Bathing Beauty Page #2

Now, I have to get past this

to get into that...

...to get this.

What are you doing?

I'm putting the charter

back in the college.

What charter?

The charter that I've been trying

to change.

- Look, Victoria is a woman's college.

- Yeah, and they don't allow men.

No, but it says in the charter

they do allow men.

That's why they want me to change it.

What kind of a man would wanna go

to a woman's college?

None.

A man should go to a man's college.

And a woman should go

to a woman's college.

And a child should go

to a child's college.

That's right.

Charter?

Thank you, Professor Evans.

Your paper, "O'er Hill and Dale with Field

Glass and Camera" was most instructive.

- Splendid.

- Yes.

- Wonderful idea.

- Yes, it is splendid.

I'm terribly sorry to interrupt, Dean

Clinton, but there's a man in my office.

- Well?

- Well, he wants to register.

- Well, whom does he want to register?

- Himself.

It's probably some silly college boy

sent here on an initiation stunt.

Oh, he isn't a boy. He's a man,

with red hair, and he's very determined.

Why should a man wish

to become a student here?

He says he has a thirst for knowledge.

And he wants to quench it

in our swimming pool.

Caroline, will you take care of this matter

while we continue with the meeting?

But Dean Clinton, wouldn't you rather...

I mean, wouldn't you...

No, dear, no. You take charge of it.

Just act the way you say I act,

when I'm not around to hear you say it.

Miss Caroline, I can't figure out

how he ever got past me.

He must've climbed over the wall.

Shall I throw him out?

No, no, you wait out in the hall.

I'll call you if he gets violent.

Yes.

- Caroline.

- I'm Miss Brooks.

I understand you wish

to enroll in Victoria College, Mr...

Elliott. Steven Elliott.

The husband of the same name.

You're not gonna be anybody's husband

pretty soon, you Casanova, you.

- I've started annulment proceedings.

- Oh, no, Caroline.

You can't. I'm innocent, believe me.

I was standing there

getting married, and...

- Oh, Caroline, you've gotta trust me.

- Trust you?

How can I trust you?

You redheaded bluebeard, you.

Oh, I'm not a blueheaded redbeard...

I mean, a...

Evidently you're not aware of it,

but this is a girls' school.

Evidently you're not aware of it,

Miss Brooks...

...but this is a girls' school for boys.

It says so in the charter.

Page 10, Section Six.

Of course, if you were to drop

the annulment proceedings...

...I might be persuaded not to enter.

You wait right here,

you blackmailer, you.

He claims this is

a coeducational institution.

That men and women are permitted.

He says it's in the charter.

Of course he's wrong?

- Unfortunately, he's right.

- What?

I was under the impression

our charter had been altered.

Lawyers have been working

on the matter.

At the moment,

a man is legally entitled to enroll here.

- Why... I've never heard.

- There's just one thing to do.

Have the fellow investigated.

- Oh, I don't think we ought to do that.

- Why not?

Well, think of the publicity.

Caroline is right. Victoria is noted

for its cloistered atmosphere.

Our students come

from the finest families.

Publicity of this sort

would be embarrassing.

Yes, that's right.

He must be gotten rid of

quickly and quietly.

- Yes, but how?

- Oh, that's very simple.

Each new student

is on two weeks' probation.

If during that period she or he acquires

a sufficient number of demerits...

...out she or he goes.

- Good.

- Yes.

Yes, now, if we all cooperate,

he should be out of here in no time.

Good.

Well, Steve, you get your wish.

- You mean you'll cancel the annulment?

- No, I mean we accept your application.

All right. Bring on the enrollment blank,

pencil sharpener and my roommate.

Oh, may I carry that for you?

Hey, what am I?

A coal miner or a student?

Oh, now, this is charming.

What is it, the Victoria swap shop?

Unfortunately, all our best rooms

are occupied.

I hope you'll be

very uncomfortable here.

Now, here's your sche...

Here's your schedule of classes.

You'll find them quite heavy.

Gosh, what a romantic spot

for a honeymoon.

Here is your book of rules

and regulations.

You know, you have

the longest eyelashes.

You're expected

to follow those implicitly.

Your hair's kind of silky.

Did you ever try braiding it?

We especially stress neatness,

truthfulness and punctuality.

You know,

I dream about you every night.

Now we come to the subject

of discipline.

Each student is allowed 100 demerits

per semester.

You're lovelier than I remembered.

And we give them very freely,

especially to you.

One hundred and out you go.

Well, I can hardly wait.

Oh, really?

And 20 demerits for insubordination.

How many demerits

for kissing a teacher?

Enough to expel you, you wolf.

Caroline, Caroline, are you all right?

Open the door.

How dare you lock that door.

Well, why not?

You're my wife, aren't you?

Open this door

or I shall be forced to break it down.

Call him off. Call him off.

Call him off. Call him off.

- Did this oaf attempt to molest you?

- What do you mean, oaf? I happen...

Steven Elliott, the new student here.

Oh, it seems I was a trifle hasty.

Please accept my apology, old man.

You see, I'm inclined to be a trifle touchy

where Miss Brooks is concerned.

Oh, yeah?

Who do you happen to be, bub?

Why, this is Professor Evans,

your botany professor, Mr. Elliott.

He knows all there is to know

about Tropaeolium.

"Nasturtiums" to you.

Yeah? Nasturtiums to you too.

Caroline, we must allow Mr. Elliott

to clean his room, mustn't we?

Yes, we certainly must.

He ought to be ashamed of himself.

Oh, and by the way, I almost forgot.

Here is your freshman beanie.

You will be required to wear it

at all times.

And...

...you may find this useful. Good day.

Thank you.

Come on, now.

Hurry.

Hey, come on.

Oh, will you do it, Miss Smith?

- Come on, please?

- Please, come on. Come on.

Ladies, please.

What are you talking about?

Come on, Smitty,

nobody can do it like you can.

Come on, please. Please, Smitty.

Now, girls, you know the rules.

- Come on, kids.

- Let's get rid of this stuff.

- Open the top. Let's get started.

- All right.

But if the faculty finds out,

I'll have to leave Victoria.

Lucky you.

That was super, Miss Smith.

- Now let's really get hot.

- Yeah.

Let's go below the border

for some South American jive.

- Yeah.

- Wonderful.

Okay, kiddies.

I mean, very well, ladies.

But everyone will have to help.

Okay, Smitty, we're with you.

Oh, wonderful.

Girls, big news. Steve Elliott's here.

Steve Elliott?

You're kidding. The man who wrote

"Boogie Woogie Sugie"?

And "Beat Me Daddy,

With a Boogie Brush"?

And "Dig Me Sister,

With a Solid Spade"?

Well, what are we waiting for?

Let's go.

"I have lost my pen in the garden

of my aunt?"

Hello.

"I have lost my pen in the garden

of my aunt in the Casbah."

I thought you would like to know.

What makes you think

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes