Beach Pillows Page #7

IT REALLY DID.

AND I WANTED TO TELL YOU

SO BADLY.

LOOK, I TRIED TO TELL YOU, MAN.

WHY DO YOU THINK WE WEN TO CAMPBELL'S HOUSE?

CAMPBELL DIDN'T INVITE US

OVER THERE.

I WAS TRYING TO BUST IN

AND CATCH HIM IN THE ACT.

I JUST COULDN'T TELL YOU.

YOU WERE IN SUCH A SHITTY MOOD

ALREADY, MAN.

I JUST DIDN'T WAN TO MAKE IT ANY WORSE, YOU KNOW?

[Sighing] I WAS DUMB.

I WAS WRONG.

I'M SORRY.

[SIGHS]

YOU KNOW, TWO WEEKS AGO,

I WENT TO KARLA'S HOUSE.

IT SMELLED AWFUL...

LIKE ACTUAL SH*T.

AND SHE WAS SO EMBARRASSED,

SHE MADE ME WALK AROUND

THE BLOCK WITH HER.

AND I WASN'T GROSSED OU OR ANYTHING.

I JUST... IT WAS SO ENDEARING...

IT ACTUALLY MADE ME

LOVE HER MORE.

BUT NOW I REALIZE

IT WAS CAMPBELL'S SH*T...

...THAT I WAS SMELLING...

A BIG PORTERHOUSE BANKER DUMP.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

WITH THE INVESTMEN AND INTEREST.

[LAUGHS]

THE POINT IS, IS...

WRITING WAS ON THE WALL.

STREAKED ACROSS THE BOWL.

[BOTH LAUGH]

THERE YOU GO.

YOU CAN KEEP BEING PISSED AT ME

JUST BY MY BEST EFFORTS

TO REMEDY IT,

OR YOU CAN JUST GIVE IN

TO THE FACT THAT YOU LOVE ME

AND WE CAN GO CELEBRATE

MY NEWFOUND EMPLOYMENT.

GUESS WHAT.

THE CARNIES ARE IN TOWN.

YOU KNOW I REALLY AM

PISSED AT YOU, NICK. [SIGHS]

YEAH.

BUT YOU BONED THAT BABY

IN THE BLACK BATHER,

AND I REALLY LIKED HER, MAN.

FINE.

[UP-TEMPO ROCK MUSIC PLAYS]

[ALL SCREAMING]

YOU'RE COMING BACK

I DON'T KNOW WHY

I FEEL SO BAD:

OH, A PICTURE ALWAYS HURTS

MORE THAN WORDS:

YOU'RE BORN AT ZERO

AND DEAD AT 23

AIN'T IT F***ING COLD?

AND THE DIRT COMES FREE

- OHH!

- F***!

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATION]

- IT'S LIKE A 5-OUT-OF-5 DAY.

- AH, BOYS, IT HAS BEEN TOO LONG.

- COME ON.

- THIS PLACE IS TREMENDOUS.

I KNOW. WE GOT TO GE THOSE ALL-WEEK PASSES, MAN.

- WE'VE GOT TO GET THOSE.

- SH*T. THEY HAVE THOSE?

- YEAH.

- BULLSHIT.

I'M GONNA BE HERE EVERY DAY

UNTIL THEY SHIP OFF.

YOU GOT TO START WORK

THIS WEEK, THOUGH, MAN.

- OH, DAMN IT.

- YEAH.

- THAT'S RIGHT.

- DON'T WORRY, THOUGH.

I THINK THAT SH*T'S ONLY

FOR THE MINORS, YOU KNOW?

THAT'S F***ING BULLSHIT!

I'M GONNA HAVE TO SPEAK

TO MANAGEMENT ABOUT THAT.

MANAGEMENT, SERIOUSLY?

TEXTBOOK DISCRIMINATION.

- OH, COME ON.

- ALL RIGHT?

THERE'S NOT A JURY

IN THE F***ING WORLD THAT...

THEY'RE KIDS, BRO.

COME ON, THEY'RE JUST KIDS.

- WHAT?

- OH, SH*T.

- WHAT'S THE MATTER?

- IT'S KARLA.

