Batman and Harley Quinn

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- (GUNS FIRING)

- (MAN SCREAMS)

GUARD:
Look out!

- (WOODRUE ROARS)

- (SCREAMS)

(YELLS)

(GRUNTS)

(WHIMPERING)

(GUNSHOTS CONTINUE)

(EXCLAIMING)

- (GRUNTS)

"Hey! TrYmQ to work here!

Perhaps you could work a little faster.

Perhaps if you hadn't tripped

the damn alarm.

(GROANS)

Pamela, we are out of time!

The police will be here soon.

Or worse...

Batman. I know, I know!

But it's like trying to find

a needle in a... Haystack.

- Come on, come on.

- (COMPUTER BEEPING)

(MAN SCREAMING)

Bingo.

(OPENING MUSIC PLAYING)

(SIRENS WAILING)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER

ON POLICE RADIO)

WOMAN". Nothing was physically stolen.

Obviously.

There was no effort

to minimize collateral.

This was about information.

There's no way Poison Ivy could've

accessed S.T.A.R. Labs secure data.

- They're...

- Got it.

Here's the file they copied.

Looks like this is the only thing

they cared about.

Oh, no.

"Holland."

Holland...

Why does that sound so familiar?

Be my guest.

BATMAN:
Alec Holland was working on

a bio-restorative formula

to turn deserts into forests.

Until a saboteur's bomb

destroyed that dream.

His body engulfed in the burning

experimental compound,

Holland tried to douse the flames.

The chemicals reacted

with the surrounding bayou.

His entire physiognomy changed.

- Holland was transformed into...

- Swamp Thing.

That's it! That's what attacked me!

Not quite.

BATMAN:
This is Jason Woodrue,

AKA the Floronic Man.

Terrific.

Poison Ivy teaming up with Jason Woodrue.

We're in for a ride.

I see two immediate objectives.

If you'll excuse us.

A, figure out what Ivy

and Woodrue are up to.

And B, find out where the Green is hiding out.

I'll take A.

I have a hunch I need to look into.

You take B.

Check previous addresses,

known associates...

Oh, crap.

Right.

We need Harley Quinn.

Last I heard, Harley went off the grid

after she got out on parole.

No one's heard a thing since.

Rumor is she's gone "straight,"

but also just plain gone.

No one disappears without a trace.

Someone knows something.

Someone always does.

It's just a matter of shaking

the right tree.

Hey, thanks again for helping us out

with that League of Assassins thing

in Nanda Parbat.

Oof! That Lady Shiva...

Wouldn't say no to a slice of that pie,

know what I mean?

So, what can I do for you, Batman?

Lot going on today,

but I can spare a few minutes.

A man was abducted from his home

two days ago.

- Harold Goldblum.

- (MUG SHATTERS)

Stupid hand.

Henderson!

How do you even know about that?

We've got a total media lockdown.

Let's just say I've got eyes

and ears everywhere, Sarge.

Hacking the A.R.G.U.S. computer

is a federal crime, Batman.

Goldblum is a former professor

of chemistry at Metropolis University.

Spent 15 years heading up

GothCorp Chemical's R&D division.

Most recently, he's been working

for the NSA,

specializing in biological warfare.

He was their top mind

in biology, botany and toxicology.

I need to know what he was working on.

That'll be all, Henderson.

Right, Sarge.

Big fan.

I'm sorry, Batman, that's classified.

My hands are tied.

Strange that you would put it

just that way.

Why?

A fringe hacker group recently

accessed information

about key A.R.G.U.S. employees.

Some of them seemed to be engaged in,

shall we say,

questionable nocturnal activities.

Are you blackmailing me?

I'm explaining that I can help stop

a crime in exchange for some information.

Fine.

But for the record, what Mistress Ilsa

does for me is considered therapy.

In some countries.

It's an odd case. No ransom demands,

political requests, nothing.

He just vanished.

Whoever took the guy,

they either killed him,

or they're keeping him alive

for reason or reasons unknown.

- Any leads?

- Nothing viable.

The investigation is at a dead end.

Goldblum's field of expertise

is man-made pandemic terrorist attacks.

Anthrax, Ebola, flesh-eating bacteria...

You know.

Yes, I do.

In fact, he's the world's leading

expert on the subject.

Jesus, the stuff that guy knows.

I don't mean to be callous,

but part of me hopes they just killed him.

- No, sorry.

- Uh-uh.

Nah, man.

- Mmm, no.

- Haven't seen her.

Would've liked t0. (LAUGHS)

Dame owes me three weeks back rent!

If you find her,

you tell her she can eat my...

She had the cutest smile.

Morty! That was your niece, Irene!

Always saying she looks like

this Harley Quinn,

but I don't see it.

And an adorable tuckus!

Mot?!'-!

Hasn't been around.

Afraid not, my son.

- Lo siento.

- Can I have that picture?

It was at that deli on Third Street.

Morty! That was two years ago!

In Miami!

I could go for a Reuben myself about now.

With extra kraut.

Hang on...

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

Okay, we got one Power Girl jumbo combo,

one Black Canary leg-and-thigh

with coleslaw...

Gonna lose that hand, puddin'.

(EXCLAIMS)

(GRUNTS AND GROANS)

Anything else for you today, boys?

- Uh, no.

- I'm good.

- Yeah, me too.

- (MAN GROANING)

Totally good.

Crazy broad broke my freakin' arm.

Hey, Chick, this crazy broad

broke my freakin' arm!

Gotta be her.

(YAWNS)

Come on out, I know you're there.

I got good ears.

Your hearing gets mighty sharp in Arkham.

Things go bump in the night.

Hi, Harley. Long time no see.

I'd like to keep it that way.

You're a hard girl to find.

Pretty clever,

hiding in plain sight like that.

I have a few questions.

For example, where can I find

your BFF Poison Ivy?

We need your help.

- Ivy is...

- Save it, honey.

I don't mix it up

with the costume crowd anymore.

I've turned over a new leaf, as it were.

Listen, lvy's fallen in

with the wrong crowd.

She and Jason Woodrue are up to something.

And we have to stop them.

They're a lethal combo, Harley.

Lots of people could get hurt or killed.

Ivy could get hurt or killed.

Nuh-uh. I'm done

with capes and tights and masks.

Just trying like hell

to lead a normal life.

Really? Funny that you're not, say,

using your psychiatric training

to make a decent living.

Instead of dressing up

in skimpy red and black

for minimum wage plus tips...

Pretty weird way to kick a habit.

You've got to be

just itching to get back in the game.

Nice try,

but you're on your own, Nightwig.

You haven't reported

to your parole officer in months.

I should just drag your crazy ass

back to jail right now.

Oh. yeah?

- (GRUNTS)

- Just freakin' try it, buttwipe!

(GRUNTING)

- (YELLING)

- (CLANGS)

- (YELLING)

- (GRUNTS)

(CLANGS)

Sorry, kiddo,

but you're getting the payback

for every pinch, goose, and butt slap

I've gotten for the last three months.

(GRUNTING)

(GRUNTS AND GROANS)

(GROANING)

Give up?

Just when things are getting interesting?

Fat chance!

- (EXCLAIMS)

- (GRUNTS)

Huh? (GRUNTS ANGRILY)

(GROANING)

(EXCLAIMS) Whiff.

(YELPS)

Ready to call it a night, Harley?

(SNORTS)

(LAUGHING)

What's so funny, Chuckles?

(LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY)

Some girls like mace.

I prefer a little low-grade Joker venom.

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