Bean Page #19

At which moment we see the lighter shoot out, and on to the seat. BEAN

is still looking round below the dashboard, when he notices a little

fire in the seat beside him. Not good news.

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BEAN panics a bit, turns and half climbs over into the back seat, when

he spies a drinks cabinet. He has a very good idea - he finds a cut

crystal decanter of brown liquid, opens it and uses it to douse the

fire. Not a wise move with brandy. Before the cut, we see the

WHOOOSH! of a major fire in the front seat of the car.

CUT TO:

INT. THE GRIERSON GALLERY. DAY.

GRIERSON leads REYNOLDS towards the main gallery. He points up to the

video screen they are passing, which shows the two of them walking

along - as does every screen in the gallery. REYNOLDS is impressed.

He glances at DAVID in passing.

REYNOLDS:

Nice tie, fella.

DAVID grins to himself.

CUT TO:

INT. PARKING LOT - DAY.

The front of the car isn't what it was. There has been a big fire.

It's out now - three decanters lie empty. BEAN is not happy. Finally,

he decides to go for brute strength. He turns the car on again, puts

it into reverse, and puts his foot down on the accelerator.

We see the car from above. Full throttle. Totally still. Totally

still. And then WHOOOOSH WHAM!!! It reverses at 100 mph straight

backwards, smashing violently into and destroying the back of the car

behind _ as it happens, Bernie's car.

CUT TO:

INT. THE GRIERSON GALLERY. GROUND FLOOR - DAY

REYNOLDS stops to admire a small painting - a twelfth century

'Crucifixion of Christ'.

GRIERSON:

Ah, one of my favourites. It expresses a universal agony that the

established Church so rarely acknowledges, don't you think?

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REYNOLDS:

Jesus ... no one's got feet like for crying out loud. Have you got

feet like that? Dammed if I have. Let's move it, shall we?

BERNIE spots a slightly concerned DAVID.

BERNIE:

Everything okay, David?

DAVID:

Yes. Ahm. I was just wondering where my English house guest had got

to.

BERNIE:

He's just parking the Governor's car.

DAVID:

Great - keep him out of trouble.

CUT TO:

INT. PARKING LOT - DAY.

BEAN is inspecting the car. He's not too happy with it. '.He tries to

get the bonnet down, but it insists on staying up. He shrugs his

shoulders and gets in to drive off again, having to wind down the

window and drive by leaning his head out. This means that as he heads

for the exit, he fails to see the system to stop people leaving without

paying, a foot high barrier that appears out of the ground. When he

hits it, the car stops dead.

BEAN gets out, leaving the car idling and goes to the booth where

normally the attendant would be - but everyone is in the gallery at the

moment. Inside he pushes a couple of buttons, and, hurrah, gets the

one that drops the barrier. Less hurrah, he has forgotten to put on

the hand brake.

As he moves back towards the car, it glides slowly down the ramp on the

outside of the building, then accelerates, and finally, on a

particularly sharp turn, smashes through the wall, and flies off the

building. We hear a crash - but do not see where it lands.

CUT TO:

INT. THE GRIERSON GALLERY. GROUND FLOOR - DAY

GOVERNOR REYNOLDS turns away from another picture.

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REYNOLDS:

Can we go and see Mrs. Whistler now? My eyes are making my feet sore,

as my wife would say.

DAVID:

Sure, Governor. Please. This way.

The party follows DAVID as he walks through the gallery, towards the

double doors, to take the lift to the Whistler Room. An excited

atmosphere.

CUT TO:

INT. WHISTLER ROOM. DAY.

Everyone enters.

DAVID:

Ladies and gentlemen - most of you have seen Whistler's Mother before,

can I ask you just to step back. Thank you.

It's part of his plan of caution - he knows there's something wrong -

and wants as few people as possible to .see the painting close up. The

crowd moves back.

DAVID:

I'd like the Governor to have, as it were, a private audience with his

new friend.

REYNOLDS is flattered. Silence. DAVID inserts the plastic card key -

opens the doors - and sure enough there in all its glory is Whistler's

Mother'. Respectful silence.

REYNOLDS is delighted. He stands back to inspect her.

REYNOLDS:

Well, hello Ma'am! Yes - she certainly looks a million dollars to me -

or should I say ten million dollars!

Everyone applauds.

GRIERSON:

Bravo - what do you say to a final glass of, though I say it myself,

rather 'expensive' champagne. (grins smugly)

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People start to file out. REYNOLDS, GRIERSON, BERNIE and DAVID stay

behind. DAVID spots BEAN arriving. He hands the car keys back to

BERNIE with a slightly dazed smile. DAVID eagerly takes his arm and

brings him over.

DAVID:

Governor, I don't believe you've met Dr Bean, our expert from England.

They turn to each other - recognition from BEAN "it's the man from the

plane". He does a very quick hand-shake and tries to make a getaway

before REYNOLDS recognises him...

BEAN:

Ah, hello, sorry, I ... Ahm... sorry ...

BEAN turns. In fatal slow motion he trips over the cord that stops

anyone getting too close to the great painting. He spins and falls in

the direction of the painting.

CUT TO:
the looks of horror on all the faces.

CUT TO:
BEAN, reaching out to keep himself standing. We think he's

going to tear the painting. He doesn't. He simply catches hold of the

bottom of the ornate frame. It ,,snaps off.

CUT TO:
a look of relief for an instant on all faces.

CUT TO:
the truth - as the frame breaks off, there is the little white

strip, saying, THE GRIERSON GALLERY, HOME OF WHISTLER'S MOTHER"-

CUT TO:
a look of horror on all faces.

CUT TO:
ELMER looking like someone has just murdered his own mother.

CUT TO:
BRUTUS and SIDE-KICK glowering at BEAN.

CUT TO:

INT. GALLERY CORRIDOR. DAY.

Governor REYNOLDS storming through the Gallery, with -BERNIE and

GRIERSON scampering after him.

REYNOLDS:

You were going to sell the State of California a poster - for ten

million dollars! Who the hell do you think you are, Shorty!?

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GRIERSON:

Look, Governor - just wait - it's may not be as bad as it looks ....

CUT TO:

INT. THE GRIERSON GALLERY. WHISTLER ROOM - DAY.

DAVID and BEAN stand alone in silence, in front of the debris. BEAN is

absolutely destitute. DAVID stares at him. BEAN just lifts his hands.

Totally sad. What will, what can DAVID say to him? Finally, DAVID

just puts his hands on his shoulder.

DAVID:

Nice try, kiddo.

BEAN cant quite believe he's forgiven. At which moment, there is a

knock on the door. ANNIE enters, holding KEVIN's hand.

ANNIE:

David. There's a call for you. It's your wife.

DAVID:

Great. Classic timing. Why don't you ask her just to leave a date for

the divorce? I'll check my diary later.

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