- WHAT? WHERE'S KARLA?

- KARLA? WHERE?

- SHE'S WITH CAMPBELL.

- SERIOUSLY?

YOU'RE FINE FOR LIKE

A FEW MINUTES AT IT,

- AND THEN F***ING...

- NO, NO, LISTEN, LISTEN, LISTEN.

I'M GONNA BLOW THE ROOF

OFF THIS MOTHERF***ER.

COME ON, YOU CAN' DO THIS SH*T, MAN...

NOT WITH YOUR TRIAL TOMORROW.

AND I CAN'T GET IN THERE AND

PROTECT YOU 'CAUSE I GOT PAROLE.

JUST PUT A PIN IN THIS

MOTHERF***ER AND LET THE SH*T...

YOU KNOW, THERE'S DITTO.

- OH, MY GOD.

- THAT'S DITTO.

DUDE, I THOUGHT YOU SAID

HE WAS MEXICAN.

SERIOUSLY?

GIVE ME YOUR SHIRT.

- DUDE, ARE YOU SERIOUS?

- LOOKS ITALIAN.

GIVE ME YOUR SHIRT!

YOU DIDN'T RIGHT THINGS

WITH DITTO, DID YOU?

SEE THAT?

HOW DID I KNOW THAT?

- F***.

- F***.

SERIOUSLY, I THOUGHT YOU SAID

YOU'D TAKEN CARE OF THIS.

HOW DID I KNOW:

YOU DIDN'T TAKE CARE OF THIS?

BECAUSE YOU'RE

EXTREMELY ASTUTE.

YEAH, YOU ARE.

OKAY, WHAT ABOUT THE TV,

A**HOLE?

THAT WAS MORE LIKE, YOU KNOW,

SO HE WOULDN'T KILL ME.

ALL RIGHT, BOOST ME.

YOU GUYS, IT'S SPIKY.

YOU GOT TO BOOST ME!

[GRUNTS]

SH*T.

I DON'T KNOW IF WE'LL GROW

IF WE'LL REAP,

REAP JUST WHAT WE SOW

OR KEEP DIGGIN'

WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR EYE?

YOU SHOULD SEE THE OTHER GUY.

WHAT DOES HE LOOK LIKE?

HE'S F***ING HUGE.

[CHUCKLES]

IF YOU EVER NEED A LOVE

[SIGHS]

AH. THIS SONG.

THIS SONG IS ABOU THE CIVIL RIGHTS MOVEMENT,

AND WE'RE TWO MIDDLE-CLASS

WHITE KIDS FROM THE SUBURBS.

PERSPECTIVE.

- PERSPECTIVE.

- PERSPECTIVE.

NO, I GOT THIS ONE.

THANK YOU.

IT'S 8 BUCKS.

THERE YOU GO.

- SIR, WE DON'T TAKE TABS.

- FINE. BRING IT RIGHT BACK.

I MEAN NO CREDIT CARDS.

WELL...

- THANK YOU, MORGAN.

- YOU'RE WELCOME.

WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?

- IT'S WEIRD, ISN'T IT?

- [CHUCKLES]

I DON'T KNOW

A SINGLE PERSON HERE.

- DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE.

- NO.

GOING TO BUY SOME CIGARETTES.

OH, DO YOU HAVE ANY, UH...

THANK YOU, MORGAN.

- LIKE THIS?

- YEAH.

- IT'S FANTASTIC.

- OKAY. ABSOLUTELY NOT.

[LAUGHTER]

BLOW JOBS. AWESOME.

UH...[LAUGHS]

OH. BIG FELLA, FUNNY STUFF.

FUNNY STUFF.

- HEY, MIMI.

- HEY, MORGAN.

- HEY, BETTY.

- KATIE.

KATIE. RIGHT.

HI, ALEX.

- HEY.

- HEY, WHERE'S ED?

ED... WENT HOME.

HEY, DON'T LET NICK CRASH

MY F***ING CAR AGAIN, OKAY?

NO PROBLEMS.

OKAY, NO.

[SIGHS]

GERONIMO!

- PAY THAT FOR YOU?

- I DON'T KNOW.

