Bearcity Page #2

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Oh! Wait, wait, wait. These are the

interviews for next week.

Dammit. Just gimme a minute.

I'm sorry.

It's ok. Take your time.

I haven't been without a job since I

was 18 and comparatively sprightly.

You're gonna find work baby, ok.

Just calm down, you are.

That's easy for you to say. Talk to me

again in

Oh yeah... you're really turning

me on now.

Oh, stop kidding around.

Carlos, I think I'm going to

have the surgery.

so you're going to get your

stomach stapled?

They don't staple it anymore, they use

a rubber band, a lap band it's called.

I knew you wouldn't understand.

Of course I don't understand, gordito!

Ok, cause that kind of treatment is

for people with health problems. Not

self-worth problems.

Carlos, I need a job.

And what? What you think that being

f***ing thin is going to somehow make

you magically employable?

I think you need to go to

your apartment tonight.

Gordito, please don't do this.

Come on.

Just go.

Was he understanding

when you told him?

I mean, simon doesn't really listen as

much as he just waits for you to stop

talking so that he can start.

Oh, I f***ing hate people like that.

I know but he was.. I don't blame him,

he was pissed you know.

Yeah.

We were supposed to be moving into

this two-bedroom apartment with him

and this twink. I could not picture

myself spending another yearjerking

off to bear porn because I'm too

afraid to bring a real guy home. Plus

when you're in Chelsea, if your waist

size is over 36 the Chelsea police

turn your ass around at 23rd street

and send you packing back to Hell's

Kitchen.

Isn't Hell's Kitchen getting just as

bad. Aren't they calling it Helsea?

Oh, watch the curb.

Oh sh*t.

It's not tough enough, It's like

admitting that you..

Oh, sh*t. I'm sorry dude.

...admitting that you know you like

bears is like is like coming out of

the closet twice.

I know. It's one thing to say you

think Brad Pitt's hot, but try saying

you want a mouthful of John Goodman.

Exactly. Like the other day I even had

a dream that I was having sex with a

guy in a santa Claus outfit and simon

walked in and caught us.

Ohh. Did he stuff your stocking?

Yes. santa comes more than once

a year in my dreams.

No joke, no joke. Michael's boyfriend

Carlos had a department store santa as

a fuckbuddy - hooked us up with a

thirty percent discount.

Wow. Friends with below retail

benefits. God, I love it!

Uh, I think I'm done. Umm. It's mostly

everything. so, I can take it from

here if you wanna head up.

OK, I'm going to wake up sleeping

booty and see if I can't get some...

All this fantasy talk has made me

kinda horny.

Me, too.

Hey! There's still some room!

Uhh. There's a few more things that

I umm..I'm sorry.

I uh.. just jokin'!

You have no idea. Truck stop was off

the hook. It was outrageous. They have

this huge, huge hot tub.

That's Ted and the glam bears.

Umm, glam bears... define.

Nay. They're actually muscle bears.

It's just what I call guys like that.

They make me feel insecure because

they have perfect bodies, perfect

boots, perfect beards and all that.

Woof.

Oh, barf.

Wow, uh jaded cappuccino with a

double shot of hate and despair.

You. Make that up all by yourself?

It's an original piece that

I'm working on.

Is it? Is it really?

No, but seriously, Brent. Thank you,

very much.

It's really appreciated,

I need this job.

Oh well, the job sucks. Don't worry

about that,

but the eye candy is compensation.

I'll say - hard candy by

the looks of it.

Oh, no, no, that's Robbie. We call her

Ruby because of the slippers that will

fall out her mouth when she speaks.

Hey, lover!

Girl!

Hunny, you look fabulous. Do a little

twirl, so I can take a look at ya!

Uh huh. Like the wig?

Uh..

Can I have a search party sent out for

the hard-on that I just lost?

Harsh.

That was rough, right?

It was mean and not funny. Well..

Can I get some service over here?

shut up, you polar bear! I'm going to

go tend to her

before she goes extinct.

Hey Roger. What's up?

How you doin?

Good, man. How you' doing?

What's up?

Look who it is.

What's up babe?

Oh la la.

Oh hey baby.

When am I gonna get a piece of that?

Look at that bod.

Coffeehouse Massacre. Film at 1 1.

This thing hates me.

It hates me too, that's why I stay on

this side of the counter.

Can I get a Black-Eye?

Left hook or right hook?

It's a coffee with two

shots of espresso.

Oh, gotcha. Just thought maybe that's

how they did it here

at the leather bars. I'm new.

And I'm used. Keep the change.

There they are. Gentlemen.

surprise, surprise.

Tyra, Tyler. I'm going to take a

break, ok? Did you meet Roger?

Uh yeah. Not formally but he ordered

a busted lip or something.

Black-Eye?

Yeah.

sure. Good. Oh can I get an Iced

coffee and a Decaf Iced coffee for

Michael and a Latte for Fred. Thank

You!

Um. Contrary to the actor's cliche, I

still don't know how

to use any of this equipment.

Can't hear you, I'm on break.

Hi guys. Oh, Daddy's home. so put your

toys away or

I'm going to have to confiscate them.

You're so mean.

Actually, I think Daddy brought some

toys of his own for show and tell.

What'd I miss?

We were just pondering the

hypothetical question of what it would

cost to get Roger to Nair his entire

body. A million bucks?

A million dollars tax-free so you

won't end up like Richard Hatch.

F*** no. My hair is my mating call.

Let's move on to letting the cat out

of the bag, shall we?

Hey, what are these?

Please tell me those are

metal chopsticks.

Well, they could be used on Chinese,

just not the food per se.

You know what those are?

Do you know what those are?

They ain't for knittin'.

It's a set of sounds.

A set of sounds.. alright, I give up.

What's a sound?

so glad you asked, Brent.

What are you doing?

Patience, my boy!

so, imagine, if you will, that this is

your cock and this is the hole.

Oh...

Breath, breath.

No..

Oh God, I get the sound part.

What is wrong with cuddling?

Oh, sh*t!

Tyler, what are you doing?

I'm sorry, I spilled the Evil Eye all

over myself when I saw the sounds.

Is this a cafe or a sex club?

You know what those are?

Yeah.

Is this the Tyler that just moved

in with you guys?

The same.

Tough first day kid. I'm Roger.

Hi, I'm humiliated. Nice to meet you.

Tyler, Tyler! I'll clean it.

I'll clean it, I will clean it.

You go in the back and put a shirt on

before you get raped.

That's one way to pick up business.

Hey!

At least they made her pretty.

Now don't be mean.

He's new to the scene.

Now that is so cute! You guys

got yourself an in-house chaser.

That'll spice things up a little bit.

We don't need no spicing up, Rachael

Ray, we're yummo as it is.

so, Michael, where's Carlos?

Guys... Umm, Carlos and I have decided

to take a little break.

What happened?

We just need time to reevaluate.

sweetie, I'm so sorry to hear that.

Me too. Me Too.

But right now I'm focused on

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