Beavis and Butt-Head Do America Page #3

BUTT-HEAD

Uh, yeah. Does she have big hooters?

MUDDY:

She sure does.

BUTT-HEAD

This is gonna be cool! Huh huh huh.

BEAVIS:

Yeah, heh heh. Boooooiiiing!!!

MUDDY:

Just make sure it looks like an

accident...

BEAVIS:

(spastic)

Yeah, heh heh. I think I just had an

accident. Heh heh hmm heh hmm heh.

MUDDY:

Huh huh. You guys are funny. Let's have

a drink on it.

Muddy swigs the last swallow from his bottle of bourbon.

EXT. AIRPORT - EARLY MORNING

In an overhead view, the four-by-four screeches up to the gate,

fishtails to a stop, throwing B&B onto the sidewalk, and peels

away.

BUTT-HEAD

We're gonna get paid to score.

BEAVIS:

Yeah, heh heh, and then we're gonna

get a big-screen TV! Heh heh.

BUTT-HEAD

Beavis, this is the greatest day of

our lives. Huh huh huh.

INT. AIRPLANE - DAY

B&B enter the plane. They sit down in the first two seats on the

right - in First Class. A flight attendant, DOLORIS approaches

them.

DOLORIS:

Hi. Can I help you find your seats?

BUTT-HEAD

Uuh, nah. These seats are OK.

DOLORIS:

I think your tickets have you seated

in row fourteen, coach. So why don't

you just go ahead and move back, OK?

BUTT-HEAD

That's OK. Someone else can have those.

BEAVIS:

Yeah, it's not that important to me,

really. Those seats are too small anyways.

Doloris yanks them out of their seats and leads them down the

aisle.

ANGLE DOWN AISLE in coach. Doloris stops by a row where an elderly

woman, MARTHA, sits by the window. Next to her: Two empty seats.

DOLORIS:

Here you are.

She gestures to the seats and leaves. Beavis climbs in the middle,

Butt-Head in the aisle - still watching Doloris.

BUTT-HEAD

Hey Beavis. When she was leading us down

here, huh huh, she touched my butt. Huh

huh huh.

Martha, her senses a bit dimmed from age, turns to B&B.

MARTHA:

Hello there. Are you two heading for Las

Vegas?

BEAVIS:

Yeah, we're gonna score.

MARTHA:

I hope to score big there myself. I'm

mostly going to be doing the slots.

BEAVIS:

Yeah, I'm hoping to do some sluts too.

Heh heh. Do they have lots of sluts in

Las Vegas?

MARTHA:

Oh, there are so many slots you won't

know where to begin.

BEAVIS:

Whoa! heh heh. Hey Butt-Head, this chick

is pretty cool. She says there's gonna be

tons of sluts in Las Vegas! Heh heh heh.

BUTT-HEAD

Cool. Huh huh huh.

MARTHA:

It's so nice to meet young men who are so

well mannered.

BEAVIS:

Yeah, heh heh. I'm gonna have money, and a

big-screen TV and sluts everywhere!

MARTHA:

Oh, that's nice.

CAPTAIN'S VOICE (V.O.)

(through P.A.)

Good morning. This is your captain

speaking. Welcome aboard flight 151

non-stop to Las Vegas. We ask that you

turn your attention to the front of the

cabin for pre-flight safety instructions.

B&B see Doloris, stepping nearby to demonstrate the seat belt.

ATTENDANT'S VOICE

To fasten your seat belt, insert the free

end into the coupling.

BUTT-HEAD

Insert. Huh huh huh.

Doloris demonstrates. B&B are dumbfounded. It's too complicated.

BUTT-HEAD (CONT.)

Uh...

They struggle to make their seat belts fit, getting each other's

parts.

TAMMY (O.C.)

Hi, I'm Tammy? Can I help you with that?

Butt-Head looks up.

From his P.O.V. we see a beautiful woman, TAMMY, smiling, her

hands reaching down. FALLING IN LOVE/HARP MUSIC STING plays.

CLOSE on Butt-Head's lap as two female hands reach down and pull

one strap from between Butt-Head's legs.

