Bean Page #4

BEAN puts a plastic mug over his face, like a gas mask and breathes

heavily. The man looks at him - but doesn't give a damn

BEAN now takes a paper bag - catches some of the smoke, and take it

over and empties it into the dust bin.

The Grand Man goes on smoking stubbornly. He then sees a magazine rack

and leaves his cigar as he goes to get one.

13

DAVID:

Sounds like a real coup, sir... getting this Doctor of ...

GRIERSON:

Various things. Thank you. However, as you know, this is not an

inexpensive venture, and, financially speaking, we're in very serious

crap right now.

He can't quite hide his tackiness.) DAVID holds the door for GRIERSON -

then sees an old woman coming towards him. He waits for her to go

through, and due to his sweetness, is again left behind. He rushes to

catch up.

They are now passing the reception counter cum gallery shop. DAVID

exchanges smiles with the cashier, ANNIE. Very bubbly, not very

bright. The shop is full of Whistler's Mother memorabilia - posters,

cards, porcelain statuettes.

GRIERSON:

So ... I'm wondering if one of you would have this guy stay in your

home instead of some expensive hotel.

BERNIE:

Love to, sir, but no can do. No spare room. Period.

GRIERSON:

David?

DAVID:

Oh, look, I mean, it's kind of the last thing... I mean, I'd really

like to, but... things at home are kind of sensitive, so I couldn't

really er ...

GRIERSON:

I thought perhaps as Vice-President, and in view of the unfortunate

attendance's for the summer show this year... the MASSIVE financial

LOSS ...

DAVID:

on the other hand ... maybe a breath of fresh air is just what my

family needs ... Yes. Great news. Fabulous. Triumphant. Course it

might need a little smoothing over. When's he due?

GRIERSON hands DAVID a piece of paper.

GRIERSON:

Tomorrow. You have a problem with that?

PAUSE:

DAVID:

No. Perfect. Looking forward to it.

CUT TO:

INT. LONDON . PHOTO BOOTH. DAY.

The camera faces Mr BEAN sitting in a Photo booth. His face is totally

impassive for 1, 2, then 3 flashes. And then, just before the 4th

flash, he pulls the biggest, maddest face you've ever seen. Flash! He

gives a little

Satisfied giggle.

CUT TO:

EXT. THE LEARY HOUSE - DAY

7 p.m. California time. A pleasant suburban house. DAVID's car pulls

into the drive. JENNIFER, his slightly Gothic 16 year old daughter, is

kissing BRAD, her scruffy boyfriend. He sits astride a motor scooter.

He has a bum-fluff moustache.

DAVID gets out of his car and approaches them.

DAVID:

Hi, Jennifer. How was school? (she doesn't break the kiss with Brad)

oh really? That's good, great. Fantastic. We'll talk some more.

The two continue kissing as DAVID moves on. He's just about to head

for the house when a swish convertible draws up at the curb. DAVID's

wife, ALISON, has been given a lift home by her young attractive boss,

CHARLES. They are laughing in the car as DAVID walks up.

15

He is slightly disturbed to see ALISON kiss CHARLES on the cheek before

getting out with her port folio. CHARLES smiles pleasantly on seeing

DAVID.

CHARLES:

Hello, David.

DAVID:

Hi, Charles. (To Alison) Wow - late!

ALISON:

(brightly)

I had to do some last minute stuff.

CHARLES:

My fault. We've got a heavy load on at present. How about you,

gallery going well?

DAVID:

Ahm, well, you know ~ that's a tough question - on one' level I think

it ....

ALISON:

Don't ask him about work, Charlie. Life's too short.

Alison is the same age as DAVID, but seems to have lasted the course

better - she's confident, in good shape. The atmosphere is awkward.

JENNIFER screams out. Her 8 year old brother, KEVIN has sprung from

the shrubbery and lassoed her and BRAD. ALISON goes over to sort them

out.

ALISON:

Kevin! You stop that right now!

CHARLES:

Great kids. Good looking too.

DAVID:

You think so? Well I 'spose they're pretty, you know... okay, looks-

wise.

CHARLES:

Take after their mother, huh?

DAVID:

Ah ... absolutely.

DAVID is not very happy here.

16

CUT TO:

INT. THE LEARY HOUSE. KITCHEN - DAY

It is open plan and leads through into the lounge. DAVID and ALISON

enter. ALISON puts her port folio on the table and leads DAVID onto a

sofa. She puts her arms round him.

ALISON:

Let's take a break, David. This weekend, why don't we just get into

the car and drive to the coast. Find a motel. Like before the kids

were born. Go to a fairground. Win me another Bambi.

She reaches across and picks up a little ceramic Bambi on a table next

to the couch.

ALISON:

Jennifer can stay and look after Kevin

DAVID:

Sounds great. Excellent. Though-, Ahm... there's this guy who's

coming to work at the Gallery, from England...

ALISON:

(SUSPICIOUSLY)

Yeeees?

DAVID:

And they asked me if we'd like to ... you know... put him up for a

while.

ALISON:

There aren't hotels?

DAVID:

Yes, there are hotels. They just thought maybe it'd be nice for him to

stay with a real American family. Popcorn, waffles, all that stuff.

ALISON:

(POINTEDLY)

And what did you say?

DAVID:

I said I'd check with you.

She looks at him piercingly. This clearly happens a lot. She knows

when he's telling the truth. Pause.

DAVID:

Then I said 'yes'.

She puts Bambi carefully back on the table, gets up and moves to the

kitchen. DAVID follows.

ALISON:

Do we know anything about him?

DAVID:

Ahm - he's male. He's English. He's a doctor of er ... at least 2

things. I think they would have mentioned if he was a blind dwarf. Or

one of those guys who kills lots of people all the time. I think we're

looking at someone moderately normal here.

ALISON:

David - are you ever going to learn to say 'no'?

DAVID:

Yes. Yes. (pause) Sometime.

She shakes her head.

ALISON:

It's the last thing we need.

DAVID:

That's exactly what I said ... before I said - Great, it's a

sensational idea."

He knows he's made a mess here. Enter KEVIN, their smart young son,

strolling through.

KEVIN:

Hiya Dad ~ I'll need you upstairs for homework in about .... (checks

watch) oh, 20 minutes.

DAVID:

Great, good.

And KEVIN exits.

18

DAVID:

Didn't kids do their own homework, like way back? Years ago? No.

Course not. Just imagining it.

ALISON isn't really listening. Much tension.

CUT TO:

EXT. MR. BEAN'S BED-SIT - NIGHT

9.30 p.m. U.K. time. A black London taxi is parked outside a terraced

house with its motor idling. Its driver looks fed up waiting. BEAN

appears at a downstairs window, motioning to his watch that he will not

be long.

CUT TO:

INT. MR. BEAN'S BED-SIT - DAY

MR. BEAN is ready to leave his room. Battered old

suitcase in hand, he checks the room from the doorway.

Every conceivable thing that can be opened - cupboards,

drawers, fridge -sports an oversized padlock. Even

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