Batman: The Movie Page #3

You're mad.

The minute Batman spots her...

...he'll bop her with a Batarang.

You don't understand.

She will be disguised as Kitka.

And as Kitka, she shall lure

some millionaire into a kidnap trap.

Of course!

With a clever clue pointing here.

-Batman will race to the rescue.

-Capital!

But who are we going to kidnap?

I know the perfect victim.

I know the perfect victim! l know!

Bruce Wayne, the millionaire head...

...of that disgusting do-gooding

Wayne Foundation.

Delicious! Just the sort of square

citizen Batman will dash to rescue.

-Then snap!

-lnto the combination trap.

Perfect, Riddler, perfect.

Comrade Wayne? My name is Kitanya

Irenya Tatanya Karenska Alisoff.

I'm from The Moscow Bugle.

My friends call me Kitka.

Kitka. Kitka, a charming acronym.

Thank you, Comrade Wayne.

The Wayne Foundation is known

from Leningrad to Kamchatka.

It works for peace and understanding.

Your picture has appeared

countless times in The Moscow Bugle.

I'm most grateful,

I wasn't aware of that.

Oh, da, da.

You found these riddles on Wayne

Foundation stationery under your door?

Yes, Comrade Wayne.

That's why I brought them to you.

I thought it was some foolishness,

then l remembered:

Is there not

a bourgeois criminal cad...

...the Riddler,

who preys upon the workers?

Your jargon is quaint, Miss Kitka.

But there is such a creature.

What do we do now? Report

these riddles to your police...

...or perhaps

to that Cossack Batman?

That's hardly necessary at the moment.

Doubtless it's the work

of some harmless crank.

Nevertheless, shall we give

this matter further consideration...

...over dinner tonight?

What a perfectly lovely idea.

I'll telephone to cancel

a previous engagement.

Alfred will see you to the door.

Do vechera.

Do vechera, Comrade Wayne.

Alfred, see Miss Kitka out, please.

Meet me in the Batcave. Emergency.

Very good, sir.

Listen to these riddles.

Tell me if you interpret them as l do.

-"What has yellow skin and writes?"

-A ballpoint banana.

Right. "What people are

always in a hurry?"

Rushing people? Russians!

Right again.

What would you say they mean?

Banana, Russian....

A Russian will slip on a banana peel

and break their neck!

Precisely, the only possible meaning.

-A clear threat to Miss Kitka's life.

-Who?

Miss Kitka, the charming Russian

journalist for The Moscow Bugle.

In some way she must have unwittingly

stumbled on the criminals' plot!

What is the scheme?

Tonight Bruce Wayne will go out

on the town with Miss Kitka.

-A not displeasing chore.

-lndeed.

I've rarely met a girl...

...who's a potent argument

in favor of international relations.

You will dog our footsteps

in the Batmobile.

You'll keep watch via the Batscanner.

-lf the Riddler tries to make good--

-l'll bash him brutally.

-Then we close in with the police.

-Yes.

-Got your driver's license?

-ln my wallet.

Good man. Drive carefully. Good luck!

This may be a memorable night.

[SINGS IN FRENCH]

This curtain which separates

our countries is so foolish.

If we could just contrive...

...some way of getting more

deeply involved with each other.

Da, we must search for such a method.

[WHlSPERS]

It's wrong to listen to this.

Some things have to be private,

even for a crime fighter.

Your discretion is admirable,

Master Robin, yes.

-Time for another check-in.

-Roger.

[BEEPlNG]

-Commissioner.

-Yes?

-Yes, Boy Wonder.

-Batmobile position:

Gotham Park,

proceeding south on West Drive.

About to pass

Benedict Arnold monument.

Still in the park? lt's been

almost an hour. What are they doing?

No comment, commissioner. Let's just

say, no sign of criminal activity.

Yes, l understand.

I've just thought of a clever ruse.

Have Chief O'Hara

flash the Batsignal.

If you say so, but why?

The crooks will think

we're racing to headquarters.

Thinking we're out of the way,

they might strike at Miss Kitka!

Devilishly clever!

-Thank you. Batmobile over and out.

-Right.

-Chief O'Hara, flash the Batsignal.

-Yes, sir.

Shades of Smolensk, what is that?

BRUCE:

Incredible, I don't--

-Of course! How clever.

-Clever, Comrade Wayne?

I mean, clever device, Miss Kitka.

It's the Batsignal,

from the roof of police headquarters.

Batman must be racing

there in response.

Then you did get the police

to call them in for my protection.

Yes, yes.

How perfectly wonderful of you!

I close my eyes and l dream

of those savage Cossacks...

...racing over the steps

on their mission.

How strange.

I close my eyes,

and l dream of something...

...quite astonishingly different.

Da, da.

Keep your eyes closed.

Continue with this dream.

The dream continues.

[BEEPlNG IN MORSE CODE]

-lt approaches a climax.

-Nyet.

Not so fast. Be more slow.

Miss Kitka?

May I see you home

to that penthouse apartment?

-He swallowed the Catbait!

-And now to make him Batbait.

Finks, Morgan, Bluebeard, Quetch,

the jetpack umbrellas!

Yo-ho-ho, sir!

I'll slip into something

more comfortable...

...while your cocoa is warming.

Is that prudent?

Our instructions were to keep watch.

I don't know about prudent.

But it's the only decent thing to do.

Perhaps. Yes, yes.

There it is, 73rd Street

and Concord Avenue.

Follow me down to the terrace.

And all my days are trances

And all my nightly dreams

Are where thy dark eye glances

And where thy footstep gleams

[SPEAKS IN RUSSlAN]

Edgar Allan Poe, Miss Kitka.

"To One in Paradise," first stanza.

About that dream you had....

-Do we dare?

-Why not?

Yes, of course. Why not?

Of what use is a dream if not

a blueprint for courageous action?

Into action, comrade.

Miss Kitka,

I have the strangest feeling...

...that l am about to be utterly

and madly carried away.

[CRASHlNG]

-This is a kidnapping!

-Our joke's on you!

You filthy criminals!

[HlSSES]

-Much as one deplores indiscretion--

-Right.

I'll just take one tiny, tiny peek.

-Holy demolition!

-Bless my dustpan!

Cover the exits.

I'll race up with my Batrope!

Holy Halloween!

[HOWLS]

Strange, Batman should've

been here hours ago.

Maybe you didn't leave

a clear enough clue.

I did! l can't understand why

Batman hasn't dashed into our trap.

He puts his foot here,

my secret jack-in-the-box fires...

...shooting him over the sea...

...into the waiting arms

of Penguin's exploding octopus.

What a deliciously

humorous trajectory!

And nothing

to link us with the crime.

You abominable outlaws!

What have you done with Miss Kitka?

She's quite well, Mr. Wayne.

I swear by heaven,

if you've harmed that girl...

...l'll kill you all.

I'll rend you limb from limb!

Mr. Wayne, must you be so impulsive?

Where is she?

Show me Miss Kitka...

...or l'll wreck this place

with my dying breath!

Blindfold the captive.

Lead him down the labyrinthine path

to chamber 1 7.

Two minutes, no more.

-Turn on the secret microphone.

-Quiet, quiet!

-Miss Kitka.

-Comrade Wayne.

-Are you all right?

-Da, da.

Rate this script:4.0 / 1 vote