Beavis and Butt-Head Do America Page #6

Using her switchbalde, she cuts a hole in the back seam of Beavis'

pants, creating a natural pocket. She carefully slides the unit

in.

INT. DALLAS' SUITE/MAIN ROOM - DAY

B&B's fight escalates. Butt-Head picks up a LAMP and throws it at

Beavis. It hits the wall and SHATTERS. Beavis charges Butt-Head.

INT. DALLAS' SUITE/OTHER ROOM - DAY

Dallas is licking a piece of thread. She quickly and expertly

threads a needle and then starts to sew the electronic device into

the inside back of Beavis' pants. She suddenly wrinkles her nose

as if she has smelled something.

She holds the pants up to the light. Inside, the shadow of the

unit.

INT. DALLAS' SUITE/MAIN ROOM - DAY

B&B fight wildly. Dallas enters and clears her throat. B&B freeze.

FULL ON DALLAS, posed sexily, seductive.

DALLAS:

Don't wear yourselves out, boys. Save

some energy for me.

B&B

Huh huh huh huh huh huh.

BUTT-HEAD

This is it, Beavis. Huh huh. We're

finally gonna score.

BEAVIS:

Heh heh. Thank God.

DALLAS:

I'm gonna do it with both of ya.

B&B

(uncontrollable)

Huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh

huh huh huh huh huh.

Dallas clears her throat to get their attention. And again.

DALLAS:

(sexy) Boys... (shouts) Boys!!!

Silence.

DALLAS (CONT.)

But first, you hafta do a little job for

me. (touches seductively) Would you like

to do a job for me?

Silence. They're in shock.

DALLAS (CONT.)

Here's what it is. I want ya to take a bus

ta Washington, D.C. That's all. And when

ya get there, I'll be waitin'. You're

gonna make a whole lotta money. (In their

faces) And I'm gonaa give you everything!

B&B

(near comatose)

Huh huh huh huh huh huh huh.

DALLAS:

Until then... (tosses Beavis' pants in his

face) Keep your pants on.

She looks back to the window, now all business.

DALLAS (CONT.)

OK guys, time to move out.

INT. HOTEL LOBBY/FRONT DOOR - DAY

A.T.F. agents enter and spread out. We see several agents go up

the stairs.

INT. DALLAS' ROOM/DOORWAY - DAY

DALLAS:

Remember, Washington, D.C. You'll get

more money than you ever dreamed of. And

you'll get me.

She kisses them both seductively.

DALLAS (CONT.)

(urgent)

Your bus is downstairs. Get going.

She shuts the door, leaving B&B outside. Nearby, a maid with her

cart passes by.

B&B stare, frozen for a beat, then go running for the elevator.

ANGLE AROUND THE CORNER, out of B&B's view. Just as the elevator

doors shut, dozens of federal agents with guns rush in and kick

open Dallas' door.

EXT. HOTEL/CASINO - DAY

More Feds and police enter.

ANGLE ON B&B, walking past, oblivious to all else. As he walks

away, Beavis rubs his butt.

B&B

Huh huh huh huh huh.

BUTT-HEAD

This is gonna be cool. Huh huh.

They walk to the tour bus across the street.

INT. TOUR BUS - DAY

B&B walk down the aisle, Beavis rubbing his butt. Most seats are

taken by senior citizens.

Up ahead, two vacant seats. B&B fight to get in first.

BUTT-HEAD

No way butt-hole! I want the window.

BEAVIS:

Cut it out butt-hole!

A VOICE:

Why don't you take turns?

They turn. It's Martha, the woman from the plane, sitting across

the aisle.

BEAVIS:

Hey, Butt-Head, it's that slut from the

plane!

MARTHA:

Why it's you two. How'd ya do in Vegas?

BEAVIS:

Uh, we didn't score yet.

MARTHA:

Sorry to hear that. Me, I took a beating.

BUTT-HEAD

Cool, huh huh huh.

MARTHA:

That's why I'm bussing it across America.

I'm so glad you're here. (to man in next

seat) Jim, I want you to meet two nice

boys.

