Beavis and Butt-Head Do America Page #5

Beavis rushes in and grabs the remote which is attached to the

night table. He tries to pull it up and can't.

BEAVIS:

This remote's too heavy!

BELLBOY:

Sir, it's attached to the...

BUTT-HEAD

Here, dumbass! Let me try!

They both struggle to pull it up. Finally, they fall over

backwards.

Annoyed, the bellboy leaves.

INT. ELEVATOR BANK/9TH FLOOR - NIGHT

The elevator arrives. B&B get on. There's several sophisticated

people. From inside, a computerized FEMALE ELEVATOR VOICE:

ELEVATOR VOICE:

Ninth floor, going down.

B&B

Huh huh huh huh huh huh.

BUTT-HEAD

Going down. Huh huh huh.

The sophisticated people look repulsed. The doors close.

INT. HOTEL/CASINO - NIGHT

MUSIC DIPS DOWN FOR DIALOGUE. B&B step off the elevator and walk

among the gambling tables.

Beavis pulls one of the playing chips out of his pocket and bites

into it.

BEAVIS:

Ow! These chips suck.

BUTT-HEAD

What a rip-off. Come on. We gotta find

that chick.

Beavis tosses the chip on a roulette table.

ANGLE ON THE WHEEL. The ball lands on 13.

At the table, the DEALER...

DEALER:

13. We have a winner. (to Beavis) Sir,

your chips?

BEAVIS:

I don't want 'em! Keep 'em.

DEALER:

Let it ride!

BUTT-HEAD

(to dealer)

Uh... could you help us find a chick?

DEALER:

(uneasy)

Sir, the casino does not partake in that

kind of activity.

The wheel stops.

DEALER (CONT.)

(amazed)

13! Winner!

People oooh and aaah. More gather to watch.

Through the gathering throng comes CHERYL, a hooker.

CHERYL:

Excuse me, boys. Did I hear you say

you're looking for a date?

B&B freeze, shocked.

CHERYL (CONT.)

I'm Cheryl, and I can show you a real

fine time.

B&B don't move. The dealer rolls again.

CHERYL (CONT.)

A time you'll remember for the rest of

your lives, if you know what I mean.

DEALER:

(to Beavis)

Sir, do you want your chips?

BEAVIS:

No, Dammit! I don't want any chips!

DEALER:

Let it ride.

Cheryl puts her hands on their thighs.

CHERYL:

What say we three go up to your room,

take off our clothes and just see what

comes up.

B&B's eyes open wide.

BUTT-HEAD

Huh huh huh huh huh huh.

BEAVIS:

Uh... Uh...

The wheel stops.

DEALER:

14. No winners.

CHERYL:

Hmmmm. Oh well.

She leaves. People scatter. B&B are left alone. Staring.

BUTT-HEAD

Huh huh huh. That chick was talking

about doing it.

BEAVIS:

Heh heh. This is the best night of our

lives.

WIDE SHOT. B&B just stand, laughing.

MUSIC FADES BACK UP...

INT. HOTEL LOUNGE - NIGHT

ANGLE ON THE BAND, continuing the song.

Tourists watch from tables - decidedly not rocking out.

B&B dance alone near the stage, doing the "butt-knocker."

INT. HOTEL OFFICE - NIGHT

A WOMAN ATTENDANT answers the phone.

WOMAN ATTENDANT:

Good evening. Room service. How may

I help you?

From the phone...

B&B

(on phone)

Huh huh huh huh huh.

The woman's disturbed.

WOMAN ATTENDANT:

Hello... Hello...

INT. HOTEL/CASINO - NIGHT

B&B try to climb up and grab the gigantic b*obs of the statue.

Butt-Head falls, knocks Beavis off and they both hit the floor

hard.

INT. B&B'S HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT

Beavis is on the phone in the main room. Butt-Head sits on the

toilet and speaks from the phone in the bathroom.

BUTT-HEAD

Uh, huh huh, I'd like to be serviced...

in my room.

B&B

Huh huh huh huh huh huh.

INT. HOTEL LOUNGE - NIGHT

B&B keep dancing as the famous BAND plays the MONTAGE SONG which

ENDS.

EXT. VEGAS - DAWN

Sunrise.

The song rings out.

