Because I Said So Page #9

talking about me?

Wow. God.

Mom? Are you there?

Pick up the phone, Mom.

Hello?

You've reached Daphne...

You've reached Daphne...

You've reached Daphne Wilder.

Please leave a message

after the tone.

Oh, my God.

Oh, thank you, dear God.

Mom.

Mom.

Yeah.

Yeah?

Yes!

Oh, my God.

Yes, oh, yes!

Oh, my God!

Yes. Yes.

Yes!

Okay, so the orange-cranberry

muffins are in here?

They're in there.

And the ones with the nuts

are in here too?

They're in there, too.

I had a little trouble

with the frosting,

but I know how much

you love butter cream.

Mother, I told you

on the phone I need distance.

Okay. But it's a new recipe.

Tangerine instead of orange.

For a clean slate?

Why don't you get it?

I don't want to see you.

Milly, if I'm guilty of any crime, it's

just that I've just loved you too much.

Here.

Milly?

It was just so you. I...

Milly?

This isn't the way

it was supposed to be.

Welcome to life.

Yeah, but I mean, how can I be

happy if she's not happy, hmm?

Hey, it's Milly.

Leave me a message.

Milly? It's your mother,

Daphne Wilder.

Please pick up.

It's been four days.

Okay.

What am I gonna do?

What am I gonna do?

What are... Nothing.

Just do nothing.

Hey, it's Milly.

Leave me a message.

Hi, Milly.

This is your mother.

Hopefully, you still have

a mental picture of me.

We have the same hands

and earlobes

and love of Bauer pottery.

I know that you asked me

not to call you

and I respect that.

I just thought that

you might like to know

that I found Grandma's recipe for

your favorite Lady Baltimore cake.

The one from my

third birthday.

The one from

your third birthday.

You know what, Milly? Okay,

you were right about Johnny.

Obviously,

he has more character.

I mean,

he's really a good guy.

And you should know

that he never saw that ad,

and, in fact,

we met by chance.

He was just an

innocent bystander.

I know that I'm saying too

much. I've learned my lesson.

Good.

Because, Milly,

it's your life.

Yup, that's right.

That's absolutely right.

Hey, it's Milly.

Leave me a message.

I know you're in there and it's fine

with me that you've chosen not to pick up.

But, Milly, if you're in any

way still pulled to Johnny,

then please don't let

your pride or our differences

come between you

and getting what you want

otherwise, honey, you're gonna

end up like some pathetic character

in a Tennessee Williams play.

Believe me,

I know what I'm talking about.

Okay.

Milly...

Milly?

I never meant to

hurt you, sweetie.

And I promise I will never

ever interfere ever again.

I was, I was only, I mean...

I guess

what I'm trying to say is

that I was just trying to

protect you from becoming me.

My sweet girl.

Mom?

Hi, honey.

I miss you.

I miss you, too.

Solo on the four chord.

Alternate the bass line,

will you?

Too late for spring sign-up.

I've actually been here

before.

I came once on a Tuesday when it

was closed, and I just wanted to...

You know, I can't hear you.

I'm sorry.

Please.

I miss you.

I miss us

and I'm not seeing anybody.

That doesn't change

anything for us, Milly.

Yeah, but Johnny, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, I'm so deeply sorry,

and I wish I could find a less

clich word for sorry, but...

It was an aberration.

It's not who I am,

and I know we can't start

over, but maybe we could...

Maybe we could try this again.

I need to get back up there.

Okay, you're driving a bus. Seven

hundred and fifty people get on.

Two get off.

Thirty thousand

seventy-one get on.

Four hundred and five

get off.

A thousand get on and nine

hundred and ninety-nine get off.

Get off.

What color are

the bus driver's eyes?

I don't know.

I said you're driving the bus.

Get it, dummy?

You dummy.

Dummy.

You did say that, Lionel.

That's right. That's so good.

He did. That is so great. That is so great.

Want to hear it again?

Well, I mean, I don't know.

Actually, I thought you really

nailed it that last time, so...

Didn't he?

Just one more time. Please?

Okay.

Okay, you're driving a bus.

Five people get off. Six

people get on. Really?

Seven hundred and

seventy-five thousand get on.

Seven hundred and

thirty-five million and one...

Oh, no.

Hey, guys.

You know, I forgot

a few things at the market.

I'm just gonna...

I'll be right back.

Dad, Dad, you got to

hear this punch line.

Yeah, yeah. You really, really...

You have to stick around for this.

Think you got to, Johnny.

Okay, now.

What is it?

You are driving a bus.

Yeah.

A billon million catrillion

get on.

I cannot believe you are

here. You are truly insane.

Two hundred billion million

get off.

Well, I... This is

a surprise to you?

Daphne, you're not listening.

Honey, oh, no, no. I swear,

of course, I'm listening.

Okay. Dad and Daphne.

You're driving a bus.

Five hundred catrillion

cazillion get on.

But zero...

Lionel, look.

A blimp.

Where?

Right there.

I can't see it.

Right there. Look harder.

Where? Show me.

I can't see it.

Up, up. Look harder.

I've wanted to talk to you for the past

few days and I haven't had the nerve.

That I find hard to believe.

Johnny, you have

too much pride.

I prefer to call it

common sense.

It's pride, and it's a

quality you and I share.

It's an admirable one,

until it becomes a wall.

"Well, yes, I am alone,

"but at least I have my righteous

anger to keep me company at night. "

Come on, that's not a life,

and you know it.

And let's face it.

I mean, if it wasn't for me,

obviously Milly never would have

betrayed you in the first place.

So what are you doing, Johnny?

What are you doing?

Why waste one more minute

of your life?

And I'm right.

I'm so right.

Damn it.

For once, she is.

Jeez, you guys,

no one's listening.

If Milly was here,

she would get my joke.

You're driving a bus. Ten people

get on. Ten people get off.

Thirty thousand get on. Thirty

thousand get off. A million get on...

See, that's the fun

of the tuna pasta toss,

'cause it's delicious

and it's easy,

because when

you're cooking for one,

it's really important to look

forward to the end result. You know?

What if you want to

make it for two?

It's a little bit more complicated,

but I think it can be done.

I see some of you

have gone ahead

and already added your carrots

and your pickled relish.

And remember

that some people like dill.

Even before I met you,

I had an instinct about you.

And once I saw you were a woman

with profound static cling,

I wanted to be

that force around you.

Personally, I love dill.

I think it's not used enough

and very underrated,

sort of, like, mayonnaise,

and I also really love

olive oil for tuna.

I love that when I breathe you

in, you smell of cake batter.

And I love that

you have this insane way

of talking in circles

that makes perfect sense.

I do?

'Cause sometimes I feel like

nobody understands me but...

Me.

I get you.

That's wonderful. But, you

know, my bladder is about to pop.

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