Baywatch

All right, boys.

Here we go.

Nice and easy.

Oh, man, Mitch,

if you weren't here...

I'm always here.

Don't worry, your friend's

gonna be all right.

Are you Batman?

Sure, pal.

Just bigger and browner.

All right, boys,

get him in.

Have a good run, Mitch.

All right, Steph.

- Yeah, Mitch.

- Yo, Eros.

How's it looking out there?

Lippers are feebs today.

Just eggy.

Ah, eggy beyond, brah.

Nuggin' higher outside

than a full-on gazebo.

Good call, brah.

Come on.

All right, brah-brah!

It's just brah.

Come on, Pete.

Hey, Mitch!

I told you,

you don't have to

do this every day.

I want to. You saved

my sister's life.

You think I'm gonna

forget that?

All right. Well, listen,

tomorrow make my pecs

a little bigger.

And don't cover up

my front bump.

You got it.

Huge dick.

Big dick.

Yo, ellerbee.

Hey, Mitch.

Hey, come on, man,

why don't you leave

my boys alone,

and get off this big wheel

and come join me for a run?

What are you saying,

that I need to work out?

That I'm, what,

looking smaller?

No! You're looking big.

I don't know how you

fit in that uniform, man.

Oh, yeah?

Hey, hey!

If I had a sister,

I'd introduce you

to her, man.

You all right,

all right.

Wait, was that sarcastic?

Like calling

a tall guy "shorty"?

Damn it,

he always does that to me.

I heard he invented Google

and gave it all to charity.

Man, I heard

he invented the cure

for the common cold.

He ain't superman, he's

a damn county lifeguard.

Grown man wears

spandex to work.

So does superman.

Hey, f*** you!

Get off my beach!

I don't even have to

stretch to guard you.

Let's go.

Nothing, nothing,

nothing.

Ahh! Not on

my beach, Arian!

What up, vern?

What's up, Mitch?

He saved my Nana's life.

I ever tell you about that?

Every time he jogs by.

Literally,

every single time.

Hi, Mitch.

Flakka. Jesus.

Hey, what's up, buddy?

Hey, Mitch.

Hey, can I see that?

Ah...

Where'd you get this?

Right there.

Right there, huh?

Is this the only one?

All right.

Okay, I get that you

have to test for

image stabilization,

but why'd we have to

come to the beach?

You know

i hate the beach.

Besides, I got to get back

to work at the Huntley.

Well, I'm sorry, man,

but the beach is important,

okay? It's, uh...

It's, you know,

the wind and the, uh...

Just...

Oh...

I get it.

I get it now,

okay. I get it.

Who... what, c.J.?

No, I didn't even know

she was working

on the beach today.

"I didn't know c.J.

Was working."

Shut up, Dave.

Hey, Ronnie.

Ha...

It's Ronnie, right?

What the f***?

Yeah, it's Ronnie.

I'm Dave.

Hi, Dave.

Nice to meet you.

C.J. How you doing?

I'm doing all right.

You're trying out today,

right?

I saw your name

on the board.

That's how I...

Say...

Say something.

Kinda feel like

this is your year.

Stop that.

Okay. Um...

Well, I'll see you

at tryouts.

Eh...

All right, c.J.

That was amazing

to watch.

She came up to you,

she was

very nice and warm.

And you handled it

really smoothly.

Really?

F***, no.

That was awkward.

It was horrible.

F***!

Did you have a stroke?

It felt

like you had a stroke.

Hey, I'm Matt Brody.

And not a single f***

was given.

Ooh!

Hey, Ronnie.

Oh, hey, Steph.

Welcome back.

Thanks.

Third time's

a charm, right?

Yeah, yeah,

you know, I'm...

Hey.

I'm more motivated

than ever.

So you're going

to make me

guess your name?

Are you following me?

I was actually just

going to ask you

the same thing.

Okay. Look, you're hot.

I may resist for a while,

but we both know

eventually I'll give in.

So why don't

we just skip that.

Why don't you put

a baby in me?

Now.

You know, honestly...

I was thinking

dinner first.

But we could try

the baby thing,

if you want.

You are trying.

Way too hard.

Trying's the best part.

Summer.

Hi.

I was hoping

we'd see you here.

I couldn't sleep

last night.

I am so excited.

Hey, it's your day

today, summer.

Oh, thank you.

You're welcome.

Hey, fresh face.

You here for

the qualifiers?

Uh, no, no,

I'm not trying out.

I'm actually

already on the team.

You're already

on this team?

I'm Matt Brody.

Ready for duty.

"Ready for duty"?

Oh, okay.

Um, you got any papers

or anything like that?

I do. There you go.

Oh, it's a permission slip.

Literally. "Dear Mitch,

"i am pleased

to write you on behalf

of Mr. Matt Brody."

Right. Well,

no free passes.

Yeah. Whoa.

At all. Yeah, 'cause

i don't give a sh*t.

I legit needed those

for my taxes.

What you need is to

understand that if you're

going to be on this team,

you got to earn it.

Really?

Yeah. So, why don't

we start this

whole thing over,

just like gentlemen?

Where you from,

one direction?

Um... Iowa?

Iowa?

You heard of it?

Yeah,

i know what it is.

Hey, Steph.

Hey.

New kids on the block

here is from Iowa.

Oh, man.

And, uh, he says

he's already on the team.

Yeah.

Doesn't have

to try out.

Really?

Yeah, absolutely.

Let me ask you this...

A lot of oceans in Iowa?

No, just ponds and lakes

and cocky pretty boys,

apparently.

Uh-huh.

Cocky pretty boys.

Hey, Mitch,

what happened to that

last pretty boy recruit

we had?

He died.

R.I.P.

Are you guys being

serious right now?

I honestly can't tell.

You show up here,

matching bathing suits.

What is this,

"lifeguard hazing"?

I'm Matt Brody.

I hold the world record

in the 200 meter.

Two gold medals.

Hey! Matt Brody.

Matt Brody.

Yes, yes.

Absolutely.

And we still

don't give a f***.

Don't give a f***.

No, fresh out.

Fresh out of fucks.

Yeah.

Okay, that ocean out

there has riptides

that'll tear your

little mangina in two.

My mangina?

So you are being serious.

Dead serious,

right now, nsync,

all right?

This ain't no little

f***ing pond out of Iowa.

So with all due respect,

you want to be here

on this team,

on our team,

you're gonna

have to earn it.

Look, I get it.

You're big, sasquatch.

But I'm fast.

Really f***ing fast.

Which is

why somebody important

thinks I belong here.

So when you two figure out

who the f*** I am,

you can find me

on the beach.

See you.

Did that really

just happen?

It did.

He slapped me.

Wow.

Yeah. His hands were

soft and supple though,

like a woman.

No offense.

None taken.

You know what, man?

I gotta tell you,

I'm feeling really good

about this year.

You know

what I'm saying?

Good luck out there, man.

Good luck.

Thanks.

And if you need

some extra motivation...

Looking at it

right there.

Hey...

You okay?

Help! C.J., help!

My friend

is choking! Help!

No, not c.J.

Not c.J. No, no!

Are you okay?

You're choking.

Oh, god.

Are you okay?

Ronnie.

You're gonna

be just fine.

What?

Ah! Thank you!

Ronnie, are you okay?

Oh, yeah.

Are you sure?

Yeah, yeah.

No, don't touch,

don't touch.

Okay.

I'm so good.

You did good, good, good work.

Good job.

Thank you, you can go now.

Okay, um,

drink some water...

Thank you so much.

Okay.

...I guess.

Dave?

Yeah.

How does it look?

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