Butt-Head looks down at his lap as Tammy leans over him. A loud

CLICKING can be heard. Butt-Head stares blankly.

TAMMY (CONT.)

There you go. You're all set.

BUTT-HEAD

(stunned)

I love you.

Suddenly Martha buckles Beavis' belt. Tammy goes.

BEAVIS:

Wait, I wanted her to do it.

BUTT-HEAD

Huh huh. Soon, she will be mine.

CAPTAIN'S VOICE

Flight attendants, please prepare for

take-off.

The engines start to hum. The plane is rolling.

Butt-Head struggles to get his seat belt off. He does everything

but pull the handle. Beavis goes white with fear.

The plane starts to shake. The engines rumble. Beavis starts to

freak.

BEAVIS:

Hey wait a minute. What's going on?!

Butt-Head bangs away at his seat belt. Beavis looks out the window

and realizes they're in the air.

BEAVIS (CONT.)

(screams)

Aaaagh! We're gonna die!!!!!

ANGLE ON COUPLE IN FRONT OF B&B:

MAN:

D'ya hear that? Something must be wrong!

WOMAN:

Oh my God!!!!!!!

ANGLE ON CABIN, people start screaming. The plane quakes, lifting

up.

ON BUTT-HEAD, furiously pulling:

BUTT-HEAD

Dammit! Huh huh. That chick wants me.

BEAVIS:

Aggghg! We're gonna die! We're all

gonna die!

The plane arcs upward. Butt-Head finally gets the belt off as the

plane is in full thrust. He rises and goes tumbling backward down

the aisle.

ON PEOPLE seeing Butt-Head flying, screaming in panic.

In free fall:

Butt-Head grabs the door to the hangable luggage. It all comes

tearing out.

Butt-Head flies up, hitting several overhead luggage racks, which

open and spill their contents.

Butt-Head lands in the galley, causing food to go flying and

coffee to pour freely.

ON THE CABIN as the plane starts to level out. People stop their

screaming.

ON BUTT-HEAD, underneath the rubble, poking his head out. He's

directly across from the flight attendant station where Tammy is

strapped in.

BUTT-HEAD

Uh, huh huh... could you, like, do that

thing with my belt again?

INT. PLANE - LATER

All's in order. Flight attendants roll the beverage cart up the

aisle. People read, relaxed.

ON BEAVIS AND MARTHA. Martha is showing pictures of her

grandchildren. Beavis is showing the picture of Dallas that Muddy

gave him.

BEAVIS:

I'm probably going to make out with her

first before we, you know, get down...

MARTHA:

You'll have to speak up son. I have this

ringing in my ears. My doctor says it

could be related to my heart

palpitations. I've had two operations on

my heart.

BEAVIS:

Really? I poop too much.

MARTHA:

Oh, maybe you're lactose intolerant.

BEAVIS:

Uh... No, (louder) I poop too much. Then

I get tired.

MARTHA:

Well, if you find yourself getting tired,

take a couple of these.

She hands him a box of NoDrowz.

MARTHA (CONT.)

They perk me right up.

BEAVIS:

Heh heh, thanks.

He pours the contents into his hand and chews them like candy.

Then his eyes open wide.

BEAVIS (CONT.)

(strange)

Uh, tastes like crap. Heh heh. Mmmmm.

Beavis starts wolfing them down.

INT. PLANE - A BIT LATER

Tammy passes out meals from a rolling cart. She works with

Doloris. Butt-head stands behind Tammy, attempting to hit on her.

BUTT-HEAD

(to Tammy)

So, uh huh huh, are you going to Las

Vegas? Huh huh huh.

Tammy ignores him and moves on, leaving Butt-Head there.

ANGLE ON BUTT-HEAD, looking down at something.

PAN DOWN to reveal he's looking at a BEER on a fat guy's tray. The

guy's asleep.

Butt-head picks up the beer.

ANGLE ON BEAVIS, nearby. The NoDrowz is starting to take effect.

Beavis starts shaking, babbling, staring cross-eyed at his fist,

etc. (pre-Cornholio stuff)

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