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Bean Page #13
- PG-13
- Year:
- 1997
- 89 min
- 859 Views
DAVID:
As you can see, security's pretty tight in this section. Nobody gets
past Elmer here. Isn't that right?
ELMER:
Not in one piece anyway. I see Mrs Whistler as kind of ... like my own
dear mother. I'd kill any man that tried to interfere with her. The
Vice President here will vouch for that.
58
DAVID:
You've known me five years Elmer. When do you get to calling me David?
ELMER:
Not my place, sir. It would only be a matter of time before I'm
calling you Dave. Then where would we be? By next year, you're my
Sweety-Pie" and I'm "Coochie-Coo". I'11 be back in 15.
He salutes, glares at BEAN and walks away. BEAN and DAVID enters the
room. BEAN looks warily back at ELMER
DAVID:
You think he's tough you should see the size of the hunk that works the
night shift.
CUT TO:
INT. THE GRIERSON GALLERY. THE WHISTLER ROOM - DAY.
The room is very dark, only tiny lights in the corner.
DAVID:
Stay there. Keep your eyes closed. One final lock, one final key.
DAVID unlocks double doors in a wall with a plastic key card. Buzz -
click! The camera holds on BEAN, his eyes tight shut. The lights go
up on BEAN's face, a magical golden glow.
DAVID:
Right. Open now.
Cut round - and there is this beautiful and very famous painting,
lovingly shot. Music. Atmosphere. Glory.
BEAN opens his eyes and looks at the painting.
BEAN:
Mmmmm. Nice.
DAVID:
I'11 leave you with her for a few minutes. I'm sure you'll want to
give her a proper inspection. But whatever you do, don't leave the
room. Megasecurity, okay? Catch you.
BEAN nods. DAVID leaves him. BEAN is still for a while and then goes
up and inspects it closely.
59
He tuts disapprovingly as he spots dust on the bottom of the frame. He
blows it away fussily. He steps back to admire the painting. There is
dust up his nose and... SNEEZE - all over the painting!
He takes out his handkerchief and wipes the spittle off in panic. Then
looks back at the painting. Unfortunately, there now seems to be a big
blue mark right across Mrs Whistler's face..
BEAN checks his handkerchief. Yes, there's wet ink all over it. He
finds the leaking pen in his pocket. 0 God. He takes out his shirt,
spits on it and tries to wipe the painting, but he can't make the shirt
reach it. He takes the painting down from the wall and has another go.
NO GOOD! The ink just spreads right over Whistler's Mother's pure
white collar.
BEAN now looks round in panic. What the hell can he do? He goes to
the heavy door - and looks out into the corridor. He hears someone
coming, hides and sees a young girl from the catering staff wheeling a
slightly squeaky trolley past, covered with a white cloth.
He goes back in - and has an idea. He goes to a little table in the
corner and begins to take thing off it.
CUT TO:
INT. GALLERY. UPSTAIRS CORRIDOR - DAY.
The door opens, and BEAN emerges, pushing what appears to be a trolley
covered with a white cloth. Although, if you look carefully, this
trolley actually has no legs. It is the painting covered with the
table cloth. To make it a bit more convincing, BEAN makes an apt
squeaky noise.
He proceeds along the thin corridor - and then sees another exactly
similar trolley coming right towards him.' A problem. As they get
close, BEAN suddenly pretends he sees something astonishing behind the
on-coming man.
BEAN:
(silently mouths)
What the ... !!!
When the man turns, BEAN just twists his painting sideways and shoots
past him. We see the face of the deeply perplexed trolley-pusher when
he looks back and BEAN is no longer there. He turns round to BEAN, who
turns back to him with a totally blank and innocent look. BEAN sees an
elevator and heads for it.
CUT TO:
60
INT. THE GRIERSON GALLERY. ELEVATOR - DAY
Inside the elevator, BEAN relaxes for a moment. He leans the painting
against the wall and presses the third floor button. The bell dings.
ELEVATOR VOICE:
Second floor.
BEAN manages to get the painting into trolley position before the doors
open to a group of six very fat middle aged people. They all wear
large badges declaring them to be members of a 'Diet Club'. They
squeeze into the elevator along both sides of BEAN's trolley. There is
a very, very, THIN WOMAN behind them who can't fit on.
THIN WOMAN:
I guess I'll see you up there, guys.
The doors close. As the painting is wedged against the fat people's
stomachs on both sides, BEAN is able to let go of it and make a great
show of checking his watch. He nonchalantly, drums the fingers of both
hands on the top of the trolley'. The bell dings.
ELEVATOR VOICE:
Third floor.
The doors open. BEAN flips the painting onto its side and strolls out
of the elevator. The 'Diet Cub, members stare, after him.
BEAN heads on, squeaking - and at last sees what he's looking for. A
men's room.
CUT TO:
INT. GRIERSON GALLERY. MEN'S ROOM - DAY
BEAN enters, relieved. It is small, just a little sink, a towel and a
toilet. About a yard wide - but the picture fits in.
BEAN starts to wash the painting very carefully and lo!! The ink
starts to come off. Massive relief. Then, alas, someone tries the
handle of the door. BEAN speeds up. A knock. He peers out the
keyhole. There are now 4 people waiting. BEAN is very worried.
CUT TO:
61
INT.-GRIERSON GALLERY. OUTSIDE MEN'S ROOM - DAY
Pause. Then out comes BEAN, drying his empty hands, miming, "Sorry,
Sorry.". We see into the toilet. nothing there. No sign of the
painting. BEAN turns sharply left.
CUT TO:
DAVID is talking to BERNIE in the grounds. We can see the side of the
whole gallery in shot as they talk.
BERNIE:
I was hoping DU. Bean might take a look at my computer project today.
DAVID:
Yes. I'11 mention it to him. But ... he's kind of his own guy, you
know?
BERNIE:
Howls he getting on with the family?
DAVID:
Ah. Fine. It's good. It's great.
We will be slightly distracted by the observation that Whistler's
Mother, America's most valuable painting, is at this moment balanced on
a very thin ledge three floors up - where Bean has put in, outside the
Men's room window. A bird and then a couple more birds perch on it.
BERNIE:
And howls Alison?
DAVID:
She's ... well, she's good.
BERNIE:
Saw her at the movies the other night with that boss of hers. Nice
guy. Good looking.
DAVID:
Yes, isn't he.
BERNIE:
It's great when people who work together can become real friends.
DAVID:
Isn't it?
62
BERNIE:
I like to think that's what's happened with you and me ... even though
you're kinda my boss. Still maybe it won't always be that way, huh?
DAVID doesn't quite see what BERNIE is getting at but smiles politely.
Now we see BEAN's plan - he has emerged at a nearby window. He can't
reach the painting at first. So he stretches further and further out
the window. No good. Finally he has to go out on the ledge. He shoos
away the birds, who then decide to settle on him instead. Finally he
gets a hand on the painting. As he does so, he loses hold. He just
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"Bean" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 30 Aug. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/bean_695>.
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