GO F*** YOURSELF.

GERONIMO!

HEY. SORRY.

I'M TRYING

TO FIGURE THIS THING OUT.

I'M NOT SURE

I KNOW HOW IT WORKS.

COULD YOU...

ASK THE BARTENDER.

SO, THAT WAS FUN. HUH?

WHAT?

THE PARTY.

WHICH ONE?

[CHUCKLES]

NICK'S?

MIMI'S.

UH, "HOW MUCH IS THAT DOGGY

IN THE WINDOW"?

- ARF-ARF.

- RIGHT.

[MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS]

DO YOU KNOW THAT IT'S BROKEN?

IS THAT WHAT THE BARTENDER IS

GONNA TELL ME, THAT IT'S BROKEN?

I'M NOT GONNA SAY IT AGAIN.

DO YOU MAYBE WAN TO TAKE A WALK

AND, YOU KNOW,

TALK FOR A SECOND?

ABOUT WHAT?

ABOUT... THIS THING I'M WRITING.

IT'S A NOVEL.

I MEAN, IT'S NOT A NOVEL.

IT... IT IS A NOVEL.

I'M KIND OF STUCK IN HERE,

SO...

RIGHT.

THAT'S WHY I HATE BOOTHS.

NOW, WHEN I HAVE MY OWN BAR, I'M

GOING TO ONLY HAVE CHAIRS, SEE?

I'M ASKING YOU.

THE INFORMATION I'M GONNA GE FROM THE BARTENDER...

ARE YOU PRIVY TO IT?

'CAUSE I KIND OF FEEL LIKE

MAYBE YOU'RE A LITTLE BI PRIVY TO IT, RIGHT?

YEAH?

YOU NEED TO GET THE F***

OUT OF MY FACE, BRO.

ALL RIGHT.

- YOU'RE JUST NOT A NICE GUY.

- YEAH.

I'M GONNA CALL I HONEST ABE'S ALEHOUSE

ON ACCOUNT OF NO BOOTHS.

'CAUSE HE WAS ASSASSINATED

BY JOHN WILKES BOOTH.

F***ING A**HOLE.

"GO ON, MAN.

ASK THE BARTENDER."

- JUST GO AWAY, LOSER.

- F***ING SERIOUS?

- GO AWAY.

- YOU'RE FAT.

- WHAT A F***ING LOSER.

- DEFINITELY FAT.

- F***ING LOSER.

- DEFINITELY FAT.

DEFINITELY, DEFINITELY,

DEFINITELY FAT.

THE SLOGAN WILL BE, UH,

"COME DO YOUR DRINKIN'

IN HONEST ABLE LINCOLN'S..."

NICK'S LOOKING FOR YOU

OVER THERE.

"...ALEHOUSE,

"AND, UH, YOU WON'T HAVE TO

WORRY ABOUT BEING ASSASSINATED

BY JOHN WILKES BOOTH...

IN A BOOTH."

I'M GONNA WORK ON THAT.

BUT IT WAS REALLY NICE CHATTING.

OKAY, UH...

SEE YOU... KATIE.

AND, UM,

HAVE A WONDERFUL EVENING.

- OH, MY GOD!

- OH, MY GOD.

DOWN CAME THE RAIN

TO WASH THE SPIDER OUT

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?

THAT WAS SO DISGUSTING.

IT WAS DISGUSTING.

IT WAS DISGUSTING.

- THERE YOU ARE.

- HERE I AM. [CLEARS THROAT]

HEY, YOU KNOW WHERE I COULD GO ABOU GETTING SOME CIGARETTES AROUND HERE?

ONE SECOND, BUDDY.

WHAT, THE MACHINE

WASN'T WORKING?

YEAH, AND THEN SOME FAT GIRL

CALLED ME A LOSER.

WHY'D SHE DO THAT?

PUT OTHERS DOWN:

TO BUILD HERSELF UP,

SLIM HERSELF DOWN,

AS THE CASE MAY BE.

SUPERMARKET ACROSS THE STREET.

- GET ME ANOTHER ONE OF THESE.

- I'M GOING.

- WHAT? WE JUST GOT HERE.

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