Beavis and Butt-Head Do America Page #15

BORK:

(pointing)

THE PANTS!!! He's got the unit!

Suddenly all guns are on Anderson.

FLEMMING:

(through bullhorn)

Drop the pants! Now!

TOM:

Wait a minute. I ain't the one...

IN SLOW MOTION:

A S.W.A.T. TEAM GUY lunges at Tom, grabbing the pants.

Tom pulls away, causing the pants to RIP. THE UNIT GOES FLYING.

A FROZEN MOMENT. SLOW MOTION.

TIGHT ON THE UNIT.

TIGHT ON FACES IN THE CROWD.

TIGHT ON THE UNIT.

TIGHT ON FLEMMING.

TIGHT ON BUTT-HEAD, LAUGHING IN SLOW MOTION - OBLIVIOUS.

TIGHT ON THE UNIT, FALLING, FALLING.

IT HITS BUTT-HEAD'S HEAD, BOUNCES AND FALLS INTO HIS HANDS.

The agents all stare at Butt-Head - quiet, not sure what to do.

Butt-Head hands it to Flemming, nonchalant.

BUTT-HEAD

Uh, here ya go. Huh huh huh.

The crowd CHEERS.

ON ANDERSON'S CAMPER.

Tom is handcuffed roughly.

TOM:

Now wait just a minute...

An agent comes out of the camper with the picture of Dallas. Bork

grabs it and shows it to Tom.

BORK:

How do you explain this?

Flemming approaches Tom.

FLEMMING:

Sooo, using two innocent teenagers as

pawns in your sick game, huh?

TOM:

I don't know what the hell...

FLEMMING:

(disgusted)

Take him away.

Anderson is dragged away past a group of young, boy-scout types

who shake their heads in shame.

ANGLE ON Beavis and Butt-head being interviewed by a reporter.

Beavis is in his underwear. Tom is being dragged away in the

background.

BEAVIS:

I always thought there was something wrong

with him. Heh heh heh.

BUTT-HEAD

Yeah, he had a lot of problems. Huh huh

huh.

BEAVIS:

Yeah, and um, he used to hit me too.

BUTT-HEAD

(leaning towards camera)

Uh hey, does anyone wanna see my unit?

B&B

Huh huh huh huh huh huh.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. WHITE HOUSE - DAY

Later. Establish. Most A.T.F. cars are pulling out.

INT. WHITE HOUSE/OVAL OFFICE - DAY

B&B sit as Flemming paces in front of them. Beavis is no longer

Cornholio.

FLEMMING:

I gotta admit, I didn't believe it. I

thought you were scum. But you saved more

lives today than you'll ever know. You led

us to one of the sickest criminals in our

history. This country owes you a debt.

BUTT-HEAD

Uh, does that mean, like, we're gonna get

money and stuff?

BEAVIS:

Yeah, and chicks! We were supposed to

score.

FLEMMING:

For security reasons, your actions will

have to remain top secret. But someone

very special wants to give his thanks.

Flemming motions to the big chair. The PRESIDENT swivels around

and rises to shake hands with B&B.

PRESIDENT:

Beavis and Butt-Head. On behalf of all

your fellow Americans, I extend my deepest

thanks. You exemplify a fine new crop of

young Americans who will grow into the

leaders of this great country.

BUTT-HEAD

Huh huh huh. He said crap. Huh huh.

BEAVIS:

Heh heh. This guy's cool.

PRESIDENT:

In recognition for your great service, I'm

appointing you honorary agents in the

Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms.

BUTT-HEAD

Whoa, huh huh!!!

The President hands them citations.

BUTT-HEAD (CONT.)

You hear that, Beavis! We're gonna get

alcohol, tobacco and guns!

BEAVIS:

Yeah, maybe some chicks too. Heh heh.

B&B leave the office, muttering.

BUTT-HEAD

Cigarettes and beer rule! Huh huh.

BEAVIS:

Yeah! We're with the bureau of cigarettes

and chicks! We're gonna score!

B&B

Huh huh huh huh huh.

EXT. AIRPORT NEAR B&B'S HOMETOWN - DAY

A plane lands.

INT. PLANE/DOOR - DAY

As before, the flight crew stares in horror and silence as B&B

deplane.

BUTT-HEAD

Uh... bye-bye.

BEAVIS:

Heh heh. Bye bye. Heh heh.

EXT. ELITE MOTEL LODGE BAR - DAY

Walking home, B&B pass the motel. They notice the sign for big

screen TV. They stop and look at it.

BUTT-HEAD

You know what else sucks? We never even

got a TV.

ON BEAVIS, seeing something, amazed, ecstatic.

BEAVIS:

Heh mmm, hey mmm Butt-Head! Look!

Heavenly MUSIC. B&B stare at the wonder before them.

ANGLE ON THEIR TV, mangled, partly-crushed junk.

B&B

Yes! Yes! Yes! Huh huh huh.

B&B run up to the set like it was their lost and found dog.

EXT. RESIDENTIAL STREET - DAY

B&B walk off into the distance with the TV.

BEAVIS:

Hey Butt-Head, do you think we're ever

gonna score?

BUTT-HEAD

Uh, I probably will, but not you. You're

too much of a butt-monkey. Huh huh.

BEAVIS:

Shut up, dill-hole.

BUTT-HEAD

Butt-dumpling...

BEAVIS:

Turd-burglar...

BUTT-HEAD

Dill-wad...

BEAVIS:

Bunghole...

BUTT-HEAD

Butt-snatch...

BEAVIS:

Um, uh, butt... um, hole. Butt-hole...

BUTT-HEAD

Uh... dill, um, face...

BEAVIS:

Um... ass... head...

BUTT-HEAD

Uh... butt-snatch...

BEAVIS:

You already said that, Butt-Head.

BUTT-HEAD

Oh, uh, I mean, uh, ass-goblin...

B&B

Huh huh huh...

B&B head off into the sunset, trading lame insults as we FADE OUT.

END:

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