INT. B&B'S ROOM - MORNING

BEavis is picking up the night table by the remote attached to it

and moving the whole thing.

Butt-Head approaches a door next to the bed.

BUTT-HEAD

Uh, I wonder where this door goes to.

Beavis comes over to check it out. Butt-Head opens the door. It's

one of those double doors to the next room.

Butt-Head tries to open the second door, jiggling it.

Suddenly, the door opens. Someone reaches out and pulls B&B

inside. It's DALLAS, the girl Muddy sent them after.

INT. DALLAS' SUITE/MAIN ROOM - CONTINUOUS

She has them pinned against the wall. DALLAS is hot, clad in tight

leather, tattooed, pierced, sexy.

BEAVIS:

(excited)

Hey, Butt-Head, it's her! Heh heh.

DALLAS:

All right, who are ya? C.I.A? F.B.I.?

A.T.F.?

BUTT-HEAD

Uh... Hey baby. Are we like, doing it?

BEAVIS:

Me first?

DALLAS:

You got two seconds!

BUTT-HEAD

Uh, huh huh. Is that gonna be enough time?

Dallas grabs Butt-Head by the shirt.

DALLAS:

Who sent ya?

BUTT-HEAD

Uh, huh huh, this fat dude. He said we

could do you. And he was gonna pay us.

DALLAS:

Muddy! Sonofabitch! Hold it. What's he

payin' ya?

BUTT-HEAD

Uh, ten uh...

DALLAS:

Ten grand? That cheap-ass... I got a

better deal for ya. I'll double it. I'll

pay ya twenty if you go back there and do

mah husband.

BUTT-HEAD

Uh, you want us to do a guy? Huh huh. No

way.

BEAVIS:

(considering it)

Umm,... I don't know Butt-Head. That is

a lot of money... Maybe if we close our

eyes and pretend he's a chick...

Butt-Head SMACKS Beavis, bringing him to his senses.

From outside, SOUND of a police siren. Dallas goes to the window.

The place is being surrounded by police and plain black cars.

DALLAS:

(panics)

Damn! You boys, you wait right there.

Dallas goes into the next room and closes the door.

B&B look at each other. They start to take their pants off.

BUTT-HEAD

Huh huh huh. I'm ready for love.

BEAVIS:

Me first! Me first!

INT. DALLAS' SUITE/OTHER ROOM - DAY

Dallas gets binoculars from her bag and scouts outside.

Her P.O.V. REVEALS dozens of police and A.T.F. cars. The hotel's

surrounded.

As Dallas looks around, she spots a tour bus across the street. On

the side:
"Dream America Tours." Dallas quickly dials the phone.

DALLAS:

(to phone)

Gimme the number for Dream America Tours.

(pause) Right.

Dallas dials again, crossing to the door to peek out at B&B - both

standing in their underwear, waiting. Beavis picks his nose.

Dallas closes the door again.

DALLAS (CONT.)

(to phone)

Yeah, you got a bus leaving today? (pause)

Five minutes? Where's it goin'? (listens)

Washington, D.C.? (mulls it over) Perfect.

(a look back to the other room) Gimme two

tickets.

INT. DALLAS' SUITE/MAIN ROOM - DAY

B&B are in their underwear. Butt-Head sits at the edge of the bed.

Beavis tries to pull the remote off the table.

Dallas enters, sees this sight, and shuts off the TV. She looms

over Butt-Head.

BUTT-HEAD

So, uh, huh huh. Are we gonna score now?

BEAVIS:

Me first!

BUTT-HEAD

Forget it, bunghole!

B&B start to wrestle. Dallas sees Beavis' pants.

DALLAS:

(realizing)

Score? You boys wanna...?

Butt-Head grabs Beavis' neck.

BEAVIS:

Ow, let go, Butt-Head!

BUTT-HEAD

Huh huh huh.

She picks up the pants, getting an idea.

DALLAS:

You wait here.

She takes the pants into the next room. B&B keep wrestling.

BEAVIS:

Me first.

BUTT-HEAD

Huh huh. No way, dude.

INT. DALLAS' SUITE/OTHER ROOM - DAY

TIGHT ON her black satchel. From it she lifts a delicate

electronic device, the X-5 unit, about the size of a credit card.

An LED light blinks.

Rate this script:1.0 / 2 votes