Batman Returns

- Merry Christmas.

- Merry Christmas.

Penguin sighting! Man or myth?

What is he? Today's edition.

Another penguin sighting.

Another penguin sighting! Check it out!

Penguin man living in Gotham's sewers!

Read all about the latest sighting!

May I have your attention, Gotham City?

It is time for tonight's lighting of the tree.

How about that?

Part man, part penguin! All horrifying!

Find out for only 50 cents! Come on!

Read about the possible terror

beneath our feet! Check it out!

Read about it!

Missing link between man and bird.

My dear boy...

...sometimes it's a diversion

to read such rubbish.

Usually, it's a waste of time.

Whatever. Today's issue!

"The Penguin:
Man or myth?"

The Globe! Right here! 25 cents!

Well, here's hoping.

With luck, Gotham will have its first

merry Christmas in years.

I feel almost vulgar at Yuletide...

...mentioning the new power plant.

But if we're to break ground

when we must, I'll need permits...

...variances, tax incentives.

That sort of pesky nonsense.

Power plant?

Studies show we've enough power to get

us into the middle of the next century.

Your analysts foresee growth

at 1% per annum. That's a mild swelling.

Imagine...

...a Gotham City...

...of the future, lit up like a blanket

of stars...

...but blinking on and off...

...embarrassingly low on juice.

Frankly...

...I cringe, Mr. Mayor.

Sorry, any plans must go

to the usual committees...

...through the usual channels.

I have a suggestion.

Well...

...actually, really, just more like a question.

I'm afraid we haven't

properly housebroken Ms. Kyle.

In the plus column, though...

...she makes great coffee.

Dad.

Mr. Mayor. Time to go down

and bring joy to the masses.

"Actually, more of a question."

You stupid corn dog.

Corn dog, corn dog.

I have enough signatures

from Shreck employees to warrant a recall.

That's not a threat, just simple numbers.

Maybe. But you sure as hell

don't have an issue or a candidate.

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.

From those of us at City Hall

to each and every one of you...

...happy holidays.

We have with us a man who needs

no introduction, he's given us so much.

Please welcome Gotham's

own Santa Claus, Max Shreck.

Pick up those contracts for Personnel and...

...pick up the dry cleaning

and paper towels...

Darn!

I forgot my speech.

Remind me to take it out

on what's-her-name.

Santa Claus?

Afraid not.

I'm just a poor schmo. Got lucky.

Sue me...

...if I want to give some back.

I only wish I could hand out more

than just...

...expensive baubles.

I wish I could hand out world peace...

...and unconditional love...

...wrapped in a big bow.

Oh, but you can.

Oh, but you will.

Merry Christmas.

Great idea.

Not mine.

What are you waiting for? The signal!

We want the big guy!

The guy who runs the show!

What do you want?

Not you!

Shreck!

You'll have to go through me.

Dad, go! Save yourself!

Dad, go!

Shut up!

Take one step closer, Mr. Manbat, and I'll...

You missed.

The Batman.

Or is it just "Batman"?

Your choice, of course.

Well, that was...

...very brief.

Just like all the men in my life.

What men?

Well...

...then again, there's you.

But you need therapy.

Thanks for saving the day, Batman.

The Circus Gang is back.

We'll see.

They almost made off with our mover

and shaker, Max Shreck.

Where is that insufferable son of a b*tch?

I believe the word you're looking for is...

Actually, this is all just a bad dream.

You're at home in bed...

...heavily sedated, resting comfortably...

...dying from the carcinogens

you've personally spewed...

...in a lifetime of profiteering.

Tragic irony...

...or poetic justice?

You tell me.

My God, it's true.

Penguin Man of the sewer.

Odd as it may seem, Max...

...you and I have something in common:

We're both perceived as monsters.

But somehow...

...you're a well-respected monster...

...and I am, to date...

...not!

Frankly, I feel that's a bum rap.

I'm a businessman.

Tough, yes.

Shrewd, okay. But that does not

make me a monster.

Don't embarrass yourself, Max!

I know all about you.

What you hide, I discover.

What you put in your toilet...

...I place on my mantle. Get the picture?

Is that supposed to hypnotize me?

No, just give you a splitting headache.

It's not working.

Oh, you big baby!

Just blanks.

Would I go through all this trouble

just to kill you?

No, Max.

I have an entirely other purpose.

I'm ready, Max.

I've been down here too long.

It's time for me to ascend...

...to re-emerge...

...with your help...

...your know-how...

...your savvy.

I wasn't born in the sewer, you know.

I come from...

...like you.

And, like you, I want some respect!

A recognition of my basic humanity.

But most of all...

...I want to find out who I am...

...by finding my parents...

...learning my human name.

Simple stuff that the good people

of Gotham take for granted!

And...

...exactly why am I going to help you?

Well...

Let's start.

Let's see what we have in here.

A batch of toxic waste...

...from your clean textile plant!

There's a whole lagoon of this crud

in the back!

It could have come from anywhere.

What about the documents that prove you

own half of the firetraps in Gotham City?

If there were such documents...

...that's not an admission...

...they would've been shredded.

Good idea.

A lot of tape and a little patience

make all the difference.

By the way...

...how's Fred Atkins, your old partner?

Fred?

Fred's actually...

I believe he's on an extended vacation.

He's good.

Good.

Hiya, Max. Remember me?

I'm Fred's hand!

Want to greet any other body parts?

Remember, Max...

...you flush it, I flaunt it.

You know what, Mr. Penguin, sir?

I think, perhaps...

...I could help orchestrate

a "Welcome Home" scenario for you.

Once we're both back home,

perhaps we could help each other.

You won't regret this, Mr. Shreck.

Honey, I'm home!

Oh, I forgot. I'm not married.

Miss Kitty.

Back from more sexual escapades

you refuse to share?

Not that I'd ever pry.

Drink your dinner.

What?

How can anyone be so pathetic?

Yes, to you I seem pathetic,

but I'm a working girl.

Must pay the rent. Maybe if you

chipped in instead of stepping out.

Selina, dear, it's your mother.

Just calling to say hello.

Yeah, but...

But I'm disappointed you're not

coming home for Christmas.

I want to discuss why you insist

on languishing in Gotham City...

...as some lowly secretary.

Lowly assistant.

Selina, about that Christmas getaway

we planned...

I'll be going alone. Dr. Shaw says I need

to be my own person, not an appendage.

Some appendage!

The party never stops

on Selina Kyle's answering machine.

I should've let him win

that last racquetball game.

Hello...

...Selina Kyle.

We're calling to tell you about exciting,

new Gotham Lady perfume.

It makes women feel like women...

and the men have no complaints either.

This is yourself reminding you to come

all the way back to the office...

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