Battleground Page #4

- How's that?

- I said what's a Texas leaguer?

- It's some kind of baseball term.

- What kind?

- A safe hit just over the infielder's head...

Nobody asked you.

How'd the Dodgers make out?

- Who's your commanding officer?

- He knows how the Dodgers made out.

- Let's see your dog tags.

- What?

We're not taking any chances.

What is this?

What kind of nonsense...

Drop those rifles.

- Who's Betty Grable going with?

- Cesar Romero.

- Quiet. Who's the Dragon Lady?

- She's in Terry and the Pirates.

- What's a hotrod?

- A hopped-up jalopy.

- Joe, what do you know?

- Just got back from a vaudeville show.

- I guess they're okay.

- Thank you, Sergeant.

PFC, Major. Praying For Civilian.

That's why I believe in being careful.

May I suggest, sir,

that you study up on baseball?

I guess I'd better.

By the way, you might tell your buddy

that Cesar Romero is out.

She's married to Harry James.

Let's go.

They really should have sent out

a bigger patrol.

- Lf you want to goof off...

- Who said anything about goofing off?

Nobody.

I'm just saying

the best way is to tell them...

you heard voices talking in German.

Let's say we heard voices talking

in Japanese and let G-2 figure that out.

That paper any good?

Best in the world. Sedalia News.

Keep your gloves off for two minutes and

you'd have Popsicles instead of fingers.

Get a load of this.

"Our Changing Times,

by Mrs. Donald Jarvess...

"pinch-hitting for your favorite columnist

and her favorite husband...

"now on active duty, US Army."

You knew I worked on a newspaper.

Yeah, but a column?

You must be pretty good.

I was too good. I wrote a piece

about the real meaning of the war...

the fight against Fascism, why every

American had to get in there and pitch in.

The logic was magnificent.

You couldn't resist it.

The next thing I knew,

I was in a troop train...

waving bye-bye to my wife.

- Came the dawn?

- Yeah.

Only one thing gets me.

When you work on a newspaper...

I'd get those wire releases...

and know that I was the first person

in town who had the news. All the news.

I'll guarantee you, my wife knows

what's going on in Bastogne.

All I know is

what's happening to the second squad...

in the third platoon of I Company.

Watch this one.

Strike!

Can't hit them if you can't see them.

Now the count's three and two.

Man on first and third.

Two out. This is the one that counts.

Foul ball. Come on, let's have a fast one.

Burn it in, boy. Come on.

A hit right over second base.

There, the center fielder

made a shoestring catch. You're out.

- How about it, ump?

- Sound off, pal. Password?

Don't you get it? Right over second base.

- Texas.

- Leaguer.

- You in charge?

- No, the lieutenant.

Hiya, fellows.

What's the situation, Lieutenant?

Nothing but pine trees in these woods.

We've been through them.

- I guess our mission's accomplished.

- Courtesy of K Company.

You can tell them to stop worrying

about this area.

Them and us both, Lieutenant. Thanks.

- I guess we might as well partie.

- So long.

- So long.

- So long, fellows.

Come on, on the double. They're Krauts.

Come on!

Kraut tanks!

No. Take off, will you?

If they think we're all getting away,

maybe I've got a chance.

- Go on.

- We'll send a patrol back.

- Don't forget the sulfa powder.

- Go on, get in there.

Let's go.

- You're sure they were enemy tanks?

- We saw them, Lieutenant.

Think we've got enough

antitank grenades to do any good?

We ain't got any.

Mind if I make a suggestion, Lieutenant?

What?

Sir, our usual defense against tanks

is to call for artillery...

and then run like a jackrabbit.

We've got orders to hold these positions.

All right, sir, but let's call for artillery

and keep our heads down.

We could send out some bazooka men,

if we had any bazookas.

- Put in a call for artillery.

- Yes, sir.

What a break.

Artillery's got that farmhouse zeroed in.

Concentration 17.

Item three to ltem:

Kraut tanks by burning farmhouse.

Concentration 17.

Roger. Start the fireworks.

That's great. Artillery can't miss.

They've got Roderigues to use

for an aiming stick.

Tell Wolowicz to send out for Roderigues

as soon as this barrage lifts.

With what, a sponge?

I've got to get me a rifle.

Any extra ones, Garby?

No, we haven't had any casualties yet.

There's a rifle waiting for you, Holley.

Your squad sent for the meat wagon

after the last shelling.

- Who was hit, Doc?

- Wolowicz.

Is he bad?

A shell landed

right on the edge of his foxhole.

His shoulder's like a sieve.

- Where's your steel pot, soldier?

- I lost it, Sergeant.

You can try mine on for size... Sergeant.

You're in charge now.

Leadership. That's what I got.

Where's Roderigues?

He'll be along, Pop.

Should have worn my shoulder pads.

In a couple of months you'll be flipping

those forward passes as good as ever.

Yeah, left-handed.

He's a good man, Holley...

but still a little jumpy.

He can move in with me.

You could do worse.

He sleeps warm and quiet.

His name's Layton. Jim Layton.

- So long, Wolowicz.

- Take it easy.

Say hello to Standiferd.

- Hansan, you can move in with Pop.

- What about Roderigues?

Is that incoming mail?

No, it's outgoing.

There'll be plenty more of it.

- What time is it, Hansan?

- 10:
30. No, it must be 11:30 here.

Where's Roderigues?

Let's take a walk, Pop.

How much longer

are they going to leave him out there?

Let's partie.

We can carry him back in this blanket.

I want three volunteers.

It's a long walk, Pop.

- I need a fourth for bridge.

- I'll be the dummy.

You don't have to, Layton.

Maybe you'll find some more eggs.

What are you looking for, Kipp,

your discharge?

- I lost my teeth.

- You lost them?

They were searching me on

a roadblock, so I put them in my pocket.

- And they jumped out?

- Dropped out.

I hope it's nice and warm

back where you're going.

I can't chew on K rations with my gums.

No! Keep your eye open.

He used to see snow

way off in the mountains.

They say it's just like going to sleep.

He was a religious kid.

When anyone got hit...

he used to say it was God's will.

- What's the Bulge?

- Search me.

"Hitler's mighty counteroffensive swept on

yesterday under a news eclipse...

"from which filtered the fact that German

armor had plunged 20 miles into Belgium."

We're in Belgium, aren't we?

Thought it was Luxembourg.

Let's see that.

"War Department authorities report

that morale is high all along the front.

"Battle-hardened doughboys

fresh from epic-making triumphs..."

Skip the commercial, Jarvess.

"Air activity was halted by

thick, swirling fog.

"At Bastogne, the 101st Airborne..."

Hey, that's us.

Then you'll be proud to know

that you are making a heroic stand...

"hurling back the best

that Von Rundstedt can throw at you."

- Who's Von Rundstedt?

- A Kraut general. The best they've got.

Is the 101st the only division up here?

It doesn't say.

We'll have to wait for the next edition.

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