Beach Pillows Page #3

THAT AROSE:

FROM TODAY'S CONFUSION,

WHICH, I JUST WANT TO BE CLEAR,

WAS CAMPBELL'S FAULT.

WHAT OTHER ISSUE?

$400 WORTH OF WEASEL JAM.

[CHUCKLES]

YOU KNOW, I THOUGH YOU MIGHT HAVE BEEN ABLE

TO SUCK THAT ONE UP

CONSIDERING I WAS THE ONE

SITTING IN JAIL FOR IT.

I'D HAVE BEEN HAPPY TO, MORG.

BUT THE FACT REMAINS

IT WASN'T MY WEED,

AND DITTO'S NOT ONE

TO BE KEPT WAITING.

- DITTO?

- ESPECIALLY CONSIDERING

THE INTEREST I'VE ACCRUED

THROUGH THE YEARS.

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

WHO'S DITTO?

- YOU KNOW DITTO.

- NO, I DON'T KNOW DITTO.

AND YOU KNOW HOW YOU SHOULD KNOW

THAT I DON'T KNOW WHO DITTO IS?

BECAUSE I JUST SAID,

"WHO'S DITTO?"

DITTO, ALONG WITH BEING

MY CHIEF MARIJUANA SUPPLIER,

ALSO GOT KICKED OU OF HIGH SCHOOL

FOR STABBING MRS. NICHOLS

WITH A PROTRACTOR.

AND I CAN'T REALLY SPEAK ABOU MRS. NICHOLS' SOCIAL HABITS,

BUT I HAVE A HARD TIME

BELIEVING SHE WAS IN TO DITTO

- FOR MORE THAN I AM.

- HOW MUCH?

WELL, LIKE I SAID,

INCLUDING INTEREST...

- WILL YOU JUST F***ING TELL ME?!

- THE TV ALMOST COVERED IT.

[SIGHS]

DID YOU EVEN TRY

TO BAIL ME OUT?

I MEAN, DID YOU...

DID YOU EVEN COME?

WOW!

REALLY?

WOW! I'M NOT EVEN

GONNA ANSWER THAT QUESTION.

THAT'S SICK.

WOW! WOW!

[CHUCKLES]

YOU KNOW, MORGAN,

I THINK YOU MIGHT BE LETTING

THE FRUSTRATIONS OF THE DAY,

HOWEVER WARRANTED,

BE A LITTLE BIT MISDIRECTED.

CAMPBELL IS F***ING KARLA.

I HATE TO PUT IT IN THOSE TERMS,

BUT THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT IS.

SO, I THINK WE KNOW WHO CAN

AND CANNOT BE TRUSTED HERE.

[BED SQUEAKS]

[EXHALES SHARPLY]

I DID SOME THINKING LAST NIGHT.

NICK.

NO, I DID SOME THINKING

ABOUT WHAT YOU SAID,

ABOUT HOW EVERYTHING

IN YOUR LIFE SUCKS.

I WAS REALLY UPSET.

AND THIS DOESN'T CATCH ME

OFF GUARD, MAN.

I KNOW YOU.

I KNOW WHEN THINGS

ARE GETTING YOU DOWN.

OKAY, YOU DON' HAVE TO SAY ANY MORE.

AND I KNOW WHEN YOU FEEL DOWN,

I START FEELING DOWN.

SO, YOU'RE DOWN, I'M DOWN,

EVERYONE'S DOWN.

BUT FEELING DOWN ISN'T HELPING

ANY OF THESE PROBLEMS.

I MEAN, I DON'T KNOW

WHO'S AT FAULT HERE,

BUT I'M STARTING TO THINK...

I'M STARTING TO THINK YOU MIGH THINK I'M PARTLY RESPONSIBLE

FOR WHAT'S BEEN GOING ON.

OKAY. RIGHT.

WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY?

MY MOM'S AWAY, AND MY LITTLE

SISTER'S HAVING A POOL PARTY.

I THINK YOU SHOULD COME BY

AFTER WORK.

YOU KNOW WHAT WE NEED?

WE NEED ONE OF THOSE

MOTIVATIONAL POSTERS RIGHT HERE.

I THINK THAT COULD REALLY

TURN THINGS AROUND, MORGAN.

[SIGHS]

TOO BOUNCY?

WE DON'T MAKE THEM IN VARYING

DEGREES OF BOUNCINESS, SIR,

SO I THINK MAYBE...

I'M SORRY?

I-I JUST DON'T...

[Chuckling] NO OFFENSE, SIR,

BUT I DON'T THINK A MAN YOUR AGE

SHOULD BE JUMPING ON THE BED.

I KNOW IT'S NONE

OF MY BUSINESS, SIR,

BUT, UH... BUT BOTTOM LINE IS,

WE CAN'T BE HELD RESPONSIBLE

FOR INJURIES YOU INCUR

WHILE JUMPING ON THE BED.

BECAUSE IT'S A BED.

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE

LYING DOWN ON IT.

OKAY. EH... OH!

HAVE YOU CONTACTED THE COMPANY

THAT SOLD YOU THE CEILING FAN?

BECAUSE MAYBE, MAYBE, MAYBE

IF IT WASN'T SPINNING SO FAST,

YOU WOULDN'T NEED

ALL THOSE GODDAMN STITCHES!

[MUMBLING]

- HEY, CAN YOU HELP ME?

- PROBABLY.

- HEY, MORGAN.

- SHUT THE F*** UP.

EXCUSE ME.

DO YOU... MORGAN?

IT'S ME. IT'S DAVE.

WHAT'S GOING ON, MAN?

DAVE.

[Chuckling] DAVE.

NOTHING MUCH, MAN.

JUST WORKING AWAY.

HERE?

THEY LET YOU SMOKE IN HERE?

NOPE.

MORGAN.

- COURTNEY?

- [CHUCKLES] YEAH.

OH, MY GOD.

HAVE YOU SEEN DAVE?

YEAH, WE'RE HERE TOGETHER.

WHY?

WE'RE GETTING MARRIED.

MARRIED?

HOW LONG HAVE YOU TWO

BEEN DATING?

UH, SIX MONTHS, BUT FELT LIKE

THE RIGHT TIME, YOU KNOW?

[CHUCKLES]

SIX MONTHS.

YEP.

HOW LONG HAVE YOU AND KARLA...

NINE YEARS.

WHAT DO YOU DO FOR WORK, DAVE?

OH, REAL ESTATE.

[SIGHS]

HEY, ARE YOU STILL WRITING?

'CAUSE MY MOM SAID THAT YOUR MOM

SAID THAT YOU APPLIED

TO SOME GRAD SCHOOL IN IOWA?

SIX MONTHS. JESUS.

WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR EYE,

MORGAN?

OH, HIGH LIE ACCIDENT.

YOU KNOW, THE THING WITH THE...

HEY, DO YOU HAVE A CARD?

'CAUSE I GOT A TON OF CLIENTS

WHO HAVE SQUARE FOOTAGE TO FILL.

I'D BE MORE THAN HAPPY...

DID YOU GUYS EVEN TALK

IN HIGH SCHOOL?

HOW IS KARLA?

I MEAN, DID YOU GUYS

EVEN KNOW EACH OTHER?

- [LAUGHS]

- DO YOU HAVE A CARD?

NO, I DON'T HAVE

A F***ING CARD.

F***ING A**HOLE.

[SPITS]

HEY, CAREFUL.

THREE WORDS...

SOCIAL NET-WORKING.

FACE FRIENDS, TWEETER, HALO,

WHATEVER IT IS... RING A BELL?

IT'S THE SOUND OF THE FUTURE.

I MEAN, WE ARE IN THE SH*T,

ECONOMICALLY.

YOU KNOW,

HOUSTON, WE GOT A PROBLEM.

BEAM ME UP, SCOTTY.

YOU KNOW, YOU WIN SOME,

YOU LOSE SOME.

GUESS WHAT.

WE ARE LOSING SOME.

AND THE ONLY WAY

OUT OF THIS MUCK

IS FRESH, FAST FORWARD THINKING.

