Batman: The Killing Joke Page #5

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(ALL GROAN IN DISGUST)

It doesn't have to be good

to be a classic.

So, Commissioner, I need your help.

Is that why I'm here?

That's why you're here right now,

like right now, as in this moment.

Do me a favor and live in it, okay?

Anyway, me and my colleagues,

we couldn't come up with

one sound mind and body between us.

So, we're counting on yours.

What should be done with someone

who has no regard for the law?

ALL:
Yeah!

WOMAN:
He's right.

Someone who treats people like meat!

A man who has no problem

brutalizing his fellow man to get his way.

- Now, now.

- What would you do to a man

who breaks the laws

you are sworn to uphold?

A monster who ignores

everything you stand for!

Come on, is it that bad?

Yes, it is, and if it were up to me...

Right now, it is.

I'd throw the book at him.

ALL:
(CHANTING) Throw the book!

Throw the book!

Throw the book! Throw the book!

(CHANTING CONTINUES)

What are you waiting for?

Throw it! Throw it!

- (ALL CONTINUE CHANTING)

- JOKER:
Throw it! Throw it!

Throw the book!

Right on target.

Truth is, Commissioner,

the man on trial here,

you consider your friend.

WOMAN:
Nope, which is funny.

Funny?

Yeah, he usually comes

around here, right away.

Like before it's even on the news,

he broke out of the nuthouse again,

he's had a roll.

You'd think the most important

thing for him is to...

What?

- (GIGGLING)

- Have a good time.

So, why do you think

he hasn't been to visit?

I don't know.

Maybe, he found himself another girl.

Hey, somebody wants you.

(WHIMPERING)

Uh-uh-uh. No fair hiding.

(WHIMPERING)

Ugh. Well, I'd see why.

You don't look so good.

Well, I don't blame you, not when that

bowl of cherries some call life,

turned out to be the pits of hell.

(CHUCKLES)

Perhaps, a song might

bring a smile to your face.

(SINGING) When the world is full of care

And every headline screams despair

When all is rape,

starvation, war and life is vile

Then there's a certain thing I do

Which I shall pass along to you

That's always guaranteed to make me smile

Yes!

I go loony

As a light bulb-battered bug

Simply loony

Sometimes foam and chew the rug

Mister, life is swell in a padded cell

It'll chase those blues away

You can trade your gloom for a rubber room

And injections twice a day

Just go loony like an acid casualty

Or a Moonie or a preacher on TV

(LAUGHING)

When the human race wears an anxious face

When the bomb hangs overhead

When your kid turns blue

It won't worry you

You can smile and nod instead

When you're loony

Then you just don't give a fig

Man's so puny

And the universe so big

Barbara? No!

If you hurt inside, get certified

And if life should treat you bad

Barbara! Barbara!

Don't get even, get mad

Barbara!

Yes!

Ah, here they are now.

Holy Christ! That must be

the best ghost train in the business.

I mean, when they went in,

the fellow in the middle

didn't look a day over 17.

(LAUGHING) Well, that's what

a dose of reality will do to you.

It's why I never touch the stuff.

I find it waters down the hallucinations.

So, Commissioner, how's things?

Commissioner? Hello? Anybody home?

Oh. This wasn't supposed to

turn out boring.

Oh, put him away in his cage.

We're about to open for business.

Let's hope our main

attraction gets livelier.

Give him time to reflect upon life

and all its random uncontrollability.

THUG 1:
Hey, quit your

daydreaming, friend.

It's showtime.

I was just remembering.

I used to walk along here

to work each morning.

Ah, that's good, real good.

That's just what we need you to do.

THUG 2:
Just guide us through

this stinking factory

so we can get to the joint next door.

And stay far away from us

while we do the dirty work.

It's like we're practically giving you

money by cutting you in on this.

Right now?

Will I be able to breathe?

Not if you smoke.

(CHUCKLES) That's a good one.

Maybe, I should be looking into your line

of work instead of you looking into mine.

You got a funny shaped head.

Maybe I should've been a clown

instead of a comedian.

There. You can see, friend?

(ECHOES) Yeah, but everything's red,

stuffy too and it smells.

Ooh, my voice sounds echo-y.

THUG 2:
Then shut up and get to work.

RED HOOD:
Okay, we go through here

past the filter tanks

and then Monarch Playing Cards

is just beyond the partition.

You know this place looks

even worse in red.

- It looks like...

- GUARD:
Hey, you! Freeze!

Come on, come on, get 'em up!

Murph, get some men over to the rear bays.

We're being robbed by the Red Hood Mob.

You a**hole!

You said there was no security.

RED HOOD:
They must have altered things

since I left.

- (AIR HISSING)

- It's so loud.

For God's sake, run!

This is all screwed up, run!

Man, which way?

I can't see where I'm going.

You useless son of a b*tch.

(BOTH GROAN)

I'm not the guy you want.

It's him! He's our ringleader.

He's the Red Hood.

GUARD:
He's pulling a gun!

(GROANS)

No, no, no, no, no!

BATMAN:
Stop!

No more shooting.

I'll take care of this my way.

It's that human bat guy.

RED HOOD:
Dear God,

what did I do to deserve this?

BATMAN:
So, Red Hood,

we meet again.

Stay away from me,

don't come any closer, you monster!

Uh, uh... (SCREAMING)

(GROANING)

It burns!

I'm itching all over. What's...

(LAUGHING)

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

JOKER ON PA:
Ladies and gentlemen,

although there doesn't

seem to be either here.

How about children of all ages?

You must have received your free ticket.

Oh, I'm so glad.

(CAROUSEL MUSIC PLAYING)

(GRUNTING)

(MUSIC SLOWS AND STOPS)

(FLOOR CREAKING)

(GRUNTING)

(GROANS)

(COUGHING)

(GRUNTING)

(GROANS)

(GROWLS)

(GRUNTING)

(GROWLING AND BARKING)

Ladies and gentlemen,

children of all ages,

I give you the average man.

Impressive, eh?

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

Ooh! (CONTINUES LAUGHING)

(GROANS)

(LAUGHING)

Jim.

Jim, are you still...

Oh, God. Oh, God.

It's okay, let it come.

He showed me pictures of my daughter.

Have you seen her?

Yes, she's alive.

And?

The police are right behind me.

I'll stay with you, until...

No, I'll survive.

Go after him. I want him brought in.

And I want it done by the book.

By the book!

You have to!

We have to show him our way works.

JOKER:
Let me ask you something.

What does it matter if you send me back to

the asylum if it doesn't matter to me?

I've proved my point.

Gordon's been driven mad.

I've demonstrated there's no difference

between me and everyone else.

All it takes is one bad day.

That's how far the world

is from where I am,

just one bad day.

You had a bad day once, am I right?

Oh, I know I am.

I can tell.

You had a bad day and everything changed.

Dressing up like a flying rat

doesn't hide it, it screams it.

You had a bad day

and it drove you as crazy

as everybody else,

only you won't admit it.

- (GROANS)

- You have to keep pretending

that life makes sense,

that there's some point

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