Bean Page #21

NURSE 2

Doctor ... Bean?

BEAN is fed up trying to correct people with this misconception.

BEAN:

Actually ... (huge sigh) ... Yes, yes, yes...

NURSE 2

Just in time, sir. Allow me.

She immediately slips the white coat onto BEAN, and the gloves, and the

mask.

INT. HOSPITAL. CORRIDOR - DAY

ALISON, DAVID and KEVIN are sitting on the bench opposite JENNIFER's

room. KEVIN picks up JENNIFER's SUPER NINTENDO console from the bench.

DAVID notices this. ALISON answers his look.

99

ALISON:

When the Police told me what had happened I ... it's stupid I know ...

but I remembered all that stuff people do to get through to coma

victims ...

KEVIN:

Like playing them recordings of their dish washers and coffee grinders?

ALISON:

That right. So I went home and picked it up.

DAVID:

Good thinking. (pause) You still call it 'home'.

ALISON looks at him seriously.

INT. OPERATING THEATRE. NIGHT.

Inside the operating theatre, a body is waiting in position. There are

3 attending nurses and an assistant doctor. They all look up to BEAN

as he enters, fully kitted up.

ASSISTANT:

Good evening Doctor.. What we have here is a bullet wound in the lower

thorax it seems to have ruptured the lung, and there's severe inner

bleeding along the abdomen.

NURSE 2

He's coming round.

ASSISTANT:

Give him a T 70, straight away.

The victim starts to move - he looks up - we see his face for the first

time. It is the police officer, BRUTUS. He is in great pain. As the

sedative shot goes in, BEAN takes off his mask, and smiles, with a

little wave. A look of total panic goes over BRUTU'S eyes, as he loses

consciousness.

ASSISTANT:

Shall I do the cut, sir?

BEAN nods - he's not going to argue with anyone. The assistant cuts.

BEAN is horrified, almost faints, then snatches the knife. He can't

believe this maniac has just cut through another personas flesh.

100

ASSISTANT:

I'm sorry. it's only MY first week.

BEAN hands the knife to the NURSE testily.

NURSE:

I'm afraid we'll now have to wait for the X-rays, Doctor, or we'll

never find the bullet. Come on everyone sort out the support systems.

EVERYONE turns to get on with their particular jobs. BEAN is left with

the body. A pause. He gets a little bored. Takes a sweet packet out

of his pocket. Only one sweet left. he takes it out lovingly, and then

does what he always does - throws it up into the air, to catch it in

his mouth.

Unfortunately, he forgets that he is wearing a mask. It hits the

middle of the mask and bounces into the cut in the body.

BEAN looks down annoyed. Checks round him - everyone's 'still busy.

So he puts his hand in the body, really rummages around, finds the

sweet, takes it out, and then realises he's in fact got the bullet

between his fingers. ..Guiltily, he slips it back into the body,

rummages a bit more, finds the sweet, wipes it, & pops it in his mouth.

At which second the X-ray arrives.

ASSISTANT:

Here we go, doctor. ( STUDYING THE X-RAY ) the bullet is here - so

we'll probably have to extend the cut to here. Think we all better be

prepared for a long one here. This is tricky.

BEAN tuts scornfully - 'you're wrong 1, reaches in again, feels around

for a second, and triumphantly produces the bullet between his fingers.

They all applaud.

CUT TO:

INT. HOSPITAL. CORRIDOR - DAY.

BEAN exits from the theatre - still in gown and mask, followed by the

assistant. The police SIDE-KICK is waiting.

SIDE-KICK

Any news on the chief?.

101

ASSISTANT:

There certainly is. Dr Bean here just saved his life.

SIDE-KICK's eyes water. He's choked. BEAN shakes his hand nervously,

and heads on fast before he's found out. He turns the corner and

suddenly sees DAVID and ALISON, still seated. ALISON sees him.

ALISON:

0 my god.

DAVID:

Sorry, honey - he just happened to tag along.

ALISON:

Nothing ever really changes, does it, David?

She turns her head away: the bond of the moments before is gone. BEAN

looks very contrite. At that moment, another doctor walks by.

DAVID:

Excuse me.

DOCTOR 2

Yes, your doctor will be with you in a minute. We have a lot to deal

with here, sir.

ALISON looks round, and shakes her head. BEAN kicks DAVID in the

shins. DAVID looks round, puzzled. There is a poster of the human

skeleton. BEAN points to the spine. DAVID looks but cannot fathom a

relevant meaning from it.

Another doctor comes along - the same one who they spoke to first.

He's young, confident slightly arrogant.

ALISON:

Excuse me, doctor.

DOCTOR:

Really Ma'am, we'll get to you in due course.

ALISON:

Okay.

DAVID looks at the poster opposite again. Spine, ribcage, skull.

Looks back at Bean gesturing to it. This time the penny drops! Spine

spineless!

102

DAVID:

Say that again, son.

DOCTOR:

I beg your pardon?

DAVID:

I said say that again, son - because the next time you do, I'll make

sure you're in there with my daughter, but in a slightly less healthy

state and she's in a coma with a broken arm right now.

DOCTOR:

I'm er ... sorry if you've been waiting a long time.

DAVID:

We have. In fact, we've been sitting here since the start of the

Millennium and I'd really like some action from you before the end of

the world.

A hint of a smile arrives on ALISON's lips. She's heard that somewhere

before.

DAVID:

So, why not haul your ... (checks) nice little ass into this room and

explain to me and my wife why our precious daughter is going to be

absolutely fine because of all the fantastic intelligence and attention

you are going to give her case.

DOCTOR:

Okay, sir. Certainly. Good.

DAVID turns to ALISON - she does a little tilt of her

Head 'WOW'. And he turns to BEAN, who points to

himself,and nods .... n Come on!

DAVID:

Yes, and Bean, for God's sake, keep out of the goddamn way, will you?

BEAN nods enthusiastically and backs off.

ALISON:

Smiling Well, well.

CUT TO:

103

INT. HOSPITAL. JENNIFER'S ROOM - NIGHT

Close on an E.C.G. monitor, green lines on black screen. DAVID and

ALISON sit by JENNIFER's bed. JENNIFER is unconscious. She has her

arm in a cast and a small Band-Aid on her head. otherwise she seems

undamaged.

KEVIN is sitting on the end of the bed playing the SUPER NINTENDO game

(the Gothic Vampire thing, with bats and he-men, we saw on JENNIFER'S

TV earlier). It is plugged into a T.V. which sits on a trolley. It's

quite a noisy game. KEVIN is immersed in it.

ALISON:

Let's get a coffee.

DAVID:

Yes. Great. Kevin, I'11 send Bean in to keep you company.

ALISON exits. David follows. BEAN enters. He sees JENNIFER for the

first time. Sympathy shows in his eyes.

KEVIN:

Help me with this. It's a scientific experiment. We're gonna wake up

Sleeping Beauty here with the tortured screams of Vampire bats.

BEAN is determined to help. He sits down with KEVIN. The game

continues. The he-man jumps up and down, lashing out at bats with his

sword. Lots of noise, but JENNIFER sleeps on.

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