Batman vs. Two-Face

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REPORTER:
(ON RADIO)

Hello, citizens of Gotham.

This is Desmond Dumas

with breaking news.

Representatives from

Gotham PD and City Hall

are converging on the

State Penitentiary.

There in a top secret prison laboratory,

a revolutionary experiment

will be conducted.

The proceedings will begin as soon

as Gotham's leading crime crushers,

Batman and Robin,

the Boy Wonder, arrive.

Delayed no doubt protecting the

streets of our lovely city.

It's been a while since our last date,

Batman. I thought you'd forsaken me.

Crime fighting leaves little time

for affairs of the heart, Catwoman.

But you're never far

from my thoughts.

Those are the nicest words

I've heard in a long time.

Speaking of words,

I brought my handy copy of

the complete Elizabeth Barrett Browning.

After all, poetry opens both

the mind and the heart.

I'm more interested in you

opening these bars.

And open, they will.

After only 37 more reformative months,

you'll have paid your debt to society

and be a free woman once again.

Holy Romeo and Juliet!

How much longer is he going to be?

Do you know the perfect way

to cap this wonderful night?

Tell me, Catwoman.

ROBIN:
(ON MEGAPHONE)

Batman, attention. Batman!

We're gonna be late!

I'm sorry, Catwoman,

but duty calls.

(DEVICES BEEPING)

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

Please excuse our

tardiness, gentlemen.

I'm certain it was

for a good reason.

A very special criminal

rehabilitation project.

You already know

District Attorney...

Harvey Dent.

A pleasure to share a room

with Gotham's greatest

defender of justice.

Your perfect record for

convictions precedes you.

Couldn't do it if you didn't catch them

first, Batman. We make a pretty good team,

if I do say so myself.

Like Batman and Robin.

Isn't it past your bedtime?

And this is the inventor whose machine

we will be testing. Hugo Strange.

At your service. An honor to meet

the fabled Batman in the flesh.

You see, in a criminal,

the psyche's battle between

good and evil is often one-sided

but what if there was a way

to remove the evil?

No more criminal.

Intriguing. However,

there are no easy fixes

on the road to the

straight and narrow.

Gosh, yes. But a machine that extracts

the evil out of super criminals

would make our jobs a lot easier.

Correction. The Evil Extractor

will make your jobs obsolete.

Let's not be hasty, Strange. You've got to

prove this contraption works, first.

If it does, Batman and Robin

won't be the only ones out of a job.

McCarthy, bring in the prisoners.

My good luck charm, Batman.

A memento from the Cohen counterfeit case.

The first crook

I ever put behind bars.

And here I thought only criminals

were a superstitious lot.

(MACHINE WHIRRING)

Just a wash and set

for me today, thanks.

(LAUGHING)

Release me from this infernal

unconstitutional device! (SQUAWKS)

HUGO:
The Evil Extractor will

siphon the reservoirs of evil

deep in the criminals' warped brains.

Then, deposit it into the vat.

Scintillating.

Can we get on with this?

I have dinner plans with our

mutual friend, Bruce Wayne.

And millionaires don't like

to be kept waiting.

Dr. Quinzel, instigate

the extractor protocol.

DR. QUINZEL:
Ready-o, Doc,

decompressing the cerebral defibrillator.

(MACHINE POWERING UP)

(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)

Adjust the hemostatic stabilizers!

Gosh, Batman,

I have a bad feeling about this.

That's why we're here, old chum.

Stay vigilant.

Behold, the awesome power

of my Evil Extractor!

(MACHINE THUMPING)

(LAUGHING) It tickles.

(ELECTRICITY CONTINUES CRACKLING)

All right, boys, pour it on.

(CRIMINALS LAUGHING)

(MACHINE POWERING UP)

(GASPS) They're trying to overwhelm

the machine with their evil.

Shut it down. Shut it down!

(MACHINE POWERS DOWN)

(ALARM BLARING)

(CRIMINALS CONTINUE LAUGHING)

(GLASS CRACKING)

Harvey, look out!

(HARVEY SCREAMING)

(BOTH GRUNT)

Great Scott!

Jeez, that looks like it smarts.

Strange, you quack.

I'll have you fired for this!

(LAUGHING)

Harvey?

Wrong, Batman, I'm not Harvey.

I am evil incarnate. I am...

Two-Face!

(ALL GASP)

(ALARM RINGING)

(ENGINES REVVING)

(GUNFIRE)

(MACHINE BEEPING)

Mr. Dent, I hope you'll find

my work impeccable.

HARVEY:
It's not like you to be

speechless, Bruce. What's the verdict?

See for yourself, Harv.

I am whole again. There's no longer a

stranger in the mirror looking back at me.

(SIGHS)

How can I ever thank you

for your unwavering support?

It was the least I could do

for one of my closest friends.

They've agreed to let you

return to City Hall as assistant

to the Assistant District Attorney.

"Assistant to the

Assistant District Attorney"?

You bet, Commissioner. I'll do everything

in my power to earn Gotham's trust again.

From now on, Harvey Dent is

back on the side of angels

and in charge of his own fate.

(GROANS)

That's right, peasant. Bow before

your pharaoh for he has returned.

MAN:
We're stealing a plane, boss?

What gives?

Fool! Had I possessed such

a flying chariot when I first ruled,

we'd all be speaking Egyptian today.

What's the matter with normal English?

Ugh. Never mind.

(ENGINE STARTS)

Up, up, and away, my Tutlings!

It's the only way to fly.

(LAUGHING)

Saints preserve us, Commissioner.

King Tut is back to his old tricks.

Afraid so, Chief O'Hara. I need to know

if Gotham PD is up for the job.

Assured, we are, Commissioner.

We'll work this case from the ground up.

Lean on every lowlife

in every juke-joint in town.

Uncover every bit of forensic data.

And if the crooks won't talk,

we'll make 'em.

I have no doubt

you'll make this city proud, Chief.

Oh, Commissioner,

who are we kidding?

I know. We're woefully

out of our depth on this one.

There's only one man

who can handle this.

I'll head up to the roof

and activate the Bat-signal.

Oh, Caped Crusader. If ever

Gotham City needed you, it's now.

Oh, Alfred, isn't this exciting?

Rubbing elbows with

Gotham's upper crust?

Indeed, madam. Very generous of Masters

Bruce and Dick to send us in their place.

The annual millionaires' soiree ending

in a midnight tour of Gotham City.

Lucky for us, you boys have

another one of your fishing trips.

Really, madam.

Come, Alfred, we mustn't be late.

DICK:
Bruce, look!

It's the Bat-signal.

Time for Batman and Robin

to suit up, old chum.

Right behind you, Bruce.

(ENGINE STARTS)

(BEEPING)

(TURBINES POWERING UP)

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(TIRES SCREECHING)

Do you think they'll show, Commissioner?

They've never failed to

answer our call yet.

BATMAN:
And we don't

plan on starting now.

- GORDON:
The Dynamic Duo!

- CHIEF O'HARA:
The Dynamic Duo!

Thank goodness you've come, Batman.

It's that megalomaniacal

miscreant from Mesopotamia.

King Tut.

Him again.

This time he's stolen

an irreplaceable biplane.

He's a man to be pitied.

The struggles he must

face as a man divided.

But justice is a firm

but fair mistress.

And come to justice he will.

Gosh, Batman,

I still don't understand

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