Bearcity

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Ty?

Oh I was a naughty boy this year!

Holy sh*t!

Ho Ho Ho!

Hey, Ho!

What the hell are you doing there?

Waking your ass is up. You got the

audition I wanted but didn't get,

so f*** if I'm gonna let you sleep

through it.

Oh sh*t!

End of a sublet, end of an era.

I know, right.

Are you guys here for callbacks?

Yeah. Yeah.

Oh cool, thanks.

Hi, how's it going? Umm. Tyler Hall.

I should have a 10:30am audition?

Ooh hunny, you are late!

Come around here.

sorry.

Tyler Hall is here.

Tyler Hall is at 10:30. I dunn-

I know he's late but he's fine.

Hi Tyler. I'm Amy Lynn,

the casting director.

Have you had a chance to

look over the sides?

Yeah, I'm off book.

Fabulous. I'll be reading with you. In

a moment we'll have you slate for the

camera with your name and phone

number and we'll get started

whenever you're ready.

Fred?

We all set there?

Um, yeah. Yup, we are all set.

Great!

Ok.

Tyler Hall, 212-555-9532.

Hey, Ty!

How'd it go?

What the hell are you two doing?

He's trying to button my new jeans

from Barney's sample sale.

Why don't you just buy

clothes that fit?

You're not going to get anyone's

attention with clothes that fit.

We're getting ready for Tea at G.

Hey, I rhymed!

Hey! Walt Witless.

Come with us, it's going to be hotness

over there, all picante and sh*t.

Hallelujah, Mary, success. Don't

you dare unbutton these.

Don't worry, they're not coming off

until they need to ... like an hour.

Ty! Come out with us for a twirl!

Thank you but I'm going to pass.

I'm going to go get some sleep.

sleep when you're dead! Or, like, 25.

Good night queens.

Oh no she didn't.. Oh yes she did.

OK, Ty, I'll be back later! I'm taking

out the trash with me!

B*tch!

see you later Ty!

Have fun.

(Bear Growl)

(Men Moaning)

Ty?

Ty?!

sh*t.

Ty! Bring your ass out here!

simon, you seem to have this inability

to knock before entering.

Whatever, you have to see the two

hotties Cory and I just brought back!

They're actual Abercrombie models -

Mormons from sandy, Utah, and they're

going to show us their magical

underwear!

No, I have plans.

What plans could you possibly have

that would be better than Big Love?

Hey, there's a bear on your shirt.

son, there's a bear in my shirt.

Go on kid. We don't bite.

Hey. Member or non?

Um, non.

That'll be eight dollars.

I'll get that.

No, it's ok. I got it.

You can get the first drink.

The drinks are free.

I meant at breakfast.

Wow, NYC-style romance! Ok, um..

Do I get a name, too?

Greg. Greg styles.

Tyler Hall.

Tyler. You look like a Tyler. Bet

you taste like a Tyler, too.

Hey Tyler! I'm so glad you made it.

Uh, hey!

Thanks for the warm welcome, Greg,

as always. We gotta go.

Trust me. You don't want to know that

one. He's got a partner. And a trick.

And a trick. And a trick. sensing a

pattern here?

Yeah, sure. He's Hairy F***ing Potter.

Weasel-y, actually. You're funny.

Thanks. Improv class did me wonders.

Clearly. You were really good today.

Hey boys, what're you drinking?

Two beers, please.

You uh.. You think they liked me?

sh*t, I'd cast you. But I'm just a

cameraman, not much of a director.

C'mon. Let me introduce you

to my entourage.

Hey guys. This is Tyler.

Hi, I'm Michael...

... and this is my boyfriend, Carlos.

Hey, what's up man?

And this is my huzbear, Brent.

Aww, huzbear? Oh, that's.. alright.

Uh, there's a term for everything

in this scene.

Hey Michael, hey baby, looking good.

Hey! Don't squeeze the Charmin,

papa! Ok?

see?! see what I have to deal

with all the time.

It's ok, it's ok.

Tyler, so how do you know Fred?

We met at the auditions today -

the kid's a future star.

Ahh.. shia LaCub.

Anyone? No?

Hardly, I'm studying acting and hoping

to turn that into an actual paying

career. Maybe landing a sex scene with

Kevin James while I'm at it.

Well, this is the town where

careers are made, my boy!

And deals with horny producers.

Hey! Let's go guys. I am getting

mauled back here, come on.

Randy, thank God. I was worried.

I thought you got lost.

One more for my friend, Tyler here.

Uhh, who ordered the Bear Claws?

strawberry shortcake over here.

What's a Bear Claw?

Oh dude, you'll love it.

Uh, to New York!

Ah yes, cheers.

Oh god!

Damn.

Uhh! That'll put some

hair on your chest!

I'll put some hair on your chest, boy.

Hey Randy, I think you

overshot over here.

You wish... that one's for Roger.

Oh, where is Roger?

Hey, what's BEARCITY?

Do you know that book by Dante about

the circle of hell and infernos?

Oh I'm sorry, have you met jaded?

What? I'll show you jaded.

Oh yeah? Please, do show me jaded.

- Alright...

- Lay it on me.

Woof!

Woof!

It's this bear weekend at the end of

the summer. You know, bar-hopping,

bed-hopping, sweaty shirtless hairy

men dancing... it's awesome.

I've actually never been to a bear

event before. But, well.. Any bear

event before whatsoever since tonight

if that's not already obvious...

Well, then you're definitely coming

with us. It's like a summer camp

reunion with all the guys you haven't

seen in months.

And like a parade of the proud studs

that finally made it into Roger's

playroom this year.

Damn, who is this Roger already?

''Damn'' is usually what most people

say when they see him.

Ehh. He's not that hot.

He's like that hot daddy you

see with their kids,

that you just want to pounce on.

stroller meat.

Yes, exactly! And he just won Mr. New

York Daddybear this year.

sash queen!

What is wrong with you?

Well, Michael and Carlos went home to

cuddle. so, I suggest we follow suit.

They're cute, do they.. uh.. do they

''play well with others?''

No, no. Those two are like lesbians,

just without the drum circles.

Well so are we, that's what we are..

OK, for the record..

..no more Bear Claws for the

lightweight who stole my heart.

Of course we're monogamous, baby.

Ohh, oh. Gotta put the ad on

the bulletin board.

Oh, yeah. sh*t, I almost forgot.

What's the ad for?

We have a two bedroom, we

rent out the extra bedroom.

We lost our friend Tony to a big

red-headed bear from Texas.

Yeah, Texas-sized, as they say. Why?

You lookin' for a place?

Last call boys! Drink 'em up.

He's fine.

I understand that.

Besides you ought to take it as a

compliment. Come here.

I ain't with him, I'm with you.

I know. I know. Oh baby,

how's your knee?

Better. You want me to

get down on 'em.

Oh gordito, I just love you so much.

I love you too, Carlito. Oh, how was

softball?

I'm so sorry I missed the game.

Oh it was fine. It wasn't the same

with out my cheering section though.

I'm your whole cheering section?

You're my whole world.

You're so sweet.

seriously. I'm sorry about getting

jealous. It's just guys like that,

I know what they see.

No, I mean it. Gordito I look at you

and I see you and I see how beautiful

you are. Inside and out.

I better see the inside out of this

shirt at the foot of my bed

in about 40 seconds.

Ok.

Oh, I love when you do that.

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