Bean Page #11

The ROBBER, jolted back to reality by the sound of approaching Police

car sirens, jumps in the car and drives away. BEAN waves goodbye to

the convertible as a couple of Police cars screech up. COPS jump out.

DAVID approaches the scene with groceries and roses. What kind of hell

has BEAN caused now? But instead of trouble, he sees the passers-by

are getting to their feet, applauding BEAN and whistling! They crowd

round the COPS explaining what a hero BEAN has been.

BEAN hands over the gun to a COP. He doesn't really understand what

all the fuss is about. He notices the BAG

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LADY wandering away with her bags. Should he tell her that he has

swapped one of them for the ROBBER'S? No. He's getting too much

attention to be bothered. A COP comes up to BEAN. It is COP 1 from

the airport scene.

COP 1

Excuse me. Mr. er ... Cabbage?

Sudden mutual recognition.

CUT TO:

INT. POLICE PRECINCT. INTERVIEW ROOM - NIGHT

Classic smoked filled room with street light cutting through half

closed Venetian blinds. Two or three DETECTIVES slouched in the

shadows.

BRUTUS, the huge black detective from earlier, sits opposite BEAN at a

table, smoking. He is looking at a photo. A close-up reveals it to be

a full length one of BEAN and the ROBBER outside the mall with the

ROBBER's face unmasked. BRUTUS eyes BEAN for a while. BEAN is

terrified. BRUTUS taps the photo.

BRUTUS:

It's Eddie Guardino. Go pick him up.

One of the DETECTIVES lazily leaves the room. BRUTUS leans forward on

his elbows.

BRUTUS:

Guardino fled the scene with 160 K, in a white plastic bag. We got the

car. We got the bag. And we got 20 pairs of stinking pantyhose.

(drags on his cigarette) Anything you wanna tell me?

BEAN looks at h4-m blankly. BRUTUS holds up the photo.

BRUTUS:

'Fraid I'm gonna have to keep this.

BEAN calmly takes the picture and tears it in half. He gives back the

ROBBER half and puts the other half, with himself on, into his pocket.

BRUTUS glares at him.

BRUTUS:

Mr. Bean. You lookin' to stay long in California?

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BEAN grins. At last. A question he can answer. He nods, happily.

MR. BEAN

Oh, yes.

CUT TO:

INT. THE LEARYS' HOUSE. KITCHEN - NIGHT

DAVID is talking to KEVIN. BEAN is there. In the background, Jennifer

plays with a computer game. DAVID is very animated.

DAVID:

He was incredible. This guy is fearless. He has no fear.

KEVIN:

That's one - way of looking at it. You might also say this guy is

brainless he has no brain'.

DAVID:

Well, there is that ...

KEVIN:

(TO BEAN )

I'11 give you a chance... Know anything about computers?

BEAN:

Ahm....

CUT TO:

INT. THE LEARYS' HOUSE. KEVIN'S BEDROOM - NIGHT

KEVIN is playing an adventure game: 'GOBLINS 2' [This game exists.] The

GOBLINS chuckle and make stupid noises that BEAN can imitate. A catchy

piece of music accompanies the game.

The computer monitor shows the inside of the WIZARD's house. KEVIN

moves the GOBLINS, and two little characters, FINGUS and WINKLE, around

the room by clicking on areas in the room with his mouse.

BEAN and KEVIN are both wearing pointed goblin hats made from

newspaper.

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KEVIN:

It's so embarrassing. All the guys I know are on Goblins 3 and I'm

still stuck with the lousy Wizard in Goblins 2.

BEAN is interested in the computer because he likes the cute little

GOBLINS. He gets his delighted face right up to the screen. He sings

along with the catchy tune. KEVIN is getting frustrated.

KEVIN:

Come on, winkle.

KEVIN clicks on a cuckoo clock in the WIZARD's room. The cuckoo pops

out holding a key in its beak.

KEVIN:

It's gotta be here. Something to get the key away from the stupid

cuckoo.

BEAN scans the monitor screen: he spots a little frog at the bottom of

the scene. His eyes light up. He takes the mouse and rapidly and

repeatedly clicks on the frog.

BEAN:

Click, click, click, click, click ...

The frog croaks and jumps off a little round stone. KEVIN gets

excited.

KEVIN:

How'd you do that!? That was so obvious!!!

BEAN grins and makes WINKLE pick up the stone. Then he clicks through

to inside the wizard's house. He makes WINKLE throw the stone at the

cuckoo which instantly drops the key from its beak.

KEVIN:

Beanie, you are waaaaay Cool!

KEVIN slaps BEAN on the back. BEAN is delighted. Close on monitor,

showing The Goblin game-

CUT TO:

INT. LIVING ROOM. DAY

Another game. JENNIFER'S Super Nintendo game on TV in the lounge area.

It is a Gothic game where he-man types attack Vampires and bats with

swords.

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DAVID is in the kitchen - setting out the roses in a vase. The door

opens - enter ALISON. Some tension.

DAVID:

Hi,

ALISON:

Hi..... (PAUSE ) Roses.

DAVID:

Yes. AndI have a wine for dinner

that will kill you.

ALISON:

Great. ( SHE SETTLES A LITTLE ) You said you'd ask Grierson about

putting our guest somewhere else. Did you?

DAVID:

Sort of half.....

ALISON:

Meaning?

DAVID:

I was sort of half way through the sentence in which I would have asked

him when it suddenly seemed like a mistake.

ALISON:

Honestly David, you're so spineless.

Pause. Jennifer looks around. She can't help but hear. Not a happy

experience.

DAVID:

Roses. Wine.

He is asking her for softness. Pause. At which moment BEAN enters

wearing pointy hat. He helps himself to a melon from a bowl. He grins

and exits. ALISON looks at DAVID sadly.

ALISON:

But no real change.

Almost instantly, BEAN is back. He rummages through a drawer and takes

out some large elastic bands. And leaves.

ALISON:

I really do need some time on my own. Away from here.

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DAVID:

Look, Bean's history. I swear to you, he's packing as we speak. And

you can't leave. ( HE PICKS UP THE BAMBI ) I've got Bambi. You never

go anywhere without him. Please let's just talk.

ALISON:

Okay. ( GHOST OF A SMILE ) Put Bambi down, and we'll talk.

He puts Bambi down on the side-table, on the flat surface of his CD

player. BEAN appears again behind her, now looking even madder.

Pointy hat, large pointy ears made from melon peel, held in place by

the rubber band stretched round his face ~ huge front teeth also cut

from the melon. He grins gleefully.

DAVID and ALISON just stare. BEAN is followed by KEVIN who wears the

same ears and teeth.

DAVID:

Look, you guys, could you just give us a moment to ... Jennifer - could

you turn that damn thing down.

It is quite loud. JENNIFER looks for the remote control. BEAN

helpfully picks up a remote control from the sofa and points it across

the room.

ALISON:

No, that's not for the TV. That's for the ...

Too late! BEAN punches a button and the lid of the CD

player launches the Bambi into the air.

DAVID sees it. In slow motion he dives dramatically and just misses

it. It smashes on the floor.

BEAN raises his eyes heavenwards, shakes his head and tuts. He thinks

DAVID is a real Butter Fingers.

JENNIFER, upset, has found the TV remote and unintentionally switches

from the Vampire game to a TV channel. It's very loud.

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