![Find Bean on Amazon](https://www.scripts.com/images/script/695_bean.png)
Bean Page #14
- PG-13
- Year:
- 1997
- 89 min
- 859 Views
DAVID:
Look, I've left Bean on his own. Nice to chat though Bernie - always a
subtle joy.
BERNIE:
Thanks, David. Always a pleasure.
Period.
BEAN is slowly managing to claw his way back towards the open window
with the painting. It is an extraordinary piece of acrobatics. DAVID
turns to go.
BERNIE:
By the way. Don't know what you think, Mr Vice President, but I've
been hinting to the old man that someone's got to have the balls to
take some sort of emergency measures around here - or we're all in the
crap house. What do you think?
DAVID:
'Emergency measures, in your book means sack people right?
BERNIE:
Not necessarily. That's where this ... ( POINTS TO HIS BRAIN ) comes
in. No, I've had a better idea than sacking people. You'll hear soon
enough.
BERNIE grins and walks away. Bean does one final swing, and ....
CUT TO:
63
INT. GRIERSON GALLERY. STOREROOM - DAY.
A small storeroom where Bean's wriggling bottom is just coming back
through the window. He has the picture and is safe.
He sets the picture down on a table. Darn! The birds have done their
business on it.
He maniacally rummages through various dusty cans and bottles on a
shelf. He chooses a can, too rusty to read its label, takes off the
lid and sniffs. This smells like the right sort of stuff. He pours
the liquid on to a rag and rubs it on the face of Mrs. Whistler. The
solvent effortlessly removes the ink stain. Whistler's Mother looks as
good as new.
BEAN is so, so, relieved. But then he notices something else
happening. The liquid did not stop with removing the stain. It is now
busy removing Whistler's Mother's face entirely. As Bean watches-in
frozen horror, America's most famous painting turns back to a blank
canvas.
BEAN thinks for a second - and then has a desperate thought. Removing
the pen that started all the trouble, he decides to try to draw back on
Whistler's Mother's 'face. He doesn't have much time. It shows.
Where once was a sublime oil painting, is now a biro line-drawing which
looks a little like Danny de Vito.
Bean lifts it against the wall to check how it's worked.
Unfortunately, there's a nail there. The picture tears, Bean panics -
it tears even more. Total destruction.
CUT TO:
INT. GRIERSON GALLERY. CORRIDOR - DAY.
BEAN Hurries down the corridor with his pseudo-trolley again, and a
vaguely mad look on his face. He spots ANNIE at a drinks machine. She
smiles sweetly (here comes her man) BEAN takes a sharp left into an
adjacent corridor. ANNIE is hurt.
ANNIE:
True love can be very hard.
CUT TO:
INT. THE GRIERSON GALLERY. THE WRONG ROOM - DAY
Close on the double doors (identical to those of the Whistler Room)
BEAN enters with the Painting, under the
64
cloth. He closes the doors and rests a moment to catch his breath. He
takes a step into the room and freezes.
The very fat 'Diet Club, people are seated at easels, paint brushes
poised. The very THIN WOMAN is standing in the centre of the room in
her underwear with a Greek urn perched on her shoulder. All eyes are
on BEAN, who exits very quickly.
CUT TO:
INT. INNER SANCTUM. WHISTLER ROOM DAY.
BEAN gets back to the right rooms and closes the door desperately
behind him.
He stands frozen for a second - and at that moment, a hand tries the
door. BEAN leaps at it and stops. the handle turning. Then there's a
knock. BEAN moves the big table in front of the door - he's
barricading himself in. There's a famous Rodin sculpture in there - he
shoves it along to block, the door as well. When he's succeeded, he
leans hot and sweaty against it - and a door on the other side of the
room calmly opens and .... DAVID walks in.
DAVID:
Seems to be a problem with the door.(PAUSE) Where's the picture gone?
BEAN:
Ahm.....
DAVID:
What? What?
Pause. Pause. BEAN finally shows it. Not a pretty sight.
DAVID:
Oh Jesus. Oh God. Oh Jesus God. Oh Mary Mother of Jesus. Oh Jesus of
Nazareth.
BEAN:
oh dear.
DAVID:
What happened?!!!
BEAN:
Ahm.... (setting himself up for an interesting, comprehensive answer).