YOU KNOW, WHEN I STARTED

AS A YOUNG MAN,

IT WAS ALL ABOU HAVING SOMETHING TO SELL.

I STARTED OUT AS A WAITER IN THE

CITY... DINERS, COFFEE SHOPS...

AND I SAVED ENOUGH MONEY

TO BUY THIS STORE,

AND MY FAMILY HASN'T WANTED

FOR A SINGLE THING

NOT ONE DAY SINCE.

I'M VERY PROUD OF THAT.

I MEAN, TO PROVIDE

FOR THE PEOPLE YOU LOVE THE MOS BY SELLING THINGS

THAT FILL PEOPLE'S BELLIES

OR MAKE PEOPLE COMFORTABLE

OR WHATEVER IT IS,

A LITTLE BIT OF HAPPINESS

TO GIVE TO PEOPLE

IN AN OTHERWISE VERY SAD WORLD,

BUT TIMES HAVE CHANGED.

AND NOW IT'S ABOU MAKING FRIENDS ON A COMPUTER.

[CHUCKLES] YOU KNOW,

GETTING PEOPLE TO FOLLOW YOU.

IT'S BACK TO THE PLAYGROUND,

REALLY, FOR GOOD OR FOR ILL.

I MEAN, BUSINESS IS LIKE

AN OCEAN, AND WE'RE A SAILBOAT.

AND THERE'S AN IDLE WIND,

AND WE'RE JUST SITTING THERE.

AND IF YOU STAY PUT, YOU SINK.

LOOK, UH, COME ON.

SOMEBODY COME ON UP HERE AND...

AND GET THIS BALL ROLLING.

WILL YA?

WHAT DO YOU SAY?

ANYONE?

[SNIFFS]

[SMACKS LIPS, SIGHS]

NOW YOU'RE STARTING TO GET IT.

[SIGHS]

[INHALES DEEPLY]

SOME COCKSUCKER'S

BANGING MY GIRLFRIEND.

["SOMETHING TO BRAG ABOUT"

PLAYS]

JOHNNY'S GO A BOTTLE OF WINE

I WONDER WHERE MY MOM GETS OFF

BUYING MY SISTER

A NICE CAR LIKE THIS.

MIMI'S GOING TO COLLEGE.

EXACTLY!

ANOTHER EXPENSE ALL ON ITS OWN.

TWO WRONGS MAKE A RIGHT?

NO.

ANYWAY, YOU GOT SEE THIS BABY

IN THE BLACK BATHER.

I MEAN, YOU KNOW

HOW I LOVE BLACK BATHERS.

I'VE ALWAYS BEEN

A SUCKER FOR 'EM.

BUT SHE JUST TAKES THE CAKES.

SERIOUSLY, EVEN IN A CLOWN SUIT,

THIS GIRL WOULD BE GIVING ME

BLOOD FLOW.

[LAUGHS]

LOOK AT THESE SLAPDICKS.

WHAT'S UP, BOYS?

OH, GET THE F*** OUT OF HERE!

- STOP! STOP! STOP!

- NO, DUDE! COME ON!

- STOP! STOP THE F***ING CAR!

- THEY'RE LIKE 10 YEARS OLD, BRO!

YEAH, GOOD.

F***ING DIE LIKE THAT.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

- [SCOFFS]

- WHEW.

SO, YOU'RE GONNA PROTECT HIM?

NO, HE'S [SCOFFS]

HE'S ON PAROLE.

DOES ONE MORE THING WRONG,

HE GOES TO FEDERAL.

I CAN'T BELIEVE THOSE KIDS

SNORTED ACNE MEDICINE.

THEY THOUGHT IT WAS RITALIN.

WELL, I HOPE HE APPRECIATES IT.

HE DOES.

AND KARLA?

AND KARLA.

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?

I DON'T F***ING KNOW, MAN.

I'M TRYING TO FIGURE

THIS SH*T OUT.

NO, I MEANT THAT,

LIKE, RHETORICALLY.

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO.

OH, RIGHT, YEAH.

I DON'T KNOW.

I JUST FEEL LIKE MY SOUL IS GONE

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