Bearcity Page #3

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getting a job by the Fall.

Now wait, do you need help

financially? F*** you b*tches.

Well you asked!

I'll be fine, I'll be fine. But I

ain't payin' for the coffee.

Oh this sh*t's free now.

Tyler that was amazing.

Dude, I am so sorry.

You're totally fired.

I'm just kidding. Here's an extra

small. I'm kidding, it's a large.

stop. Roger must think

I'm such a douche.

No, no, no. Don't' worry. We'll get

you up to speed. show you how to work

the tray, how to not drop things, work

with milk, not give anyone espresso

conjunctivitis. You don't know what

that is right?

It's bacterial infection.

Oh cool.

Do you think that Fred's cute?

Yeah, I mean I think you're

both adorable. Why?

No reason.

Hey! Is anyone working here?!

shut the f*** up Mary! Don't get

your panties in a bunch!

It's our four year anniversary

in two weeks..

Yes.

And I was just.. Oh yes, four.

Four! Four years baby and I was just

thinking about how ideal this is you

know? I never really believed in that

whole soulmate bullshit. It didn't

seem like anything that could actually

happen. But now I know it can.

Yay.

I love that we are so in sync with

each other, you know.

Me too.

We have our own language, we finish

each other's sentences.

We are impenetrable.

Do you think we should ''spice it up''

as Roger says?

Wait. Well, where did that

come from? Do you?

No, I'm perfectly happy

with our routine.

Oh my god, a routine.

Not routine, sweetheart. You

know what I meant.

No, I don't. Please define it for me,

in urban dictionary terms.

What?

Ok.

Well how long have you been

thinking about this?

About what?

My mother says if you say something

once you probably thought it twice.

Yeah, which is complete

bullshit.

You callin' my mother a liar?

I have a few choice adjectives if

you're asking. Don't, sweetheart. You

know I love your mother...can we leave

her out of this conversation, please?

Ok, so are there rules? This is

hypothetically speaking, of course.

Yeah, hypothetically speaking, we

would have to decide what we do and

don't want to do with other people.

Alright, like what Dennis and Peter

do. so.. 'No kissing.'

Oh..

You're in my ear. Oh...

that's it. What...

Ahh, is that.. gorgeous, that..

Well that is completely retarded. I

don't know how they make that work.

Ok.. stupid. Uhh.. Chris and.. What is

that thing they do, Chris and Andy?

Veto power.

Oh.. Yay!

Nay.

What are you blind?

- Nay.

- Yay.

- Nay.

- You didn't even look.

Whatever.

Nay..

But I hear he has a donkey dick.

Ok, that's got divorce written

all over it.

soooo..

''no f***ing?''

Yeah.

Yes. Ah, well that's the pickle,

isn't it?

Is it? It makes the most sense to me-

it's the most intimate, and its the

most risky.

I wish I had never brought this up.

Why?! Because of ''no f***ing''? Can't

figure out how to not f***?

sounds perfect in theory but the

ultimate question becomes not whether

you can live with it...

Oh baby....

...it's whether you can live up to it.

You ok?

F*** yeah.

Well I guess then it's just

like cheating.

Hmm. I think I have something

that you could live with.

Thanks for coming with me, Rodge.

It really means a lot to me.

Mick, shut up. I've known

you for how long?

On a Creationism or evolutionary

timeline?

Exactly, Methuselah.

Cruising the waiting room,

Roger? Really?

so, what happened yesterday that

prompted this little office visit?

Not that I'm complaining.

Can we focus on me for one

second, please?

Focusing.

It's not just yesterday, I've been

thinking about this

ever since I got laid off.

It's only been a couple of months.

Yeah, but every interview

goes the same way.

I'm sorry, Mr. McCarthy, but we're

looking for someone with a little more

energy who can really take on the

workload. And you seem qualified for

sure and if things expand around here

then I'll be sure to give you a call.

I know you can't say it openly because

of equal opportunity laws, but you're

right, my big fat ass probably would

crush a lot of your fancy, expensive

chairs.

I'm sorry?

And there was one other thing I

forgot to put on my resume. Bing!

Do you always go ''And Justice

For All'' on them?

No, just yesterday.

Mr. McCarthy?

Yes. Here. C'mon.

I'm Roger.

I'm Paul.

Hey, Paul.

Roger?!

Daddy's testy.

I know the feeling.

sorry.

stop it! Oh my God, Rodge.

Put the organ back.

Mick, I don't know about this.

It looks worse than it is. Michael?

Yes.

Roger.

This procedure was regarded as a last

resort for the highest risk

individuals, people whose health and

lives were in absolute jeopardy, but

now exists within the elective

category.

How long would it take for me

to visibly lose weight?

You'd be shopping for a new

belt within a week.

That's amazing.

Yes, it's exciting. You'll be amazed

at how it will impact your life.

That's what I'm counting on, doc.

OK, wait. Can we talk about side

effects, risks, how does this work?

Top line, we make five small incisions

in the patient's stomach.

And then we use those incision points

to place, essentially, a rubber band

around the patient's stomach.

Mick, are you crazy?

Just listen.

It sounds worse than it is.

Yeah, you keep saying that.

I urge you to read this. It answers

common questions that people have. I

assure you, your partner will be in

good hands.

Well, just reassure me, doc - will

my partner still be able to guzzle?

Thanks for coming and bringing

your caring nature.

I just want you to be happy.

I know. I just wish Carlos was

understanding. Instead, he told me

he didn't sign up for a thin guy.

Well he's right.

What?

Carlos didn't settle for your body,

Michael, he's attracted to it. That's

how this whole community got started

in the first place.

Can we not do the whole bear

community rah-rah discussion, please?

Fine. Just think about it a little

before you totally write him off.

I will.

Good.

I will!

Yes!

Impressive.

Me? Your shoes match your bag.

Well, intimidation is half

the game my boy.

Really, it's refreshing to see

a young man like you into the sport.

I used to play on a father-son league

when I was a kid out in Philadelphia,

used to get a dollar for every strike.

But I.. But, what about you?

same, same. I played with my father as

a boy as well, back in the quarter per

strike days. I'm in the Bear League in

an hour. You should think about

joining. You're not half-bad.

Half-bad? Ok, I hope you have a roll

of dollar bills in your pocket, daddy.

Don't you worry about

what's in my pocket,

just reset the board and

grab your ankles, kid!

Well, Rog, It looks like I'm just one

strike away from kicking your ass.

As long as you don't choke.

Choke? Ha! You wish, grandpa!

You're doing an awful lot of talking,

I see Grandma's teeth in your future.

Oh really, do you? Ok well

get ready for the splasher!

splasher?

Oh sh*t.

Ouch, oh the dreaded bedposts.

Well Tyler, you know what,

the good news is,

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