Beautiful Girls Page #5

Oh, I feel faint!

My hero.

So you gonna marry that girl in NYC?

I don't know. Why?

- I don't think you should.

- How come?

You should wait until

you meet someone who excites you.

Well, she may not be out there.

It's like the Wizard of Oz.

It was in your own backyard.

What do you mean?

You. Me and you.

- Really?

- Yep. You don't think?

Well, we have a little age problem.

I know. We're as star-crossed

as Romeo and Juliet.

It's a tragedy

of Elizabethan proportions.

"What light

through yonder window breaks?

"Tis the east

and Juliet is the sun."

- Weird.

- No way.

So, um... So what do we do?

Alas, poor Romeo, we can't do diddly.

You'll go to penitentiary,

I'll be the laughing stock

of the Brownies.

But if your feelings for me are true,

you'll wait.

Wait?

Yep. Wait 5 years.

I'll be 18 and we can walk

through this world together.

- In 5 years you won't remember me.

- William.

I'm formed and you're not.

You have changes to go through.

You'll change.

And I'll be Winnie The Pooh

to your Christopher Robin.

No literary reference left unturned.

How do you figure Pooh?

Christopher Robin outgrew Pooh.

That's how it ended.

He had Pooh when he was a child.

When he matured,

he didn't need him any more.

That's the saddest thing

I ever heard.

Yeah, but it's true.

You don't realise it now,

but you'll be doing some changing.

And...

I can't be a Pooh.

- I think I'll skate away now, Pooh.

- All right, Christopher.

- Hey, Earl.

- Hey, good one!

Sit down here. It's a better view.

So, where are your buddies?

- Huh?

- Your buddies?

Oh, they're gonna be late.

Hi. A bottle

of your best champagne, please.

We don't have a best champagne.

They're all the same.

Thank you. That'll be fine.

You really look nice.

- What is going on?

- What do you mean?

- What are you doing?

- What?

- What's with this Al Capone sh*t?

- What Al Capone sh*t?

Who's the girl?

- What girl?

- That girl right over there.

She's... She's my book-keeper.

- Your book-keeper?

- Yes.

- You are full of sh*t.

- She's very efficient, that girl.

Paul, I'm gonna get up and make

the biggest scene you can imagine.

She's my cousin. We fell out

and we don't speak in public.

- Bye, Paul. I'm leaving.

- All right, all right.

She's my ex-girlfriend.

We broke up after seven years

because she's seeing

that meat cutter over there.

It drives me crazy, OK? And...

I was just showing off.

Why didn't you just tell me?

Just please don't make a scene.

Oh, we'll make a scene.

You don't need this.

Who is that?

- It's Paul.

- No sh*t.

- Who's the babe?

- I don't know.

She's gorgeous.

Well, not gorgeous like you.

- Gorgeous just the same.

- Can we leave?

Sure.

F***!

- Andera, where you goin'?

- Home.

- Why?

- That was for you.

I was trying to help you out.

You're such a knucklehead.

- Come back inside.

- Bye, Paul.

- Andera...

- Bye, Paul.

- Come on.

- Bye, Paul.

I'll call you tomorrow, all right?

- She likes fresh air, you know?

- Sure.

Hey, what you doin' out so late?

I was out with your friend Paul.

He's not my friend,

he lives in my house.

I got roaches,

I got termites and I got Paul.

- You need a lift?

- No.

It's nice to be able

to walk after dark.

Yeah, it's one of the few perks

of living here.

It's a good one.

Can I ask a question? How long have

you been with your boyfriend?

- Eight months.

- And it's good?

It's very good.

He makes you happy?

Yeah.

I look for that in a man. The ones

who make me miserable never last.

Right.

There's four words I need to hear

before I go to sleep. Four words.

Good night, sweet girl.

That's all it takes.

I'm easy, I know.

But a guy who can muster up those

words is a guy I'll stay with.

Right. You sure

you don't need a ride?

- Yeah.

- All right.

- See you around.

- I'll see you.

Good night, sweet girl.

I spoke to Jan this morning

and it's obvious she no longer cares.

She ran out of that restaurant

like a maniac, but I guess later,

she realised she didn't give a sh*t.

Yeah?

I spoke to Tracy.

She's coming up for the reunion.

Is that right?

I gotta meet this Tracy.

- You got to take this sh*t down.

- Why?

- You're like a serial killer.

- Don't cap on my supermodels.

- Leave it alone.

- It's creepy.

Look who's talking,

Mr Jerry Lee Lewis.

Oh, f***ing Mo!

I don't judge. If she can cut

her own food, she's fair game.

OK. All I'm saying is you got to take

all this down because it's creepy...

Look. The supermodel's a beautiful

girl, Will. She can make you dizzy,

like you've been drinking

Jack all morning.

She can make you feel high for

the greatest commodity known to man -

promise, the promise of a better day,

the promise of a greater hope,

the promise of a new tomorrow.

This particular ore can be found

in the gait of a beautiful girl -

in her smile, in her soul,

in the way she makes every rotten

thing about life seem OK.

The supermodels, Willie? That's all

they are - bottled promise.

Scenes from a new day,

hope in stiletto heels.

I am now going to

check your freezer for human heads.

A beautiful girl's all-powerful

and that is as good as love.

That's as good as love.

It's...

just that I gotta think

beyond a couple times a week.

I feel like

the biggest scumbag on earth

every time

I see your kid smiling at me.

Look, Mommy.

That's nice, honey.

It's ridiculous.

It's making me nuts.

It's making you nuts.

Sharon, Steven...

I have worked it

so that he has no idea.

That's cos I don't show up

at your parties drunk.

- Sharon knew way before then.

- Maybe Steve doesn't give a sh*t.

Tommy, don't try to characterise

my marriage as a bad one.

- I love Steven.

- So why are you f***ing me?

I don't know.

But I guess I won't be any more.

No. I guess not.

I wonder how I'll survive.

Oh, please!

I told Steven

the reunion would be a total bore.

And I assume Sharon

won't be accompanying you, right?

No, you've taken care of that.

- Mom.

- What?

OK, sweetie. Come on.

We'll go home, OK?

All right, put the other arm in.

OK. Very good.

Look. It'll be great.

We'll be there alone.

It'll be just like the old days.

And we'll see if you really

just broke up with me or not.

Let's go, honey.

Hey.

How you doin'?

Want some wine to warm you up?

Sure.

Thanks, Stan.

That was nice. Really nice.

Less intense and emotionally

possessed than normal,

but no less effective because

of its pointless colouration.

Excuse me?

My teacher's exact comment after

my first recital - Rhapsody In Blue.

When in doubt, go Gershwin.

You drunk?

I don't know

but you both look beautiful.

So why the sad face?

Job requirement.

Happy piano players work the circus.

I think you Knight's Ridge boys

take the ladies way too seriously.

Only until baseball season starts.

Pitchers and catchers report in

two months, three weeks and six days.

- Wanna go home with me?

- No.

OK, I had to ask. To be honest,

I don't find you at all attractive.

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