JIM, an old guy, wakes up and looks over.

MARTHA (CONT.)

This is Travis and Bob... What's your

last name, dear?

BUTT-HEAD

Uh... Head? huh huh. My first name's

Butt. Huh huh huh.

JIM:

Pleased to meet ya, Mr. Head.

All the seniors turn around to meet them.

MARTHA:

Meet Sylvia. And Elloise and Sam. And Ed.

And Doreen.

BUTT-HEAD

Are you guys sluts too? Huh huh huh.

EXT. TOUR BUS - DAY

It takes off.

We PAN back to the hotel as Muddy arrives in a cab.

INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE DALLAS' ROOM - DAY

DRAMATIC REVEAL of AGENT RYAN FLEMMING entering the hallway. He's

an A.T.F. honcho, powerful, hard-ass. Looks like an Oliver North-

type. Sounds something like Fred Thompson. He walks with his

assistant, AGENT BORK and another agent.

They find Dallas' room and enter.

INT. DALLAS' HOTEL ROOM - DAY

Dallas sits calmly, confident, as agents tear apart the room.

FLEMMING:

So, are you going to tell us where it is

or am I going to have to have Agent Hurley

over there give you another cavity search?

ANGLE ON AGENT HURLEY, a tough, stocky woman.

DALLAS:

Ooh is that a promise?

FLEMMING:

Look Mrs. Scum, we know who you are. Tell

her Bork.

BORK:

Dallas Grimes. Married to Muddy Grimes.

You run a mom and pop arms smuggling ring.

He tosses her some photos of her and Muddy.

DALLAS:

Oh, you got my bad side.

Bork hands Flemming another file. Flemming checks it.

FLEMMING:

Three days ago you pulled a job at the

Army Research Facility in Hadley, Nevada -

where you stole... (reads) The X-5 unit.

Now we happen to know you had the unit

with you when you checked in here, so why

don't you be a good girl and tell us where

it is.

DALLAS:

You gonna charge me with anything? (pause)

I didn't think so. You wanna let me go now

or wait 'till my lawyer files a wrongful

arrest.

BORK:

(aside to Flemming)

We got nothing, Chief. We tore the place

apart. We can only legally hold her for

another couple of hours.

FLEMMING:

(aside to Bork)

Dammit! (slams fist down) Where's that

damn unit??!!

EXT. HOOVER DAM - DAY

The bus parks.

INT. TOUR BUS - DAY

B&B are excited.

BEAVIS:

Heh heh. We're in Washington!

BUTT-HEAD

Huh huh. We're gonna score now.

MARTHA:

Actually, we're at the Hoover Dam.

Martha walks on down the aisle.

BUTT-HEAD

Damn, huh huh.

BEAVIS:

Yeah, heh heh. Damn right!

They follow the seniors out of the bus. Beavis rubs his butt.

EXT. THE ROAD - DAY

Dallas drives by in a slick car.

INT. DALLAS' CAR - DAY

She adjusts her rearview mirror to observe a Fed car following

her. She smiles.

INT. HOOVER DAM - DAY

B&B and the seniors are on a tour through the giant basement. B&B

talk and approach the HOOVER GUIDE, speaking nearby.

BEAVIS:

So, like, where is she?

BUTT-HEAD

(looks around)

Yeah, really.

HOOVER GUIDE:

Over 40 thousand cubic tons of concrete

were used in the construction of the

Hoover Dam.

B&B

Huh huh huh huh huh huh.

HOOVER GUIDE:

From top to bottom, this dam is 51

stories.

BEAVIS:

Uh, huh huh, excuse me. Is this a God

Damn?

B&B

Huh huh huh huh huh.

They follow the tour into the next room.

INT. HOOVER DAM/OBSERVATION ROOM - DUSK

A glass wall separates this from the master control room. There,

two technicians are on watch. Banks of monitors show the water and

pipes from various angles.

B&B are the last in. Beavis rubs his aching butt. The guide is

already speaking.

HOOVER GUIDE:

... Generates over 6000 gigawatts of

electricity, all passing through this

control room. This way.

Rate this script:1.0 / 2 votes