Bean Page #6

JENNIFER glares at him. A tired ALISON has had enough of this waiting

already.

ALISON:

Bed sounds good though. Bed sounds great.

CUT TO:

INT. AMERICAN AIRPORT. CONVEYER - NIGHT

BEAN, is off the plane. REYNOLDS strides ahead of him, a huge wet

patch in a semi-circle around his neck. BEAN comes to a moving

walkways. He steps on to it sheepishly, thinking it's very daring and

brave, gripping the handrail as though he was travelling at 100 mph.

But soon he gains greater confidence. He stands up straight, both

hands off the rail. There are a couple of COPS leaning against a wall,

chatting. BEAN notices their guns. Slipping into role-play mode, he

reaches into his breast pocket, ready to bring out his imaginary

shooter ... The last security guard he tried this with just yawned ~ so

BEAN thinks it's safe. But this time, the COPS turn and stare at him

tensely..

Flustered by their interest in him, BEAN needs to get away. He turns,

but finds that he is walking in the opposite direction, on the spot.

The COPS read this as suspicious behaviour and move towards him

suspiciously. BEAN turns to gets himself going in the right direction.

The COPS follow. BEAN runs. The COPS give chase.

CUT TO:

24

INT. 'AMERICAN AIRPORT. ARRIVALS - NIGHT

A little BALD MAN arrives at the barrier. The three red wigged clones

from the musical, 'Annie' swamp him with shrieks and kisses. The

LEARYS are getting impatient.

KEVIN:

(bored )

Who do you think is the ugliest guy who ever lived.

DAVID:

Well, Michael Bolton's pretty grisly.

KEVIN:

I vote for Bart.

JENNIFER:

Shut up, Kevin.

KEVIN:

NO, seriously - I know he's your boyfriend, but there's something about

his upper lip that is so weird. What do you think it is, Dad? Jen

says it's a moustache, I say it's a cluster of about 11 mosquitoes,

resting.

JENNIFER:

You know the thing I hate most about children?

KEVIN:

Nope.

JENNIFER:

You.

CUT TO:

INT. AMERICAN AIRPORT. CORRIDOR - NIGHT

BEAN is running down the busy corridor with the two COPS in pursuit.

They draw their guns. Two more COPS appear,

coming from the opposite direction. BEAN is trapped. He drops his

case.

COP 1

Police! Stop or we shoot!

25

Passers-by scream and throw themselves to the floor. BEAN freezes on

the spot, terrified. All four COPS have their guns trained on him in

the shooting position.

COP 1

Carefully take out your weapon, holding the butt with two fingers only.

Slowly place it on the floor and take three paces back!

Dead slowly, BEAN puts his hand into his inside jacket pocket and

brings it back out made in the shape of a gun. He slowly transfers

that imaginary item to the finger and thumb of his left hand. He bends

down and places it on the floor then takes three paces back. He gives

out a big breath after the effort of it all. The COPS just stare at

him, gob-smacked.

Little OLD LADY from plane steers up from nowhere. She rattles her box

of broken china and kicks BEAN in the shins. Things are not going his

way.

CUT TO:

INT. AMERICAN AIRPORT. POLICE INTERVIEW ROOM - NIGHT

Bright and clinical. Close on BEAN sitting behind a table; a very

small man in very big trouble. Behind him, two uniformed COPS stand

guard. A large, black plain clothes detective sits opposite, smoking a

cigarette. This is BRUTUS. He studies BEAN's passport photo. It's

the baboon face. He holds it up to bean's face to make a comparison.

BEAN pulls the face to match the photo.

BRUTUS:

Mr. Bean. Are you presently on any kind of medication at all?

BEAN thinks deeply for a moment then shakes his head.

BRUTUS:

You could certainly use some.

CUT TO:

INT. AMERICAN AIRPORT. ARRIVALS - NIGHT

ALISON, JENNIFER and KEVIN are slumped in seats near the barrier.

DAVID walks up.

ALISON:

What did they say?

26

DAVID:

Well, they're kind of busy but it doesn't look like ...

ALISON:

Did you really ask?

DAVID:

I'm not sure I got the right person but they were a bit busy ...

ALISON:

What's wrong with you, David? All you have to do is say, Excuse me,

I've been sitting here since the start of the Millennium and I'd really

like some action from you before the end of the world. I'll go.

DAVID:

No, no. I'11 try again ...

ALISON:

I said, I'11 go.

She goes. KEVIN shakes his head disappointedly al,-- his father.

DAVID slumps down on the seat. He overhears JENNIFER flirting with an

incredibly undesirable bloke in a leather jacket - white, with Rasta

hair extensions, and about sixty rings in his nose. (This is STINGO).

JENNIFER:

So. where do your parents live?

STINGO:

My parents are dead.

DAVID is pretty confident that he knows who killed them.

JENNIFER:

Yeah, so are mine.

CUT TO:

EXT. AMERICAN AIRPORT. TAXI RANK. NIGHT

COP 1 puts BEAN in the back of a taxi with his case. He

takes some dollar notes from his own wallet and hands them to the

driver.

27

COP 1

Just get him the hell out of here, will ya?

He slams the door and the taxi drives away.

CUT TO:

INT. AMERICAN AIRPORT-. ARRIVALS - NIGHT

The LEARYS are all asleep in eccentric positions on the seats.

JENNIFER's head is resting on STINGO's leg. Kevin's cardboard sign

with 'MR. BEAN, written on it falls from his lap to the floor.

CUT TO:

EXT. THE LEARY HOUSE - NIGHT

The taxi draws up outside the house. BEAN gets out with his case. The

CAB DRIVER is strangely friendly.

CAB DRIVER:

Thanks man, I can't tell you how much I appreciate talking to ya. In

this job you get so many jerks spilling their guts all over ya, with

their stupid problems ... But you, you're a great listener, ya know

that?

BEAN smiles politely. Taxi drives away. BEAN walks up to' the front

porch, checks the house number on his piece of paper and presses the

doorbell. No answer. Presses again. Still no answer ... Now where

have they hidden the key. He inspects things carefully.

The camera sees what he sees ... the doormat, the flowerpot, the

window-ledge ... and then he spots a little stone frog. BEAN smiles.

Key hiding is something he knows about - and people are pathetically

obvious about it. BEAN picks up the FROG to reveal the front door key.

It glints in the porch-light.

CUT TO:

INT. THE LEARY HOUSE. HALLWAY - NIGHT

BEAN lets himself in. The pre-alarm buzzer goes off quietly. He has

15 seconds before the alarm goes off proper. He strolls confidently to

where the alarm control unit obviously is ... under the stairs.

28

Close-up of flashing L.E.D. Again, BEAN looks carefully and finds the

magnetic box, housing a little key, attached to the underside of the

console. Just as the alarm goes off, for the splittest of a

secondette, he turns the key in its slot ... and is safe.

BEAN finds the switch and turns on the hall light. He switches it off

again ... then on. Then rapidly clicks it on and off repeatedly.Fun.

CUT TO:

EXT. THE LEARY HOUSE - NIGHT

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