Beavis and Butt-Head Do America Page #8

BUTT-HEAD

Huh huh. You mean like this?

Butt-Head keeps kicking.

ANGLE ON THE DRIVER UP FRONT.

DRIVER:

Okay, people, next stop, Grand Canyon.

He guns it.

EXT. TOUR BUS - DAY

It takes off down the road.

MONTAGE SONG BEGINS. (Maybe White Zombie doing something like,

"Born to Be Wild")

INSERT:
A RED LINE snakes across a map to Grand Canyon.

EXT. GRAND CANYON - DAY

Gorgeous. Our seniors and others take pictures and stare in awe.

Some hold hands. One crosses herself.

ANGLE ON B&B, nearby, also staring in awe. REVEAL they're watching

a jackass take a dump.

B&B

Huh huh huh huh huh.

BEAVIS:

The poop's coming out of the ass of the

ass. Heh heh heh.

BUTT-HEAD

Huh huh. It's coming out of the ass, but

it's also coming out of the ass of the

ass.

INT. A.T.F. HEADQUARTERS - DAY

TIGHT ON PHOTO OF B&B, going out on the wire.

INT. A POLICE STATION - DAY

TIGHT ON COP getting the photo off a machine.

INT. A POST OFFICE - DAY

TIGHT ON B&B's PHOTO as it's pinned to the wall.

INT. DRIVING TOUR BUS - DAY

PAN across seniors showing off pictures of their grandchildren.

Pan stops on B&B showing off the picture of Dallas to a senior.

Butt-Head does the "finger-in-hole" fornication gesture as they

LAUGH suggestively.

EXT. SIDE OF ROAD - DAY

Flemming reads a map strewn on his hood. He turns to Bork to give

orders. Bork repeats them into his radio. Several cars pull out.

INSERT:
A RED LINE snakes across a map to Utah.

EXT. SALT LAKE CITY - DAY

Martha and the seniors pose in front of a classic Salt Lake City

view. A sign nearby reads "Welcome to Salt Lake City."

REVERSE ANGLE shows B&B, taking their picture.

P.O.V. OF CAMERA shows Butt-Head's hand covering half the lens.

Framing is crooked and way off. Click and FREEZE.

EXT. SIDE OF HIGHWAY - DAY

Middle of nowhere. Confused, Martha is taking a picture.

REVERSE ANGLE shows B&B, posing by the road sign: Baggs, Wyoming.

B&B

Huh huh huh huh huh huh.

P.O.V. OF CAMERA, showing B&B laughing.

INSERT:
A RED LINE snakes across the map to Wyoming.

CROSS-DISSOLVE BETWEEN THE BUS AND THE SIGHTS IT PASSES:

EXT. FLAMING GORGE, WYOMING - DAY

A classic view of a powerful gorge.

REVERSE SHOWS THE TOUR BUS driving by. Martha and the seniors rush

to the windows to stare in awe.

EXT. GRAND TETON, WYOMING - DAY

A classic view of the huge peaks.

REVERSE SHOWS THE TOUR BUS driving by. More seniors rush to the

windows to see.

EXT. YELLOWSTONE PARK, WYOMING - DAY

A spectacular view of Yellowstone Lake and the Rockies.

REVERSE SHOWS THE TOUR BUS. Seniors staring in awe.

PAN over to another window. B&B press their BARE ASSES against the

window.

EXT. YELLOWSTONE/OLD FAITHFUL - DAY

MONTAGE SONG ENDS.

A RANGER/GUIDE stands in front of the seniors talking about the

geyser. B&B are towards the front, off to one side.

RANGER:

(a la Carl Sagan)

There are over two hundred active geysers

in Yellowstone Park alone. Old Faithful

here is one of the largest. During an

eruption the water can reach as high as

two hundred feet!...

BUTT-HEAD

So?

RANGER:

(ignoring Butt-Head)

It shoots out over twelve thousand gallons

of water in a single eruption...

BEAVIS:

That's not that much.

BUTT-HEAD

Yeah really. Let's get outta here Beavis.

Huh huh huh. This sucks.

B&B walk off as the flustered ranger leads the seniors to some

benches where they wait for the geyser to erupt.

