Beavis and Butt-Head Do America Page #2

BUTT-HEAD

Huh huh huh. That was cool.

BEAVIS:

No it wasn't!

BUTT-HEAD

Uh,...Oh yeah.

B&B stand at the top of the stairs looking down at the wrreckage.

PRINCIPAL McVICKER shows up by the TV.

McVICKER

Why.... You... You bastards... Ge...

get out! You're suspended. One more

screw up... and you're expelled.

B&B walk off laughing.

EXT. THE ANDERSON'S DRIVEWAY - DUSK

B&B walk up. There's a camper in the driveway.

BUTT-HEAD

Whoa, check it out Beavis. I didn't

know Anderson had a Camper.

BEAVIS:

Yeah, heh heh. Maybe it has a TV.

Heh heh. TV.

B&B walk up to the camper and start to open the door just as MARCY

ANDERSON opens it. (As usual, she doesn't recognize them.)

MARCY:

Oh, hello. Are you guys here to look

at the refrigerator?

BUTT-HEAD

Uh, no.

BEAVIS:

We're here to look at the TV. Heh heh.

MARCY:

Oh, I didn't realize it was broken.

Come on in.

BUTT-HEAD

Cool. Huh huh huh.

B&B walk into the camper. Marcy stays outside.

EXT. ANDERSON'S CAMPER - SAME TIME

Tom is adjusting the trailer-hitch. Marcy watches.

TOM:

Well that oughtta hold her. Ya know,

the most important thing you can have

on a camper is a good propane regulator,

and this here's the best one they make.

MARCY:

I sure hope we can get the 'fridge fixed

before we leave.

TOM:

Now Marcy, we've been savin' for this trip

our whole lives and we're gonna go come

Hell or high water...

Through the camper walls, we hear the faint sound of B&B

AIR/MOUTH-GUITARING "IRON MAN."

TOM (CONT.)

What the hell is that noise?

INT. ANDERSON'S CAMPER - DUSK

B&B watch a "Cops"-type show. Beavis gets up, goes to the

refrigerator and grabs a soda. The refrigerator is under the

counter on which the TV is sitting.

Beavis takes a sip and then does a SPIT TAKE, SPRAYING SODA ALL

OVER THE TOP OF THE TV.

BEAVIS:

AAAAAAGH!!! This crap is warm!

ANGLE ON TV:
The soda Beavis spit out drips into the inside of the

TV. We see smoke and hear SIZZLING AND SHORT CIRCUIT SFX. The TV

goes dead.

BUTT-HEAD

Beavis, you butt-hole! You broke it.

EXT. ANDERSON'S CAMPER - DUSK

B&B come out. Tom notices them.

TOM:

Hey, what's goin' on here?

MARCY:

They're here to fix the TV, Tom.

TOM:

The TV ain't broken.

BUTT-HEAD

Yeah it is. Huh huh huh.

Tom adjusts his glasses as he looks at B&B.

TOM'S BLURRY P.O.V.: We see B&B out of focus.

TOM:

Hey wait a minute. You two look kinda

familiar. Ain't you them kids that've

been whackin' off in my tool shed?

BEAVIS & BUTT-HEAD

Huh huh huh huh huh.

ANGLE ON BEAVIS:
looking particularly guilty, eyes shifting back

and forth.

B&B walk off, leaving Tom wondering.

EXT. STREET IN A SEEDY PART OF TOWN - JUST BEFORE DAWN

B&B are having TV withdrawal. Butt-Head is bug-eyed. Beavis has

the shakes bad, arms folded like Dustin Hoffman in "Midnight

Cowboy."

BEAVIS:

Nnnnooo. Oooooh nooooo.

BUTT-HEAD

What's your problem Beavis?

BEAVIS:

I need TV now! Now! NNNNDAMMIT!!!

Butt-Head stops short. He looks up. His face is bathed in a

golden, throbbing light.

BUTT-HEAD'S P.O.V.: We see a flashing neon sign that says, "TV".

Pull back to show B&B are standing outside the Elite Motel Lodge,

featuring "Color TV" and "Air-Cooled Rooms", with "Special Nap

Rates."

B&B stare up, as if at a god.

BEAVIS:

(crazed)

Heh heh. TV. Heh Teee Veee.