65
DAVID:
Don't bother (panicking) Oh my god.....
He rushes to the door he just came in - and locks it.
Wait a minute - why am I worrying about this? I did it. I just go out
and tell them what happened - you're a madman from England and you did
this terrible thing and it's not my fault. That's right, isn't it?
BEAN nods, knowing he deserves his doom.
Perfect - and then they say - who left him alone with the picture?" And
I say - "me". And they say "you're fired". And I say ' right'. And
so I get fired and you go to jail and no one's any happier.
BEAN shakes his head.
And then they say, "firing David isn't enough - let's prosecute him for
negligence. And they prosecute me and it turns out I was negligent and
I go to jail, and my wife leaves me and my daughter becomes a
prostitute and I end up on Death Row sharing a cell with Butch McDick,
the infamous gay rapist - or worse, I end up in the same cell as you!
BEAN looks hurt.
No, no...Now, let's just be calm let's think about this calmly. (he
tries - and fails ... ) Oh Godigodigod! Okay, now wait. Let's have
another look at it.
BEAN shows it to him.
Jesus!!! I'm already thinking back to 5 minutes ago as paradise. 5
minutes ago - just walking along, shooting the breeze with my old pal
Bernie.
BEAN then he has a brilliant idea. He hangs the painting back up in
the security cupboard and closes the doors. Then he removes from his
pocket a small note book.
66
He scribbles something on it, tears the page out, licks it and sticks
it on the cupboard door. It reads 'OUT OF ORDER'.
DAVID:
Brilliant. Brilliant. Problem solved!
BEAN is delighted.
Apart from the tiny drawback that the first person who opens the
cupboard will say -"Look, someone's totally destroyed Whistler's
Mother- let's kill them".
BEAN is less delighted.
No - the most important thing is tbat no-one sees it.
Ever again!
He locks the cupboard with his plastic card key-
That's the first thing. Then ... that's the first thing.... Next ...
next is the next thing which is... obviously... ritual suicide. Look,
let's get out of here. Try to act natural.
The let themselves out and go into the corridor- BEAN acting his
version of 'natural' - very liquid.
CUT TO:
INT. CORRIDOR. DAY-
They bump straight into GRIERSON and ELMER.
GRIERSON:
Ah, David. Showing Dr. Bean our good lady?
BEAN:
Actually I'm not a...
DAVID:
That's right - Whistler's Mother. Looking at his mother - not his
father - not interested in his father, Couldn't give a flying doughnut
for his sisters or brothers - just his mother. Yes.
GRIERSON:
Well, good - think I may go and look at her myself...
Translation
Translate and read this script in other languages:
Select another language:
- - Select -
- 简体中文 (Chinese - Simplified)
- 繁體中文 (Chinese - Traditional)
- Español (Spanish)
- Esperanto (Esperanto)
- 日本語 (Japanese)
- Português (Portuguese)
- Deutsch (German)
- العربية (Arabic)
- Français (French)
- Русский (Russian)
- ಕನ್ನಡ (Kannada)
- 한국어 (Korean)
- עברית (Hebrew)
- Gaeilge (Irish)
- Українська (Ukrainian)
- اردو (Urdu)
- Magyar (Hungarian)
- मानक हिन्दी (Hindi)
- Indonesia (Indonesian)
- Italiano (Italian)
- தமிழ் (Tamil)
- Türkçe (Turkish)
- తెలుగు (Telugu)
- ภาษาไทย (Thai)
- Tiếng Việt (Vietnamese)
- Čeština (Czech)
- Polski (Polish)
- Bahasa Indonesia (Indonesian)
- Românește (Romanian)
- Nederlands (Dutch)
- Ελληνικά (Greek)
- Latinum (Latin)
- Svenska (Swedish)
- Dansk (Danish)
- Suomi (Finnish)
- فارسی (Persian)
- ייִדיש (Yiddish)
- հայերեն (Armenian)
- Norsk (Norwegian)
- English (English)
Citation
Use the citation below to add this screenplay to your bibliography:
Style:MLAChicagoAPA
"Bean" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 30 Aug. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/bean_695>.
Discuss this script with the community:
Report Comment
We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.
If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly.
Attachment
You need to be logged in to favorite.
Log In