EXT. YELLOWSTONE/OLD FAITHFUL - LATER

The geyser erupts. The seniors watch in sheer awe.

MARTHA:

It's...incredible...!

INT. VISITOR CENTER/MEN'S BATHROOM - DAY

B&B stare ahead in similar awe.

BUTT-HEAD

It's incredible!... Huh huh huh.

REVEAL they're standing before the urinals. Butt-Head moves to the

side, tripping a motion detector which makes the urinal

AUTOMATICALLY FLUSH.

BEAVIS:

Whoa! That's amazing! Heh heh heh.

They start moving from urinal to urinal, causing all to flush.

EXT. OLD FAITHFUL/PARKING AREA - DAY

The bus idles. The last senior climbs aboard.

The driver looks around impatiently. He checks his watch.

DRIVER:

I can't wait forever.

INT. OLD FAITHFUL/RANGER'S OFFICE - DAY

The ranger/guide enters and checks off a chart on a bulletin board

near B&B's "wanted" photo.

Suddenly the guide sees B&B's photo, then, out the window, the bus

closing its door and pulling away.

RANGER:

Oh my God!

The guide picks up the phone.

INT. VISITOR CENTER/MEN'S ROOM - DAY

B&B go back and forth, "playing" the urinals, passing hands,

heads, whole bodies in front of the motion detectors.

B&B

Huh huh huh huh.

Finally, Butt-Head pauses.

BUTT-HEAD

This is the coolest thing I have ever

seen.

EXT. SIDE OF A ROAD - DAY

Flemming is on the radio. Bork runs up.

BORK:

Chief, we got 'em! They're on a senior

citizens tour bus going east on I-40.

EXT. OLD FAITHFUL/PARKING LOT - DAY

B&B get on a bus that looks completely different than the tour

bus.

INT. DIFFERENT BUS - DAY

TIGHT ON B&B. Butt-Head looks around.

BUTT-HEAD

Uh... Is this the right bus?

BEAVIS:

You mean there's mre than one?

A WIDER SHOT REVEALS it's a bus full of nuns. B&B look around and

see this.

BUTT-HEAD

Huh huh huh. Hey Beavis. We're on a bus

with chicks.

BEAVIS:

Heh hmm heh heh.

Butt-Head turns to the nun next to him.

BUTT-HEAD

Hey, baby.

The nun looks disturbed as the bus takes off.

EXT. I-40/SIDE OF THE ROAD - DAY

The tour bus is stopped. Like P.O.W.'s, the seniors stand with

hands on heads. Agents search the bus.

ANGLE ON LINE OF SENIORS. Flemming walks nearby and is told:

BORK:

They're not on the bus.

Flemming looks the seniors over.

FLEMMING:

(re:
seniors)

These people know something. I want full

cavity searches. Everyone. Go deep on 'em.

Hurley and two agents grab the nearest senior and drag him away.

FLEMMING (CONT.)

I tell you Bork, these guys are smart.

Damn smart. They're probably a hundred

miles away by now.

Behind Flemming, an agent waves on traffic including B&B's new

bus. As it pulls past, B&B hang B.A.'s. Flemming doesn't see.

MONTAGE SONG BEGINS:

INSERT:
A RED LINE snakes through a map, pretty much retracing the

route B&B took north. Down into Utah.

INT. BUS - DAY

A nun strums a guitar and sings. Butt-head head-bangs. The nuns

around look uneasy.

Nearby another nun reads the Bible to Beavis.

BEAVIS:

Hey, Butt-Head, this book kicks ass!

There's this talking snake and a naked

chick and then this dude puts a leaf

on his schlong! Heh heh heh.

The nun next to Beavis is disgusted.

INSERT:
A RED LINE snakes down through Colorado.

One of the nuns is trying to teach B&B the sign of the cross.

Butt-head moves his hand down, up, left and then swings his hand

to the far right SMACKING Beavis.

INT. ROADSIDE RESTAURANT - DAY

Sitting before a long table, the nuns close their eyes and pray,

hands clasped together.

PAN THE ROW to B&B who's hands are clasped together and

interlocked as they do the incredibly juvenile 'peek at the

vagina' trick.

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