EXT. MOTEL COURT - CONTINUOUS

Butt-Head tries the first door. It's locked. He tries the second

door. It's locked. He tries the third door. It opens.

B&B's eyes bulge. Inside, PRINCIPAL McVICKER is lying across the

legs of an obvious prostitute, his pants pulled down. She SPANKS

him.

McVICKER

Please mmm... may I have another?!

B&B LAUGH. McVicker hears and looks up.

McVICKER (CONT.)

Beavis and Butt-Head! Y...y...you

bastards.

BEAVIS:

Can we watch your TV?

McVICKER

Y... Y... You're expelled! Get out!

Butt-Head closes the door, laughing, and starts to walk towards

the next door. The muffled sound of a SPANK can be heard followed

by McVicker asking for another.

BUTT-HEAD

Huh huh huh. That was cool.

BEAVIS:

Dammit! I need a TV now! We're missing

everything!

INT. MOTEL ROOM - CONTINUOUS

The only light in the room is a flickering TV. Sitting on the bed,

talking on the phone is MUDDY. He's a tough, mean looking red-neck

- a Jack Ruby type.

On the nightstand next to him is a three-quarter drunk bottle of

bourbon and a manila envelope. On his lap is a big gun.

MUDDY:

...Are you sure these guys can pull this

off? It's gotta look like an accident...

We hear a knock on the door and muffled B&B laughs.

MUDDY (CONT.)

Hold on a minute. That must be them now.

I'll call you back. (Hangs up phone)...

Come in!

B&B walk in. Muddy turns on the light.

BEAVIS:

(sounding suddenly sedated)

Aaaah. TeeeVeeeee, heh heh.

MUDDY:

Yer late.

BUTT-HEAD

Why? Did we miss American Gladiators?

MUDDY'S P.O.V.:
B&B are a drunken blur.

MUDDY:

Well, Earl said you guys were young, but

jeez... Oh well, as long as you can get

the job done. So what are your names?

BUTT-HEAD

Uh, Butt-Head.

BEAVIS:

Beavis.

MUDDY:

That's alright. I'd rather not know your

real names anyways. I'm Muddy. Look, I'm

gonna get right to the point. I'll pay you

ten grand plus expenses, all payable after

you do her...

BUTT-HEAD

(full of innuendo)

Do her? Huh huh.

MUDDY:

That's right. I'm offering you ten grand

plus expenses to do my wife. We gotta deal?

Butt-Head stares in shock.

BEAVIS:

Actually, we just wanna watch TV...

BUTT-HEAD

Shut up Beavis! Uh, yeah. We'll do your

wife.

BEAVIS:

(trembling)

Nnnnaah...We need to watch TV DAMMIT!!!

Butt-Head SMACKS Beavis and pulls him aside.

BUTT-HEAD

Beavis, you butt-munch, this guy wants us

to score with his wife. And he's gonna pay

us. We can buy a new TV.

BEAVIS:

Oh, heh heh really? Cool. Heh heh.

BUTT-HEAD

(to Muddy)

Uh, huh huh... We'll do it, sir.

MUDDY:

Okay, then let's get down to business.

ANGLE ON THE BED. Muddy slaps down a picture of DALLAS, his wife.

Leather clad, biker, beautiful.

MUDDY (CONT.)

Here she is. Her name's Dallas. She ain't

as sweet as she looks. She stole everything

from me. Ya gotta watch out, 'cause she'll

do you twice as fast as you'd do her.

BUTT-HEAD

Whoa, huh huh. Cool.

Muddy plunks down PLANE TICKETS.

MUDDY:

She's holed up in a hotel room in Las

Veags. Your flight leaves in a couple of

hours. Now c'mon, I'll drive you to the

airport.

BUTT-HEAD

Holed up. Huh huh huh. Holed.

BEAVIS:

Can we watch some TV first?

Muddy picks up the gun and SHOOTS the TV.

MUDDY:

No.

EXT. CITY STREETS - MORNING

Muddy driving his loud four-by-four like a maniac, drunk with

bloodshot eyes. B&B are in the back seat. He eyes them through the

rearview. Meanwhile, a cat bounces off the windshield with a

SHRIEK.

MUDDY:

One more thing. Mah wife's got this

leather satchel. It's black, about this

big. I need ya to bring it back. It's

real important. Sentimental value... Any

questions so far?

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