Batman: The Movie Page #4

I'll curse myself forever.

This nasty soup we're in

is of my brewing.

If l hadn't let your beauty

lull me off guard....

Off guard, comrade?

There are some things

I cannot disclose.

But we're in the hands

of the most vicious foursome.

I fear we have nothing

to look forward to but death.

It may not be that black,

Comrade Wayne.

Batman and Robin are

probably hot on our trail.

From something

I happened to overhear...

...l think we are merely

bait for Batman.

Once he's in their trap,

we'll be released.

A slender hope, Miss Kitka.

More slender than you can know.

You do not think

Batman will get here?

That I cannot say.

Did you overhear any mention...

...of any other prisoner

of this rotten gang?

No, I did not.

Who on earth could you mean?

[BELL RINGS]

Commodore Schmidlapp

ringing for his tea.

Just a thought, it doesn't matter.

Speedy escape is our only hope.

A moment, while l think....

Why didn't l think of it sooner?

[BELL RINGS]

Of what?

Up my sleeve I have a radio

transmitter strapped above my elbow.

-What a curious device to carry.

-Not at all.

Capitalists who carry a lot of money

have safety contrivances.

If l can just get at it....

Wiggle around back-to-back.

Maybe you can reach it

with your fingers.

Da.

Let's get him.

There we are.

You think you're pretty clever,

don't you?

-Clever enough to outwit you.

-We'll see about that.

Dear colleagues, let's see

what's strapped above his left elbow.

Cretinous creatures!

I knew you'd been listening in!

I told you that fish story

about a radio....

Get him!

Miss Kitka! Where are you?

-Great day!

-Hello, commissioner.

Dick, we're late for

that demonstration. Excuse us.

But you can't dash off now.

How did you escape?

-With the aid of Batman.

-Thank goodness for the Caped Crusader.

Return to police headquarters.

He may wish to call you.

My fine finkish friends, you have

heard my astounding proposal.

What do you say?

What do you say?!

Our strike cannot be postponed.

We're at the mercy

of the Gotham River tide.

It's now or never

to get through the channel.

Batman will never come here now.

But the police will, any instant.

So, to the Penguin's princely plan.

Is it yes or no?

It's crazy, but let's try it.

We have to get Batman out of the way.

Oh, go ahead, Penguin.

Would you drop one of your dream pills

into Commodore Schmidlapp's tea?

-Presto!

-Then carry him to the submarine!

Mr. Riddler,

will you tell Mr. Quetch...

...to fetch the five guinea pigs?

-Fetch the guinea pigs.

-Yo-ho.

Yo-ho-ho, sir!

Now, my fine fishy finks...

...you see the commodore's

pice de "no-rsistance"...

...an instant whiskey maker.

Waiting for us to put it

to more universal use.

Don't be afraid.

You'll feel nothing.

I am merely going

to temporarily extract...

...every bit of moisture

from your bodies!

It's a painless operation.

-Delightful!

-Dehydrated!

Catwoman, will you get a dustpan...

...and put every one of them

very carefully into separate vials?

Mr. Riddler, would you prepare

the submarine to get underway...

...while l prepare a terrifying

demolition charge for the police?

-Where do we meet?

-United World building.

Gotham River.

39th floor. The elevator.

-One hour?

-One hour.

What criminal genius, Catwoman!

Who but a genius could conceive

such an audacious plot?

To trick Batman and Robin into

inviting me to their Batcave...

...with five dehydrated

death-dealing pirates at my command.

Careful, careful.

Every one of them has a mother.

Out, Batarang and Batrope.

Stand clear.

With people in weird outfits

like the supercrooks around here...

...it's amazing no one reports

this place to the police!

It's a low neighborhood,

full of rum pots.

They attribute curious sights

to alcoholic delusions.

Gosh, drink is sure a filthy thing.

I'd rather be dead than unable

to trust my own eyes.

Yes, honey. There was someone

walking up the wall.

Ready with super-blinding Batpellets.

-Away, Robin. Away!

-But--

Come on, Batman.

Batman!

Miss Kitka!

[BAND PLAYS]

Quick, everyone!

Flee for your lives! lnto the street!

Some days you just can't

get rid of a bomb.

[BOMB EXPLODES]

Batman.

Batman!

-lt's all right.

-Holy heart failure!

I was able to dispose

of that bomb just in time...

...and shield myself

behind these heavy iron pipes.

You risked your life to save

that riffraff in the bar?

They may be drinkers,

but they're also human beings...

...and may be salvaged.

I had to do it!

But we lost the trail of that angelic

Miss Kitka. Stranded without a clue!

Ahoy there! Could you chaps

direct me to a policeman?

Commodore Schmidlapp's the name.

Big Ben Distilleries, you know.

-Holy costume party. The Penguin!

-Obviously.

What's his game?

-What's your game, Penguin?

-Penguin?

No, my name's Schmidlapp,

old boy, Schmidlapp.

Your fingerprints will

settle that hash.

We'll check them against our mobile

anti-crime file in our Batmobile.

Let's see your hands.

Looks like plastic-coated fingertips!

Yes, l scorched myself

pressing a waistcoat.

I do believe the attending

surgeon did use plastic, yes.

It looks bad.

This brassy bird has us buffaloed.

Not quite.

There's one method of identification

no one can evade.

Retinal eye patterns?

He's right. The pattern

of blood vessels...

...in the retina,

as individual as a fingerprint.

Don't you have an anti-criminal,

eye-pattern master file...

...in your Batcave?

Why don't you take me there?

-You'll submit yourself to a test?

-lt might be an amusing experience.

Stand by to catch him, Robin.

I'll give him the Batgas.

What? Batgas?

An anesthetic, necessary

to prevent you from seeing...

...the entrance to the Batcave.

If anyone knew that, they could

pierce the secret of our identities.

Ready, commodore?

Oh, l say, what deucedly strange

customs you colonials have!

Well, l'm ready.

To the Batmobile.

This could be our break.

-Why did he let us take him?

-We'll soon know.

-l've got the eye checker.

-Stay on alert.

After l give him the Batwake,

we must be ready for anything.

Oh, it's you.

We're here, eh? l see.

Oh, what's this? Oh, say!

This is extraordinary!

It's absolutely extraordinary!

I must say, your laboratory

exceeds the limits...

...of man's wildest imagination.

Could l trouble you

for a glass of water?

Your Batgas has left me

with a parched sensation.

The water dispenser is clearly marked.

All right, thank you.

Thank you, sir.

Help yourself, commodore.

Slake your thirst.

You'll have worse than a parched

sensation when we're through.

Perhaps, perhaps. But l am

appalled by your attitude, sir.

Condemning me before the facts have

been authoritatively established!

You are abrogating

my constitutional rights, sir.

ROBlN:

All set.

Come on, Penguin.

Time to rip off your false feathers.

Coming, Batman.

I'm coming at once.

ROBlN:

Holy hallucination!

I wish it were, but it's five

dehydrated pirates, rehydrated!

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