Beauty Shop Page #5

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back to work. Come on, now.

Hotlanta. Helen be talkin'

to ya standin' up.

'Cause I just went

and got me a bikini wax.

damn! That ain't natural.

Doin' that torture to yourself!

What's the big deal

'bout some stray hair?

You be doin' it to look

all clean for your man.

But it hurts so damn much. You don't

want him comin' nowhere hear it!

Man, Gina, you can make

some serious bling,

you start doin' some waxes

up in here, girl.

You like landscapin',

why don't you plant yourself a garden?

Please, honey. My man loves it.

I know that's right.

And it helps 'em

know where they goin'.

Girl, ain't nobody gonna come

over to your house if they can't find it.

Well, my man

found my door just fine.

That's a revolvin' door.

Okay, nasty heifers.

You know, real men

like a woman natural and wild!

Girl, please, you are preaching

to your damn self, honey.

My man likes it trimmed and perfect.

He even waxes his own brows.

Oh, girl, you got one

o' them cryin' men, don't you?

No. No, I don't.

You show me a man can't cry,

and I'll show you one

that's hittin' somebody.

I'm gonna let him cry.

I only got time for one cryin' man.

And in my house,

it better be the one wearin' the diapers.

Well, how about when you're

makin' mad, passionate love...

...and he reaches his climax,

and that one little tear

starts rollin' down his face

like Denzel Washington in Glory?

Then you got him whipped!

She had to say Denzel.

She couldn't have said Brad Pitt.

Hell, she coulda said Bozo the Clown.

Hey, darlin'!

How you doin'?

Bet you no good, darlin'.

Look at this!

Is that Italian marble?

Girl, who y'all got invested

up in here, Ted Turner?

Lord, Miss Rita got catfish dinner,

sock-it-to-me cake

and blueberry bean pie.

- What y'all want, darlings?

- Excuse me. Excuse me, Rita?

How you doin', darlin'?

Get in line, sweetheart.

Get in line?

I don't think you understand.

I'm Gina.

I'm the new owner of this place.

- And I'd appreciate...

- You the new owner?

I'm so glad

you the new owner, baby,

'cause, you know, Miss Angeline,

well, she used to skim off my fish dinners.

You know, she's a Christian,

but I think she La Cosa Nostra

Hold this for me.

Here, darlin', I'll always have

a plate of food for you, Gina.

That's free food.

You need a extra piece of monkey bread?

The monkey just jump right outta me.

I don't know what happens to her.

- And then lookit, we got the greens...

- Oh, you!

Yeah, you, there. Hey.

Could you go ahead and park my car,

and just let me tip you later, because...

Sh*t. Hold this for me.

Terri, how you doin'?

One second.

'Scuse me? Gimme them damn keys!

What's wrong with you?

Where'd the valet go?

He's... goin' to take a coffee break.

- What are you doin' around here?

- Look what Mindy at Jorge's did to me!

I look like a scarecrow!

You saved my hair, Gina.

Well, don't make me

have to save it again, girl.

I'm coming here.

Monkey bread?

It just come out of me like that.

- No, no, thank you.

- For sure?

I made it fresh this mornin'!

You gonna love it.

- I got some greens, some okra, knuckles.

- Rita, Rita.

You gonna love it.

She says she don't want none.

Okay, my bad. I'm just tryin'

to put a little fat on her.

- Take that with you, darlin'.

- No, I really shouldn't.

You see, Steven wants me

to lose a few pounds.

- Who is Steven?

- Her husband.

He wouldn't be singin' that song

if you had one of them

J. Lo/Beyonc booties.

Or if he had one o' those.

This is the picture

I was talkin' about...

Damn! Now, see,

that's just too much ass.

See, now, if a plane crash,

we could eat for days.

- That's all burger, right there.

- Enjoy the view?

- Take a picture.

- All right.

Look at these... Get yo' ass

out of my window 'fore I call the police!

This ain't Magic City!

Broke-asses!

- You see them pervs over there?

- You know, I really do miss Steven.

- Seems like he's been gone forever.

- He gone again?

Well, where's he off to this time,

Mr. Big-Time Sports Attorney?

Hawaii, three weeks.

He's closin' some big deal or somethin'.

He's tryin' to close a deal

on smackin' some Hawaiian ass.

Girl, he's down there

bein' a Don Ho.

- He tappin' on somethin'.

- Tappin'? What's tappin?

- Tappin', tappin', tappin'.

- No, Steven's not like that.

He, you know, he loves me.

He just works really hard.

I bet he do.

- I do want to look pretty for him, though.

- And you will.

I cannot believe that Jorge

passed me off on Mindy.

I mean, that shop is completely

out of control since you left.

- Well, good. That's what he gets.

- Sorry.

Speak o' the devil!

My angel, sweetness,

my God, I'm so sorry.

I heard about the mishap

with your hair,

and I want you to know

that Mindy has been released.

Sweetheart, don't worry about that.

Gina's taking care of me.

Gina who?

You know, Gina Gina.

- Say "hello," Gina.

- It's Gina, b*tch.

Bye, Jorge.

- That felt good!

- Yes, it did!

Can you get her

a free cappuccino, please?

- The devil is everywhere. It don't mean...

- Be nice!

I ain't talking to that woman.

So what you girls think

about that Janice Jackson?

Janet. Janet, baby.

Janet... Jackson.

She's crazy, huh?

- Why she gotta be crazy?

- Well, you know, with the titty and all that.

- What's wrong with the titty?

- No, I like...

You like titties?

No, I mean...

I don't know if I'm fittin' in here.

- Well, you just got here.

- Yeah, I know.

I know I just got here,

but I feel really, really...

white.

You feel really white

as opposed to what other color?

You know what I mean.

I'm not as hip as you guys are.

Don't get me wrong, I can handle

the girls, as lame as I think they are.

I can roll with the punches.

But the fact is, I've only

had one client since I got here,

and you gave her to me.

So... maybe I should just go.

Who should go

is that crazy-ass lady out there

hustlin' them bean pies

and monkey bread.

- Like she got Tourette's or somethin'.

- I don't know.

I ain't never seen

nobody do nothin' like that.

Got a twitch or somethin'.

No, Lynn, you fine.

You know,

like when I was at Jorge's.

Shoot. You think it wasn't hard

bein' the only "moniker" up in the shop?

But I stuck it out,

and people warmed up...

And eventually, it was like, blam!

I was doin' the damn thing.

And so will you.

Besides, you can't leave me

with these crazy people.

Girl, I knew you liked them greens!

You keep eatin' like that,

you gonna grow a big ol' Petey Pablo,

Lil Jon and the EastSide Boyz,

Ying Yang Twin booty!

Big booty just like Ida got.

You know, turnips did all o' that.

Girl, I knew you liked 'em.

- Thank you, Gina.

- No problem, girl.

- I got your back.

- Me, too.

All right.

- What?!

- I got hungry.

- They're good.

- I see.

The oppressor.

- Who?

- State Board.

I'm Gina. I'm the new owner.

Well, guess what, Gina-new-owner?

You have some major problems.

Inspector Crawford, State Board.

I have to cite you

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