.

Hey, Carlos, there she is.

Let go, Carlos, please.

Please, Carlos, don't...

Sorry.

Hello, how are you?

I'm sorry.

Hello, how are you?

Gee, it's fun to be people.

- Darling.

- Yes, dear?

I wrote a letter to Dean Clinton last night.

I told her to get a new swimming teacher.

Sweetheart.

I just put a call through to George Adams

and told him to find a new songwriter.

- Darling.

- Yes, dear?

- I've a surprise for you.

- What?

I can cook.

Sweetheart, I have a surprise for you.

I can't eat.

Have these things

taken up to my room, will you?

- Name, please?

- Adams. George Adams.

- Very well, sir.

- Hello, George, what are you doing here?

Hello, Cugie, I'm here to find out

what goes on with that crazy songwriter.

You mean Elliott?

I mean Elliott.

He came to write music

for my water pageant.

And what do I get?

Nothing. I send at least 20 wires

asking what's wrong.

What does he answer?

Nothing. Cugie, I can't stand it.

What's happened to him? Where is he?

He's at the pool, of course.

Where else?

The pool? What are you talking about?

He hates water.

But wait till you see what's in it.

Oh, no. Don't tell me it's a woman.

I can't believe it.

- Steve would never fall for a bathing suit.

- But wait till you see what's in it.

You know, he plans to marry that girl.

Settle down here and retire.

Retire?

- No, no, no...

- Oh, yes, yes, yes...

But what am I gonna do

with Harry James?

What will I do with my water pageant,

these pipes, pumps and faucets?

I don't know.

Have you seen a plumber?

I beg your pardon.

I don't think I know you.

You don't, huh? Listen.

Don't try to give me the brushoff.

- I knew you when.

- When he what?

Yes, of course. How stupid of me.

It's little Mary Donovan.

Maria Dorango to you,

you big phony.

"I'm gonna make a star of you,

my dear girl.

I'm going to put your name

up in lights."

You put my name in your address book

and that's as far as it ever went.

But I never forgot you.

I was just waiting for the right role.

Darling, are you sure you're going

to be happy living here?

I was never so sure of anything

in all my life.

From now on, no more Tin Pan Alley,

no more smoky nightclubs...

...no more Broadway producers

like George Adams.

I'll never write another

boogie-woogie tune as long as I live.

With you as my inspiration, I can write

important music like symphonies...

...and tone poems or sonatas.

- We're still gonna be married tomorrow.

- Yes, of course.

Providing my grandfather

wires his consent and my dowry.

Your dowry?

- You mean, I'm gonna get money too?

- Oh, come on.

He can't do this to me.

I'm his best friend.

I'll get those songs

if I have to stop that marriage.

Maria, I've got it.

How good an actress are you?

- Well, l...

- Fine.

You're about to play the biggest part

of your career. Come on.

If there is anyone here who can show why

they shouldn't be joined in holy wedlock...

...let him speak now

or forever hold his peace.

Do you, Caroline, take this man

to be your lawful wedded husband?

I do.

Do you, Steven, take this woman

to be your lawful wedded wife?

I do.

I now pronounce you man and wife.

Stop.

What's the meaning of this?

This man is my husband.

- What?

- What?

- What?

- What proof have you?

What proof have I?

Oh, now... No, no, believe me.

Caroline.

Would you care for some lunch,

Miss Brooks?

You've got to connect me.

She's my husband. I mean, I'm her wife.

She checked out. Well, did she

leave a forwarding address?

Oh, she didn't, huh?

Okay.

George, she's gone and I've lost her.

- Steady, Steve. Caroline isn't the only girl.

- Well, she is for me.

We'll leave for New York immediately.

In times of stress, work is the solution.

Now, you finish packing.

I'll pay the bill.

Buck up. You must bury yourself

in your music.

Yeah, I'd just as soon bury myself.

Hello?

Cugie.

That crazy Dorango woman

been around?

She disappeared?

Why does she do this to me?

- Steve, I saw her.

- Which one?

- The good one, Caroline.

- Where?

She was at the travel window

buying a ticket.

Well, ticket for what?

You know where she was going?

I don't remember.

Something like, a cow.

Cow? Don't tell me

she went to Moscow?

No.

Istanbul?

No.

- Is there some such place as Jersey?

- Well, there's New Jersey.

That's where Victoria College is.

She's gone back to her old job. Come on.

- Hey, is this Victoria College?

- It isn't West Point.

Well, we finally made it. Fling open

the gates, my good man, I'm in a hurry.

Just hold your horses. The gates don't

fling until I find out what you want.

Oh, I wanna see

Miss Caroline Brooks.

Take off your hat.

- l...

- You aren't gonna see her.

We don't allow men in this school...

...and especially,

we don't allow men with red hair.

Well, I didn't know...

Oh, you don't allow men, huh?

What's that guy, a tomboy?

That's Professor Evans.

Professors don't count.

That guy can't read, either.

Nobody gets through these

but parents, teachers, students.

- Well, now, l...

- But you are a parent.

What about Tom, Dick and Harry?

You're wasting your time, mister.

Tell her to call me

at the Town and Country Club.

It's a matter of life and death.

Mine.

- Very pretty, but that one's flat.

- Oh, how are you, Harry?

Where have you been?

We've been looking for you.

I've been trying to get into college.

- Where's George?

- Out with a posse looking for you.

- He needs that music, Steve, so do I.

- Don't worry. You'll get it.

- Yeah?

- I'll start first thing in the morning.

Swell, now, don't go away.

I'll be back right after this number.

If you don't mind, sir?

Well, thanks a lot.

What are you, a musician?

No, attorney.

- Do you wanna know something?

- No, I don't.

I was gonna be married next month.

I was married last month.

It's that darn charter.

If I don't change it, I'll lose my job.

And if I lose my job, I'll lose my girl.

And if I lose my girl, I'm lost.

- Yeah, I've already lost mine.

- Your job?

No, my girl.

- She's in Victoria College.

- So is the charter.

- What charter?

- The charter I have to change.

The... Look...

Here's my girl. The girl...

- Now, here's my girl.

- I'm very happy to meet you.

And here's the charter.

And here's me.

Now, I have to change that

before I can get that.

Is that clear?

Oh, sure.

You're biting my girl.

Now, what's your trouble?

Well, sir, speaking in your language...

...that is me.

I need a haircut, don't I?

That is Victoria College.

And this is the gate man.

And this...

...is Caroline, the apple of me eye.

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