Beauty Shop Page #8

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They should.

They really should.

Gina, I know a few corporate vendors

on the beauty supply side.

They're always lookin'

for the next big thing.

Well, hey, you know

I wanna be the next big thing.

Well, float me a few bottles,

I'll see what I can do.

Girl, I will float you a damn case.

Why you holdin' out, Gina?

Hook us up with some o' your hair crack.

It is not hair crack. It's conditioner.

Yeah, Gina, hook us up!

Either you got a bee sting

of the breasts

or you got some serious work

done to your bosom area.

I sure did and I love 'em.

Well, for $8,000 a pop,

you better love 'em.

Hold up, Heidi.

You paid 8,000

American dollars... per titty?

Yes, I did.

Girl, you coulda bought

yourself a Saturn with that.

Now, you see all this right here,

all this ludicrousness goin' on here?

Okay, this implant, plastic surgery stuff?

It's more of a white girl thing.

No, Chanel.

Black girls get it done, too.

I'm not sayin' we don't.

I'm just sayin', you know,

we don't get all crazy like y'all do.

You know, injecting your asses

in your lips is just nasty.

Girl, who you tellin'?

Now, I may get a couple

o' unruly back or chest hairs plucked,

other than that,

I just be chillin'. I don't...

What?

So, what I'm saying is,

you know, some folks, you know,

have to pay to look good,

while other are just born that way.

It's the Motherland, baby.

Well, which way were you born,

ass-backwards?

Because statements

like that just personifies your ignorance

as it pertains to the topic of beauty.

Excuse me? I know Botox Barbie

isn't tryin' to call me ignorant.

- I heard her say "your mama."

- Hey, calm down, hussies.

This ain't no remake

o' "Black Mama, White Mama"!

I throw the peace card on ya.

Thank you, Miss Josephine.

Come on, let's go get this hair done.

So you need to shampoo...

Does he ever leave that apartment?

That piano playin'

is gettin' on my nerves.

Which is why you

haven't patched up the ceiling yet.

Excuse you.

I've been busy, "mademoiselle."

Why don't you get your things together

so I can take you to church to practice?

Have you decided

what you wanna play for your recital yet?

Shoot.

I was just...

checkin' out your big... spear.

Sorry.

Would you like to join us?

Can you show me the intervals again?

Well, each chord progression

is three steps apart.

See? That's why

he called it "Giant Steps."

You won't hear anybody

playin' this at my recital.

- So what are you gonna play?

- I don't know.

- I'm all confused.

- What are you confused about?

Listen to your heart...

...and your fingers will follow.

So. This next song

goes out to all the finger-in-your-face.

Callin'- me- out -my- name heifers

You can get all up

in my face if you want to.

But don't get it twisted. Baby.

'Cause guess what?

Well, I'll take your man

right out the box

And put him

under my padlocks

So when you see us together

chillin' in the place

Cold walkin' and sportin' him

in your face

Go ahead, roll your eyes,

suck your teeth

Keep huffin' and puffin'

like a dog in heat

You know whassup

I ain't no poo-putt

'Cause Pepa kicks butt off

young bucks like you

And the rest of your crew

If moms want static

I'll diss her, too

So scram,

you know who I am

Damn, chick,

don't play me close

'Cause I'll take your m...

You know, I was just...

Takin' someone's man?

I'll take your man

So I'm not playin'

any Beethoven or Mozart.

Too overdone.

I'm thinkin' Coltrane or Monk.

Too overdone.

I'm thinkin' Coltrane or Monk.

Then again, some Miles

or Stevie Wonder. Maybe some...

Girl, go and play

with your little friend, please.

Clown.

Yo, whassup, V?

- Still shootin' behinds, huh?

- Yup.

The booty is the cornerstone

of all hip-hop videos today.

If it ain't shakin', it ain't sellin'.

Whatever.

Are you down for some Krispy Kreme?

I got the hook-up.

My play cousin, Howard,

works over there.

He got shrimp doughnuts.

He got buffalo doughnuts...

He got... big booty doughnuts.

No, you didn't.

I don't eat doughnuts

with boys who exploit women.

Well, how about a burger, then?

I don't want any of your shrimp burgers

or your buffalo burgers.

So, you and your two play cousins

can get to steppin'!

See, that's why I like older women.

There's one o' your men.

- I'll be right back.

- That's what you always say.

I don't know if she's a ho or not.

I ain't gon' say nothin'

'cause that's Gina's sister-in-law.

Hey, baby.

- Are you happy to see me?

- Hey, baby.

- You're so sweet.

- Thank you.

This is how sweet you are.

Oh, my good... Is that for me?

Oh, baby.

You and only... you.

So here's the plan.

Let's get outta here.

Go get a drink, listen to some music,

just chill out for the rest of the day.

- How's that sound?

- Baby, it sounds so good.

I wish I could, but I gotta work.

Baby, don't work the whole day away.

I'll bring you back.

I know, but you know what?

I've really gotta work, 'cause Gin...

I'm tryin' to get close to you.

Gina needs me, okay, baby?

Thank you.

I don't give a damn about no Gina!

Don't you ever grab me up like that!

You know how much money

I just spent on you?

- What the hell?

- Gina, you all right?

What's this goin' on?

Shut your rantin' ass

and get in my car, you hear me?

- Hell, no!

- D, you all right?

I know I just didn't see you

put yo' hands on that girl.

Take your ass back in there,

do some heads.

Don't be tellin' me

where to take my ass.

You take your ass

from the front of my shop!

- B*tch, get out of my f...

- B*tch?

I will burn yo' ass

with this damn curlin' iron.

- Careful with that.

- You're crazy, you fake-ass Avon!

But you need to keep

your hands to yourself.

- I'll be back.

- Don't try to call me some type of bi...

- What you? What you?

- What?

When you gonna do

some hair? What you?

- I'll burn yo' ass.

- Hold on, hold on, hold on.

- We got a problem here?

- No, we ain't got no problem here, man.

What you,

the mascot of the shop?

Take yo' foo-foo ass

back in there.

Go braid your eyebrows

or somethin', dawgs.

Check this out, dude.

Did you see that?

I hate violence.

See? That's what you get.

You come here talkin' all that stuff

and you got knocked out!

See, that's why you need to learn

how to respect women.

Now, see, Willie got it all on camera

and he sell 'em in the hood for 14.99!

Well, I'll be damned!

I'm gonna get him.

Remember me?

Oh, ja The shampooing girl.

So, how goes it

with the shampooing? Good?

The name is Lynn,

and I'm a stylist now, for your F.Y.I.

So?

So... yup.

Well, well, well,

you must be lost or somethin'.

Did you make a wrong turn

in your BMW?

No, actually, I took the "Yaguar,"

and it's good to see you, too, Gina.

He's in the "Yaguar."

Sorry, I thought

you were in the Beamer.

Anyway, what do you want?

Gina, I am Jorge.

I want for nothing.

I just came by to see the shop.

I was curious about the place

that's been stealing all of my best clients.

Now I see why.

It's very trendy.

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